Hi all,
I stumbled onto this forum just today and never knew it was here! I wish I had found it 12 months ago it may have made the journey easier.
I have not had a drink since the 27th of January 2011. I am 37.
I am not a binge drinker or a social drinker, booze was the fuel I eventually lived on. I have been drinking since I was 15 and for years I prided myself on my ability to out drink lesser mortals and to be the last man standing.
I started in sales at 23 and over the years grew my career and eventually started my own company. I have a wife of 11 years and three children 4, 6 and 8. I have always believed myself to be in control. The last 5 years have been increasingly tough and my consumption had long passed the point of being harmless. I had material possessions and I dearly love my kids and wife and thought that they owed me my weaknesses because I provided so well for them. Over the years I have tripped up many times and done many stupid and self destructive things but as a professional salesperson I always found my way through any drama. I have never been caught drink driving or arrested.
Five years ago my need for al had reached a critical level. Any semblance of control I had vanished. My mornings consisted of whiskey or Vodka shots, before the kids woke up, and then I would race to work before anyone else came into the office to take my next shots. Lunch time was top up time and mid afternoon was also top up time. I would come home from work at 7pm and once again top up to chase the sickness away. The kids would then go to bed and I was free of responsibility and the night would vanish in a haze of barely remembered booze. I was never abusive to my wife in any way except complete neglect. I lost the will to maintain the relationship and she was stuck with me due to business and financial ties. She spent her nights watching TV and messing around on the computer. I spent my night in the other room watching movies I no longer remember and passing out on the couch. I would wake again at 2 am to top up once more.
For those of you who know I don't have to explain the horrible physical side effects this level of drinking has on you. You already know about the sickness, the runs, the constant vomiting, the headaches, and the muscles cramps etc. I must never forget the lost time. The forgotten conversations, the promises never kept and the constant battle to keep stocks topped up and the empty bottles hidden.
In the midst of all this I continued to grow my business and make money and avoid serious questions but being the boss, my staff covered up many things for me and allowed me the freedom to indulge.
18 months ago my outlook changed for the worse and my fear and anxiety took hold and I was gripped with raging anger at my self and my drinking increased further.
In June 2010 I checked myself into detox and completed a 7 day program. I stayed sober for 5 months. I was magically cured of my self harm and began to drink again.
In late Dec 2010 I conducted a large company presentation in front of over 50 customers and potential customers. I was late and very, very drunk. My staff cringed watching me make a mockery of all we had worked for and dragged me off stage at the earliest opportunity. It was 1pm on a Thursday.
Later that week my wife took over day to day operations of our company and I was sent home to dry out. The next week I forgot to pick my kids up from school and kinder on two separate occasions and they were forced to call my wife who raced out to pick them up only to come home and find me passed out.
In early Jan 2011 my wife's beloved grandmother died and I joined the rest of her large Catholic family for a gathering the day after. I was supposed to speak at her funeral. By 5pm I had crashed through the outdoor table in front of 40 or so people. I was carried into an adjoining room. I woke the next morning to 10 people who wanted to speak to me. I was booked into a private clinic for detox and rehab. This was the 26th of Jan. (I drank 3/4 of a bottle of vodka that morning to prepare for my long stint.)
I woke on the 27th to nurses and doctors and valium and the crushing realisation that I was back in hospital. I was a shell of the person I wanted to be and for me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. My wife sent me a message that simply said that I was on my last chance and that I either sobered up for good and I would lose my family. My kids were devastated and my staff had lost the high respect they once held for me.
I was alone, hung-over, doped to the eyeballs on valium and stuck in for 7 days on detox with a further 28 days of rehab. I had finally run out of choices.
Now.
I am here, at home, and I am alive. I have my family. I see my doctor every 30 days and I have a visiting counsellor that comes every 14 days. I work in the business 2 days a week providing sales training and mentoring to the young sales team. Most of my employees quit. Only the most loyal and trusting stayed. We are rebuilding and my wife has been amazing in ensuring we didn?t lose it all. We got through by the skin of our teeth but I have set us back many years.
I work hard every day to be a better person. I have seen the absolute bottom of the bottle and while it hovers over my shoulder I have taken its control away. I am retraining my mind every day to live my life away from my old friend. I read, I study and I empower myself with knowledge on a daily basis to learn a new way of life. It is possible to find pure joy in the world away from the drink.
I will do more than survive this, I will grow from it. I have learnt more in the last 18 months than I have in the last 10 years.
If you are in a dark place and you no longer see any light please continue to forge forward. You have the power deep within yourself to find your way out of the hole. This is a brief history of my life so far.
