Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

[Bean]

I urge you all to check out SpiritualRiver.com. It's a great AL recovery website that I came across on here but I'm not sure how many know about it as I've been on and off MWO for 5 years and have only seen the address in the last week.

The author has some really astute observations about drinking behaviour. One question he asks is: 'How much time when you are drinking, are you actually happy and enjoying it?'. He says that if you can answer, say 10+ hours, then drinking/drugs are probably still working for you, adding something to your life and why would you quit?

However, for most of us, the answer would be no more than an hour or two, MAX a week. That's a pitifully small amount of pleasure for an enormous amount of pain in my book. I worked it out for myself during my bender last week....I enjoyed the buzz etc for about 4-5 hours out of a total of 168 hours.

The rest of the time I was feeling sick, puking, unconscious, crying, feeling scared, guilty and ashamed, showing my worst side to people I actually want to impress, letting down my colleagues and friends, failing to meet social & work obligations because I was too hungover or wrecked to go/care, spending a fair amount of $ I can't really afford, wallowing in self pity and misery, feeling like a hypocrite for continuing to pretend I am AF when I wasn't and on and on...

Really quite pathetic. I'm done with this crap. I'm so sick of being in denial and I'm so sick of obsessing over it.

I DON'T DRINK ANYMORE. There, I said it.

[red67]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

[pre]The rest of the time I was feeling sick, puking, unconscious, crying, feeling scared, guilty and ashamed, showing my worst side to people I actually want to impress, letting down my colleagues and friends, failing to meet social & work obligations because I was too hungover or wrecked to go/care,[/pre]

Yep, thats exactly how I felt. This is exactly why I keep coming here everyday and reading and posting. Alcohol is very manipulative and powerful and will trick you into taking that first drink and them BOOM its got you again.

I am so glad you posted this because it really reminds us to stay on guard. For me to stay sober I need to always remember what hell I allowed alcohol to put me through. I have the power to not take the first drink, if I take that first drink then I had given my power to the demon and HE WILL TAKE OVER.

Alcohol no longer controls me because I do not drink!

[spuddleduck]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

BEAN, THANK YOU FOR THIS!! a reminder. for me the answer is about an hour. ive been thinking about this a lot lately. im drinking once, maybe twice a week now. within the first hour im so happy, loving the feeling that i have. I AM INVINCIBLE, after that,not a lot of anything happens, i turn into a horrible drunk, unaware, unfeeling, incoherent. the rest of the time is a blackout/blur, the next day is so unbelievebly awful...... my general feeling about myself is so bad........ and yet i still do it. I WOULDNT WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY..... ( well perhaps i would... only joking )

[MissHazel]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

I usually just drink alone because my husband doesn't drink because his Mom was a really big alcoholic. I just escape tomy office and drink by myself because I don't want to hurt him...I do a lot of hiding from my son. I don't even expect happiness from alcohol anymore...but I love the numbness of it all!

[rubywillow]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Bean, I can honestly say, no matter how I drank (and GAWD it was awful) everyday without AL is SO much more beautiful, productive, clear, memorable, lovable, astute, and, OH YES! happy.

[Mia]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Bean,I agree with Rubywillow! She says it all! It is exactly how I feel!!!!

[Marshy]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

By the time I got around to quitting, I wasn't getting any pleasure from drinking at all. I was just servicing my addiction every day. I hated it.

[KateH1]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Pretty much like Marshy, the last years of my drinking, there was no pleasure. I was clearly an addict.

Did stopping drinking bring me happiness? Good question. Yes, I was happy to be relieved of the hangovers along with the depression and alcohol of daily drinking. I no longer had to live with the guilt of my bad behavior and guilt that was a result of my black out drinking.

I believe that sobriety has opened the door for greater happiness and fullfilment. Clarity of mind has allowed me to be proactive rather than reactive in my life. In sobriety, I am able to clearly tackle anything that comes up in life and calmly and intelligently deal with life issues, including the death of my father, the resulting old family issues rearing their ugly heads etc. The loss of my job due to a lay off and many, many more events that were I still drinking would have leveled me.

Life is not always easy in sobriety. I am not always "Happy". But, I do have greater joy and happiness than was every possible during my drinking years. Life is what we make it! Sobriety opens the door to creating a good life!

