My abusive partner is (AL). This is how I am looking at my situation. I have been in this relationship on and off for the last 20 years. He has abused me physically, mentally and spiritually. We have broken up countless times only to get back together and end up on the same destructive path. He has made me want to give up all my friends and become his only. He is so jealous and possessive.
If I spend a whole day with him he makes me feel sad, guilty, ashamed, remorse, sick, crazy in my head, panic attacks, useless he takes away everything that I thought I was. He even got me to believe that I could not go anywhere or do anything without him..go on a picnic,go out to lunch, dinner, have a friend over, going to a party, cooking in the kitchen, reading a book, gardening, watching TV etc etc...The only place he could not control me was at work but he was still always on my mind will he be there when I come home? Should I see him? Maybe for just a bit he will make me feel better Because I felt sick all day at work.
So six days ago he nearly took the one thing that I love away from me and so I have ended this abusive addictive relationship for the last time.
I know deep down in my being that all I have to do is ring him and he will be back like that!! In a split second.
I love him. I love the feeling he gives to me when I think he is being nice. But I know if I call him this will be the last time for me no more second chances for this relationship. He will take everything away from me this time, my home, my job, my 3 dogs, my family, my friends, my sanity, my life. It would be a long slow death. But I am fighting with all my soul and I know this time around he is not coming back into my life ever ever again.
They say time is the healer and I know with each passing day it will be easier. Already into my 6th day without this relationship and I feel I am coming back into being me without him.
If I spend a whole day with him he makes me feel sad, guilty, ashamed, remorse, sick, crazy in my head, panic attacks, useless he takes away everything that I thought I was. He even got me to believe that I could not go anywhere or do anything without him..go on a picnic,go out to lunch, dinner, have a friend over, going to a party, cooking in the kitchen, reading a book, gardening, watching TV etc etc...The only place he could not control me was at work but he was still always on my mind will he be there when I come home? Should I see him? Maybe for just a bit he will make me feel better Because I felt sick all day at work.
So six days ago he nearly took the one thing that I love away from me and so I have ended this abusive addictive relationship for the last time.
I know deep down in my being that all I have to do is ring him and he will be back like that!! In a split second.
I love him. I love the feeling he gives to me when I think he is being nice. But I know if I call him this will be the last time for me no more second chances for this relationship. He will take everything away from me this time, my home, my job, my 3 dogs, my family, my friends, my sanity, my life. It would be a long slow death. But I am fighting with all my soul and I know this time around he is not coming back into my life ever ever again.
They say time is the healer and I know with each passing day it will be easier. Already into my 6th day without this relationship and I feel I am coming back into being me without him.
Comment