So ashamed of me ...

[bouchard01]

Friday was my husbands birthday, we had afew drinks. My pregnant (27) daughter who is beautiful and a mini-me was present and can really push my buttons. She can be very judgemental and was running a certain person down and I lost it, said way too much, called her all sorts of not too nice things. She of course would have been just a drunk if not pregnant. Anyway, I really got it

quote " don't think you realize how far back my hurt and pain goes.... I'm sad but as much as I am sad I am mad.

The problem I have isn't with ____, it's with you. I have concerns about _____. But as far as ___ and ___ goes that's there business. I told dad my concerns and he agrees. I don't know why you turn a blind eye to this but you do.

My problem is that everytime you get drunk you are mean to me. You pick a fight over anything Or assume I'm judging you or starting somthing with you when I'm not. It's a given that there will be an agument every time.

In ________ I avoided it by going to bed before you hit that point. And for once a holiday without fighting.

I'm done with being hurt by you. If you feel so strongly about the things you said to me, then how does it get better. In your eyes I'm a spoiled brat, fucking princess that only cares about money. And the list goes on.... Now I know gg and the rest of the family feels the same way you do.

______ told me she couldn't believe how well I handled it, and was scared to leave me alone with you, as you yell "fuck you " in my face and through a pillow, And continue to run me to the ground. I guess because I was sober and pregnant I didn't stoop to that level of hurting you back.

There has been too many happy memories gone bad because of drinking or over money.

I just wish I could video you and play it back to you, maybe then you would realize what I'm saying.....

I won't put myself in that situation again, Thats one thing I can control.

I'm sorry that it has come to this...
And I know I'm not perfect.... You made that very clear.

No matter what I will always love you" end quote

I will share with you my reply but I just feel so low and so sad ... what an idiot.

Quote "Again I'm so very sorry. I sure wish that you had come to me with this while we were both sober and could have dealt with this then, especially when your pain & hurt goes back far. But that's not the case & here we are. I had no idea that you disliked our holidays together & that I ruined them all.

I am very sorry for the things I've said to you while drunk & I will never do it again. I'm not going to make excuses because there are none but I will make the necessary changes & take responsibiltiy. Plan and simple it should never have happened. I'm just telling you that I'm sorry as I don't know what else to say. I guess it will take time for you to forgive me but I hope that you can.

The family loves you all the good (which you have so many qualities) outweighs all the bad. That's what family is all about. Not one of us is perfect and we all have our faults ... all of us.

We are all pretty strong-willed and have our opinions and it seems drunk or not people disagree and then there's the argument or hurt feelings. I'm sure you know what it feels like to get defensive when someone says something you don't agree with ... Such is what happened when you said something that GG didn't agree with. I'm sure the way I grew up has a great deal to do with the way I act & alot of it I'm sure not very proud off.

I know for sure that I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I don't react right sometimes but I tried my best to be the best Mom I could be to you & your sister & brother. If I could go back and change this right now I would"

Love Mom

I feel so terrible and just had to share this somewhere ....

[Marshy]

So ashamed of me ...

Hi bouchard01,

I've been in some horrible arguments that were caused/inflamed/fuelled by alcohol.
That's the effect it has on many people.
My relationships have improved so much since cutting alcohol out of my life. It takes time to repair the damage done but life is honestly so much better without alcohol for those of us who can't handle it.

Do you have any plans to stop?

[dlw]

So ashamed of me ...

I had a similar situation this past week, with my daughter, but I envy you, as your daughter let you know she was mad, which gave you a chance to apologies, and mine daughters anger is she Isnt talking to me. Which is worse?
So this is festering inside of me. Should I apologize, yes, will I, I don't know how. again, you at least had a chance to apologize
So yes, we are both ashamed, and I feel just as bad as you bouch
Good Luck, and I hope you get your drinking under control. My drinking happens on 1 day binges only, so hopefully this will put a check on me for a while

[Jolie]

So ashamed of me ...

Bouchard,

I can tell you first hand that my relationships (while not perfect) have definitely improved since giving up the vino. Stick close to MWO and make a plan. My first suggestion would be to get rid of all the AL in the house - too much temptation. You have to really want to change - for me I was just so sick and tired of the vicious cycle AL played in my life.

Hope you stick around and don't dwell on the past - look towards the future and getting back to really living your life instead of just floating thru it in a AL-induced haze.

[dlw]

So ashamed of me ...

I did it! Bouchard, continuing from my post above- thanks to you- I sent my daughter an apology for my mis deeds this past weekend , I don't know If I will hear back, but I feel a bit better! and its thanks to you!!!

[bouchard01]

So ashamed of me ...

Thank you all for your responses. I know I have a problem and I had started to deal with it. Tried Cold Turkey, too many side effects so decided to taper. Then the birthday party .... I am determined to make the changes. I got this message back this morning. dlw good for you!!! I had sent her the first email too which I didn't share because I was getting the silent treatment too. I hope it turns out for you. I will be sticking around. Thanks again.

(quote) It's a pretty hard subject to bring up, I don't want to hurt you. I hate it, all of this and I know it's the not who you are it's the alchol taking over. It's just once you go over your limit, and I guess that's where I wish you luck in with the drinking. If you could find a limit or drink somthing other then wine. ______ says she won't have more then a bottle of wine, and when _____ tells her to switch to beer she does. I don't know what you need to do. But I know alchol isn't worth it at all when it takes over your life.

When you and dad quit last time you were both so much happier. And I want the best for you guys. And want you to be healthy and able to be around along time to see all your grand babies grow up. I can't imagine you not in my life.

I know your a strong person and I know you will over come this....
You have are love & support always.
If your willing the make changes and not have this happen again then, of course I can forgive you. I trust you mean what you say. And you have always been the best mom.
I don't love you any less, I hated that this made me think less of you because it's not who you are. Your better then this. Your both amazing people and I know I am so lucky to have parents like you in my life.

All of your kids love you more then you know. And we are happy you are getting help. Not for us but for yourelf.....

Good luck in this journey, and if you need anything I'm here for you.

I love you so much...
And I'm sorry too.

Your daughter xo

[dlw]

So ashamed of me ...

We are communicating, thanks to YOU -THANK YOU SO MUCH.... and my daughters reply was almost the same as yours, concern, compassion and love. I guess we are quite lucky to have raised great kids! Now we just have to hold the course. Sometimes our kids tell us things we don't want to hear, cause we were the ones telling them what to do all their lives - now the shoe is on the other foot.
I can cautiously say that I slip only 1ce every month or 2, and just for a day- then I get back on track, damn- that MONSTER is ALWAYS waiting for me to let my guard down! My goal is to FOREVER stop, as I have seen so many success stories from other MWO members

Lets do it together- one day at a time

[Wagoneer]

So ashamed of me ...

Awesome. ((((you guys)))))))

[mario]

So ashamed of me ...

We have all been in situations when we do & say things through alcohol that we shouldn't have said or done,Its was another reason I used that I put in my tool box to stop drinking,But the positive part of this is reading the stories of how you all have confronted the mistakes and doing your best to make amends,And when your close friends and families see you trying to break the alcohol grip they know your very serious.keep at this fight it can be won.