Embarrassed and depressed

[dove]

So goes another blackout...this one for a few hours...husband said I didn't do anything stupid but I am covered in huge bruises so I don't believe him...he's not one to hide things though....so embarrassed bc happened with a bunch of people I don't know....has taken days to come here and admit it...been depressed ever since...wish I could just stay in the house and never show my stupid face to the outer world again.

uuggghhhhh!!!!! doing so well for two weeks! and then this!!!! i am such an IDIOT!!!!

dove

[LadyLush]

Embarrassed and depressed

Dove,

You are not an idiot! My doctor has seen me with so many bruises over the last few years I am sure she thought I was abused! I was, but the abuser was alcohol.

Two weeks is a MAJOR start. Just get back up and don't give up. You'll be okay. I went through what you are going through numerous times.
Falling down, passing out, saying and doing things I couldn't remember.
You are not alone and you will get through this!

Lady:l

[ThreeDogNight]

Embarrassed and depressed

I understand and I am worse

I was doing so well, or so I thought. Went to drive to my sister's house in Boston on Monday, and was supposed to meet a guy to help with some cusotmers. Before I left I felt panic all morning,I didn't want to go, but I did. Stopped and bought some alcohol, poured some in my "water" thermos and thoght I'd put the bottle in my suitcase. Had not eaten all day, and I am pretty small. Anyway, got arrested for DUI and spent the night at the PD. My sister is an attorney in MA, but didn't get my phone call until too late, so I had to sleep in the PD. Transported to court yesterday a.m. in handcuffs, my sister came and I was so sorry for embarrassing her. Her attorney friend will represent me, but I will lose my license for at lest 90 days, probably longer due to breathalizer results. And the money--car has to have a new tire and rim, plus towing and storage charges. Attorney is charging half of the usual retainer fee of $5.000.

Don't let yourself get to this point.'t I don't know how I did. I am a good person,guess I just have taken care of everyone but myself.

Thank you all.

TDN

[dove]

Embarrassed and depressed

thanks lady.

oh i'm sorry TDN! i know, i am a good person too!!! how the hell does this happen???? i just hate myself so much right now....i know many will post about how we just need to stop drinking but for me and my life that is not an option. i have brought it up with hubby so often and he says he doesn't want me to quit because a big part of our relationship is getting some drinks on our days off but he just wants me to stop getting so drunk at times.

[ThreeDogNight]

Embarrassed and depressed

I know

Hi, Dove.

My husband barely drinks, so i don't have that part. But he has to deal with all this trauma--it stinks!!
I sometimes wonder if it's those of us who are so nice and kind who bear the brunt of this.
Maybe we do PMs?
I know how much it hurts, believe me. Even our three dogs are depressed.
Love you,

TDN

[mama bear]

Embarrassed and depressed

love and support to both of you

[rubywillow]

Embarrassed and depressed

I could say all the usual things that you 2 are intelligent enough to know you need to do to get better. I don't think you need me to right now. No one can beat us up any more than we do ourselves when we do these stupid, harmful, things. I have done them. I thank my God every day that I never hurt anyone but myself, because it was by sheer luck. And I could rattle off the horror stories of those who weren't so lucky, and the aftermath of their actions.
Right now is time to do some soul searching. This depression will mitigate over time a bit, but use it to your advantage if it ever crosses your mind to repeat the actions that got you here. The shame is something you don't want again. I know it's been over 10 years for me, and I'll never forget the feelings, the sights, sounds, smells, of my own misbegotten misadventure.

[Doggygirl]

Embarrassed and depressed

There is something I heard a long time ago that I have never forgotten. "I am not a bad person trying to get good. I am a sick person trying to get well."

I truly do not believe I am, or ever have been a bad person. Under the influence of alcohol, I did bad things. I have to be accountable for the things I have done, but I'm not inherently a bad person.

The path for wellness to me MUST include abstinence from alcohol. The bad things happening diminished drastically and immediately when I stopped drinking.

You both can do the same. Let the good in you shine. Be willing to do whatever it takes to stop the insanity with alcohol.

I was a daily drinker in the end, pouring my first drink instead of coffee in the very early morning hours. Every day. If I can stop drinking, and all these other people here at MWO can stop, I know you can do it too.

DG

[spuddleduck]

Embarrassed and depressed

dove, i totally understand how you are feeling. black outs are just awful.... and a sure sign that something is very wrong with your drinking. i cant offer much advice as i still do it. what i have done though is to not drink out in public, if i really want/need to drink i stay in..... at least there are less people to be embaressed with (sorry everyone here for posting drunk)
my partner also drinks and although he has begged me to stop drinking he still says he would like it if we could have a few drinks together (nicely). unfortunately that just doesnt happen with me, i always drink to pass out/blackout. i very much realize that i can never drink safely again, and the sooner i put that knowledge into real action the better. i hope you can find your way out of this horrible mess, and dont forget, you are doing this for you, your hubby isnt the one waking up with bruises/shame/guilt/embarressment.

[dove]

Embarrassed and depressed

Thank you all for your kind words in support. You wouldn't be so supportive if you would have been there and seen me I'm sure. Actually I have never seen me like that either because I'm blackedout.....sigh......
Dove

[rene1]

Embarrassed and depressed

Dove; I'm with Sherri and Zen... The choice not to drink it completely yours. If your husband doesn't have an alcohol problem great. But blackouts are a huge danger sign. Like the others, I've been there. I was not a daily drinker but didn't mess with the light stuff... vodka or whiskey straight up. It never ended good and it was never a fun time. Never knowing how the booze was going to hit me. It might only take one drink... it might take a couple. I just never knew. I know I can't take that first drink because I also know it won't be the last......