Kate

[allswell]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Yesterday I went to the Dr. and had two huge syringes of fluid extracted from my swollen knee that was so painful and stiff I couldn't bend it and barely got in the car to drive to the office. Found out today I have gout, which explains the foot and ankle pain I've had off and on for the past two years. One more reason this shit is useless.

[looking for peace]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Great reminder Sheri! Your post is a very accurate description of the delusion we are under. I liked what you said about drinking zero drinks versus being forced to nurse 1 drink. Wow! Thank you.

[Nelz]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

Sheri;1133326 wrote: Hi Bean,

I really do think that one of the most important things we need to do is to be honest with ourselves and where we are in our lives with our drinking. When we say we really like drinking or we're pining over it when we stop, what is it that we really liked and are missing? In truth, if we really liked drinking so much, and drinking was working such amazing wonders in our life, none of us would have been desperately searching the Internet for ways to stop the madness and wind up here.

Pining and whining over what fun drinking used to be was not going to get me sober. It was going to make me miss the fantasy even more and set me up for a relapse. Sure, it might have been fun when we first started dating, and that's what our brain wants to remember, but those days are over, and they should be. Getting drunk when we're 20 was kind of fun sometimes, but still getting drunk at 40, is not so much.

Whenever my inner junkie started talking to me about missing the fun times and glamorizing AL, I had to shut it down immediately and snap myself back into reality with the truth. "Those" people who are in the bar, slamming down drink after drink after drink, are not having fun. They are getting drunk, losing themselves with each and every sip, and will wake up with a raging hangover and full of regret, perhaps because they neglected their family or work or pets, or made a total jerk of themselves, or drove home wasted, and so on. But, the "fun" doesn't end there, because now they feel so bad, they tell themselves they need a drink to feel better, and do a repeat performance. "Those" people who are drinking in isolation so no one knows their secret are not having fun either.

When we say, "I just want to drink like a normal person," what do most of us mean? Do we really want just 1 or 2 drinks? Can we honestly say that we would be content nursing only 1 drink. Not me...that was just another fantasy I had to let of and get real about. I never wanted just 1 drink in my life. In fact, I'd rather have 0 drinks than to have to be forced to nurse 1 drink. That 1 drink is the on switch. It's the 1 drink that sets it all in motion and turns me into someone I don't want to be. It doesn't make me happy. It leads me to getting drunk where happiness is just a mirage, a figment of my inner junkie's imagination.

The real (sober) me knows the truth. Happiness cannot be found in a bottle.

Sheri

Absolutely stunning response! Thank you for this, for some reason the last few days, Ive been romancing the idea that times were good when I was drinking.


LOVE that line about "it turns me into someone I dont wanna be" ty ty ty for these words

[Barbara1234]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

You are absolutely Right On Sheri,

I do remember the days that I would have rather had 0 drinks that nurse one. When I drank I wouldn't even start until I had enough booze in the house to get the job done.
Another scary thought is that I eventually got up to 2 bottles of wine per night. Add up the $$$ on that per month and you have a small mortgage payment. All the while I would graciously bow out of certain social engagements because I "couldn't afford" to do them. I told a million lies to myself, and others to protect my precious poison.
Tomorrow I will be 30 days AF! I love it. The AL thoughts come less and less and when they do, I say cancel,cancel,cancel in my head until it passes. Also the CD's with the Sleep Learning subliminal messages have helped to reprogram my brain while sleeping. It's worth my weight in gold.
Have a wonderful day everyone!!!!! Fight the BEAST!

[Bean]

Be honest - how happy does it really make you?

[QUOTE=Sheri;1133326]Hi Bean,

In truth, if we really liked drinking so much, and drinking was working such amazing wonders in our life, none of us would have been desperately searching the Internet for ways to stop the madness and wind up here.

Exactly.

"When we say, "I just want to drink like a normal person," what do most of us mean?"

I've been giving that some thought. Firstly, how do we know that the person we see in a bar, apparently having a good time, hasn't been on MWO all day before they went out or is cursing themselves as they slam back another shot because they are so mad that they caved in, yet again?
I don't think there is 'normal drinking'. I think there are people who AL gets the better of, more often than not and there are people who actually don't really like AL. These are the ones who drink a glass of wine or a beer once in a while. To me, drinking that little, that infrequently barely constitutes drinking. It's like me saying I'm a normal meat eater because I mainly eat vegetarian but once in a while will have a steak.

Anyway, just thinking aloud. Awesome reply Sheri. Thanks!!