Advice needed

[lil.michelle]

When I used to drink, I used to wake up in the middle if the night and had these 'attacks' where i loathed myself, hated myself, had so much guilt and anger. I honestly just wanted to pull my hair out, scream and die as I was worthless and a burden on my family. They happened everytime I drunk and almost always happened in the middle of the night when I'd sobered up almost like mini breakdowns.

Well I've been sober 8/9 months now, maybe more I've lost/stopped counting now and in the middle of the night, the past 3 nights, I've woken up feeling these feelings, but not as strong. I have to remind myself I'm sober and haven't drunk but they seem to stay until I fall asleep again. Even now, I feel in my gut ashamed, guilt, sad but I haven't drunk. I haven't done anything! Is this normal? Happened to anyone else?

I should add, I went on depression tablets about a week ago. Could I be those?!

[Lavande]

Advice needed

Hi Michelle,

I remember those feelings as well. In my case, I think I needed to work on totally forgiving myself for being such an idiot for so many years! Forgiving yourself can be quite difficult I think but a necessary step in moving forward.
Take a look at this - it has helped me a lot!! Forgiveness at Radical Forgiveness.com

Hang in there - it all gets better with a little time

Lav

[KateH1]

Advice needed

Hi Michele,
I understand what you are going through. For me it was waking up in the middle of the night believing that I had gotten drunk! Thoughts like....Oh! no...what the hell did I do now? How am I going to work today feeling hungover! I am so ashamed...etc. etc.....then I would finally become fully awake and realize that it was only "Night Terrors".

Why does this happen? Who knows??? I think of it as clearing out the cobwebs in my brain from years and year of alcohol abuse.

The good news is that this will stop! I agree with both Sherie and Lav regarding good nutrition and self forgiveness. I also believe that meditation truly helps!

Take Care!
Kate

[nancy]

Advice needed

return of guilt feelings

Hello,

So you said that you are on tablets for depression for one week. And you think that is the cause? Not sure about how likely that is. Are you also in therapy? You must have still had some bad feelings, bad enough to cause you to take medicine for depression. So maybe think about what led to that? Was there some anguish about the past that caused you to need medication? I hope you have a psychotherapist to talk these things through with. It doesn't sound like a side effect, but maybe you are getting more in touch with your real feelings because you took the step to go on medication. So you confront it and maybe you are worried about side effects. That would be normal.

I agree you need to forgive yourself. Easier said than done I know.

I don't believe alcoholism is a disease in its own right. I think in a lot of cases it's a symptom of psychological problems. Try to be kind to yourself, treat yourself the way you would other people, and you will do well.

[lil.michelle]

Advice needed

I went on the medication because I've had it rough the past 6 months. Stress with selling my house, more stress buying it, not being allowed back to work as I was not fit enough, being in pain all the time and the fact that my son needs heart surgery just pushed me over the edge. I've battled depression sinse I was very ill at 13, I'm now 27. Al hasn't even been on my mind. I admit I haven't forgotten or forgiven myself completely for the past 3/4 years but ive stopped the drinking so I'm proud of myself.

[hillsidetime]

Advice needed

Michelle, like our friends above, I too remember those feelings, and also dreams where I drink, and than I wake up with some many emotions. Also sometimes, while awake, something will trigger a cascade of memories and guilt about the stupid things I have done.

I have found that the longer I am sober, and the more I build myself into the person I want to be, and the person I am proud of, the less these memories effect me. They don't burn with the same intensity. Perhaps they still serve a purpose to remind us how alcohol can really damage our lives and what we want.

I don't have any knowledge about the anti depressants. Perhaps check with your doctors. Hang in there. I hope that your son is OK. You should be proud of yourself for your long stint of not drinking. I think that you know in your heart, drinking would only make things worse. Take care,
Hill

[gyco]

Advice needed

life

lil.michelle;1125533 wrote: I went on the medication because I've had it rough the past 6 months. Stress with selling my house, more stress buying it, not being allowed back to work as I was not fit enough, being in pain all the time and the fact that my son needs heart surgery just pushed me over the edge. I've battled depression sinse I was very ill at 13, I'm now 27. Al hasn't even been on my mind. I admit I haven't forgotten or forgiven myself completely for the past 3/4 years but ive stopped the drinking so I'm proud of myself.

hi lil. M,every once in a while a good thread will pop up,this happens to be a goody,the mind or the brain is a interesting organ,what ever we do to it will affect the outcome of life,specially if we add alchohol or medications,number one it is not normal to drink,no matter what anyone says,but that is ones choice,mixing the 2 well im living proof not a very good idea either,:Hhahah,there s an old saying as long as you drank or drugged it will take just as long to get out of your system,if it ever goes:upset:,remember brain cells have been damaged,once damaged they cant be repaired,what you started going thro at 13 i started at a late age of 45,and im 58 now,the depression is over of most,:Hby the way congrats on the 8-9 months,as you said the days or months go on,as long as we learn not to abuse ourselves is a bonus in itself,by the way youve come a long way,keep the good work up and yes as nancy said it is good to have councilling to gyco:goodjob:

[nancy]

Advice needed

stress

Michelle

It sounds like you have so much anxiety to deal with.
I don't know exactly what is going on, hard to tell from afar. But I do know that under stres the mind can get very compulsive an fixated on negative things. So you are currently thinking about how bad you were when you were drunk. My hope is that if this is the first time it's happened in 8-9 months sober so it will pass. Sounds like compulsive, negative thinking. You are blaming yourself because you are unhappy. I hope you get in psychotherapy and remember that the golden rule in reverse. Treat yourself like you would treat others. You might also want to try yoga and meditation to accept things you can't change etc. and not get get caught up in negative thinking.

Good luck.