Kick my butt BEFORE I do anything

[hart]

I'm on day 5 AF. I have been here before. I and my hubby are alcoholics and have gone as long as 60 plus days AF. It was great. So, things were fine until last nite I felt the depression start. I tried to get on chat here-something wrong-it takes nearly 10 minutes then someone must want to want to wait 10 minutes themselves to want to get on. I reported it to RJ and Codemonkey but I don't know with what results.

Anyway, Joe wasn't home. I started wish I could drink. Okay, I picked out a cute outfit I'd wear tomorrow, put it on, looked kinda cute. Decided to call it an early nite, REAL early-do that when depressed.

So this morning look at outfit didn't feel like putting it on-happens a lot when I'm depressed wear same old blah clothes, hairstyle, etc.

Joe is working OT but getting home early-earlier than me. If we are working on property-which is good for us both, that is good-but if not, I asked him to pick up some movies, he said okay, then thought boy beer would be good with that. DID NOT SAY THAT. Would not with Joe there-would not sabotage Joe. But if he said it I would jump at it.

This is that pattern that sabotages us. One or the both of us does this.

Now if this were Friday or Saturday and Joe wasn't home I would probably get beer.

I'm hoping by Friday this mood will pass and I won't feel this way. How can I make this mind change? KICK MY BUTT. I don't want to go down this road, it's a downward spiral and not only don't I want it for me I don't want the guilt and shame of taking my hubby down with me.

HELP. :upset:

[Miss October]

Kick my butt BEFORE I do anything

Great Job on Day 5 Hart ! Considered yourself kicked......now please return the favor. I need a good butt kicking myself !

[Barbara1234]

Kick my butt BEFORE I do anything

Hi Hart,

I have bad depression too. I don't know why the depression comes on, but it has gotten to be less often since I quit drinking. I'm on day 17 now.
For me, drinking brought on depression big time. I would drink at night, be hungover in the day, drink at night etc....
Since being AF, I have been going through a lot of emotional highs and lows, it must be part of the detox that my body is feeling.
You are on day 5, and that was a bit of a tough time for me. I was here reading and posting quite a bit to keep my mind off the AL, and it worked. I also have the CD's which I highly recommend for relaxation through down times. The sleep CD is wonderful, it delivers a subliminal message while you drift off to the sound of water flowing.
It was good that you tried to get on chat, sorry that didn't work.
Sometimes exercise helps me through the down cycle, sometimes a decadent bowl of ice cream helps.
I am also getting a battery of blood work done to see exactly where I am with my hormones. There could be something there that may need adjusting. Might be a good idea for you too since you are predisposed to depression. Hey, sometimes it's a medical issue.
I would say to find a way to plow through the depression rather than give in to AL, because AL is the major contributor. Just think of how much worse the depression, guilt, shame, weight gain would be if you drank. Get a plan in place for when the waves of depression and craving to drink come on because they always do. Plan for it.
Come here when you feel that way, just type away if you can't get on chat. Try not to give in because I know it will only get worse. Even going for a walk helps to shift my mind. Hope this helps.

[rubywillow]

Kick my butt BEFORE I do anything

Harty, you've recognized the problem, right? Now the hard stuff. MAKE yourself make some changes. You'd be surprised how quick that depression lifts when one person says, 'WoW! You really look nice today.' If by chance no one does, PM me, and I'LL tell you how nice you look, because we all look great sober, right? Hang in there girl, and pull up them panties!!

[red67]

Kick my butt BEFORE I do anything

Hey Hart, good for you for recognizing you need help before you pick up the drink. When I finally was able to quit I made the commitment to myself that I would not drink NO MATTER WHAT. At first when that idea was suggested to me I thought, "yeah whatever, I can think that now but when I am tempted that aint gonna work". Well it did work! Once you practice and repeat it over and over (and I did that ALOT!) it almost becomes automatic. It's like a mental roadblock that goes up - I 'm sure I could go around the roadblock and take the drink but that would set me up for more and more relapses. I kind of look at it like building sandbags aroung a flooding dam - if the water gets thru, the bags will never work to keep the rest back and the wall will collapse. But if I keep making the wall stronger with more sandbags I will be safe.

What I didn't realize in the last 4 years that I was trying to quit is how much of this is mental. I had to look at my behaviour and thought patterns and completely rewire them. Of course I am only at day 82 and I have a long way to go but the changes I have made already have made a huge difference. I can honestly tell you that I have almost no strong urges to drink. Sometimes I get little thoughts but I have been able to squash them immeditely with little effort. Sometimes they pop up out of the blue and scare me a bit. But then I refocus and remind myself why I am AL free and how I want to live.

The one thing I don't have is a spouse who drinks also so I know that can make it more difficult. For me being around other people who drink now doesn't bother me at all - I truly feel sorry for them and I am glad it won't be me feeling like crap tomorrow. It's like I have reprogrammed my brain to think of Alcohol as poision - and I definately don't want to drink poison!

Also, I set up rewards for myself as I achieve my goals - again a big part of the mental game but it works!

You can do this!