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[dove]

made a deal with my hubby that we will only have three drinks a day. any day. ever. i am so happy he agreed to do this!!! we both drank too much last night. i really hope having him in on this will help me. i also think i should start therapy of some sort. i would go to AA but don't really believe in god and hear that's a big part of it all. any other national alcoholics meetings that don't stress the religion?
dove

[jobe1023]

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Hi dove, AA dose not stress religion it tell you to get in touch with your higher power that may be god it may not .To me my higher power right now is anything that keeps me from have a drink. You can get a lot of support from AA make it what you want it to be about. I’m just saying at that stage of your AF quest don’t discount any options.

[red67]

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Hi Dove, I am doing Smart Recovery and there is no religious basis to it. I do believe in a higher power but I prefer to keep that my personal journey. Smart Recovery is all about retraining your thoughts and I find that much easier to use to recover.

If you have a problem with drinking I would suggest at least going 30 days AL free. I know for me when I tried to limit my drinking it would lead to disaster and dissapointment. For those of us who have a problem drinking, putting limits on how much we drink is almost impossible. If it works for you that would be awesome. When I was drinking, I wish I could have limited the number of drinks but my dysfunctional thinking almost always took over once I started drinking. When I quit I decided I couldn't drink anymore because the roller coaster of broken promises to myself, guilt, hangovers and everything else that goes along with drinking too much was so overwhelming that I decided enough, I was going to be done with all that.

Just maybe give Smart a try and maybe you will find it is what you are looking for.

[aspman]

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hey red, how do the smart recovery meetings go?
is it like AA? i was reading and they say it does not follow the diesese model.

[red67]

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No they do not follow the disease model. It is a behavior based program based on rational recovery. I like it because for me it gave me power over this problem by teaching me different thought patterns. The only drawback is that it is no where near as large as AA. There are only 3 weekly meetings in my area and only 1 that is close to me. I am thinking about going to AA for the social aspect (to meet more people who are also alcohol free). I have tried AA before was not really committed to be alcohol free when I did. I will hopefully be able to find a couple of meetings I will like. I prefer small groups of people truly dedicated to living alcohol free.

If you Google Smart Recovery you can find lots of info and hopefully a meeting near you. They have tons of reading materials also that help with changing your behaviors and thought patterns.

Everyone is diferrent and the ways we find to quit drinking are varied. For me it was a combination of many things and definitely this website.

[rubywillow]

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Red, loved what you said about your higher power. I feel exactly the same way. It seems some people had bad experiences with religion, maybe from childhood, but for me it's always been wonderful, and a part of my life. But we do have to come to our own understanding, and I don't press anyone with my beliefs, nor want theirs shoved at me.
Dove, if the commitment works, that's great. I agree that it's actually harder for some to moderate than to quit. The quote 'One's too many, a thousand isn't enough' is so true for problem drinkers. Whatever happens, I wish you the best, and I hope you can stick to your goal. And YES, it will be so much easier to have your husband's support. Please, call on someone here you trust if you feel your resolve weakening. I know it's harder for people who have easy access to AL. The nearest store for me is 2 1/2 miles away, the next is 10 miles, and this county doesn't sell liqour, only beer and wine. Unfortunately, there's a winery just 5 miles from our cabin and there's a package store on every corner of the little tourist town there. Alcohol isn't sold here on Sunday, holidays, or election days (?), except by the drink. An old Southernism! They call it the 'Blue Law', for some reason. But the newer generation is pushing hard to repeal the old laws, so it's only a matter of time, I guess.
I truly hope you find your way out. I agree that a 30 day break is a very good idea. Give it some thought. All the research says that a woman should have no more than 1-2 drinks in a day, once or twice a week, and a man 3 over the same time period. If we could stick to that, think how much healthier our lives would be!

[Prest4time]

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I've enjoyed reading this post.. you both have great things to bring to the table. I have strict limits with what I can have... only white wine and in moderation. I miss the red wine days... I really do. but it's just not worth it for me.

I have also found so much truth in relying on willpower vs. changing your thoughts and how you "view" it. Willpower is not bad by any means, but if left alone, it can set you up for almost certain failure. But it serves its place... it's that getting in the ride mindset, and couple that with changing your Mind... which is your thoughts, makes a great team combined with a renewed thinking process. We really do have to implement this "cognitive therapy" which is basically changing your mind about how you choose to view things. It hurts, but it works. So I am a continued work in progress! But good progress