From someone who was so lost words cannot convey the depth of helplessness I ask you to first dream of a better day, then believe in it and then chase it. When you get there hold on to it.
I wish everyone struggling today the strength to fight for a better life again tomorrow regardless of what today has brought. While there is breath in your body you are never truly lost.
Good luck.
Dave.
I stumbled onto this forum just today and never knew it was here! I wish I had found it 12 months ago it may have made the journey easier.
I have not had a drink since the 27th of January 2011. I am 37.
I am not a binge drinker or a social drinker, booze was the fuel I eventually lived on. I have been drinking since I was 15 and for years I prided myself on my ability to out drink lesser mortals and to be the last man standing.
I started in sales at 23 and over the years grew my career and eventually started my own company. I have a wife of 11 years and three children 4, 6 and 8. I have always believed myself to be in control. The last 5 years have been increasingly tough and my consumption had long passed the point of being harmless. I had material possessions and I dearly love my kids and wife and thought that they owed me my weaknesses because I provided so well for them. Over the years I have tripped up many times and done many stupid and self destructive things but as a professional salesperson I always found my way through any drama. I have never been caught drink driving or arrested.
Five years ago my need for al had reached a critical level. Any semblance of control I had vanished. My mornings consisted of whiskey or Vodka shots, before the kids woke up, and then I would race to work before anyone else came into the office to take my next shots. Lunch time was top up time and mid afternoon was also top up time. I would come home from work at 7pm and once again top up to chase the sickness away. The kids would then go to bed and I was free of responsibility and the night would vanish in a haze of barely remembered booze. I was never abusive to my wife in any way except complete neglect. I lost the will to maintain the relationship and she was stuck with me due to business and financial ties. She spent her nights watching TV and messing around on the computer. I spent my night in the other room watching movies I no longer remember and passing out on the couch. I would wake again at 2 am to top up once more.
For those of you who know I don't have to explain the horrible physical side effects this level of drinking has on you. You already know about the sickness, the runs, the constant vomiting, the headaches, and the muscles cramps etc. I must never forget the lost time. The forgotten conversations, the promises never kept and the constant battle to keep stocks topped up and the empty bottles hidden.
In the midst of all this I continued to grow my business and make money and avoid serious questions but being the boss, my staff covered up many things for me and allowed me the freedom to indulge.
18 months ago my outlook changed for the worse and my fear and anxiety took hold and I was gripped with raging anger at my self and my drinking increased further.
In June 2010 I checked myself into detox and completed a 7 day program. I stayed sober for 5 months. I was magically cured of my self harm and began to drink again.
In late Dec 2010 I conducted a large company presentation in front of over 50 customers and potential customers. I was late and very, very drunk. My staff cringed watching me make a mockery of all we had worked for and dragged me off stage at the earliest opportunity. It was 1pm on a Thursday.
Later that week my wife took over day to day operations of our company and I was sent home to dry out. The next week I forgot to pick my kids up from school and kinder on two separate occasions and they were forced to call my wife who raced out to pick them up only to come home and find me passed out.
In early Jan 2011 my wife's beloved grandmother died and I joined the rest of her large Catholic family for a gathering the day after. I was supposed to speak at her funeral. By 5pm I had crashed through the outdoor table in front of 40 or so people. I was carried into an adjoining room. I woke the next morning to 10 people who wanted to speak to me. I was booked into a private clinic for detox and rehab. This was the 26th of Jan. (I drank 3/4 of a bottle of vodka that morning to prepare for my long stint.)
I woke on the 27th to nurses and doctors and valium and the crushing realisation that I was back in hospital. I was a shell of the person I wanted to be and for me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. My wife sent me a message that simply said that I was on my last chance and that I either sobered up for good and I would lose my family. My kids were devastated and my staff had lost the high respect they once held for me.
I was alone, hung-over, doped to the eyeballs on valium and stuck in for 7 days on detox with a further 28 days of rehab. I had finally run out of choices.
Now.
I am here, at home, and I am alive. I have my family. I see my doctor every 30 days and I have a visiting counsellor that comes every 14 days. I work in the business 2 days a week providing sales training and mentoring to the young sales team. Most of my employees quit. Only the most loyal and trusting stayed. We are rebuilding and my wife has been amazing in ensuring we didn?t lose it all. We got through by the skin of our teeth but I have set us back many years.
I work hard every day to be a better person. I have seen the absolute bottom of the bottle and while it hovers over my shoulder I have taken its control away. I am retraining my mind every day to live my life away from my old friend. I read, I study and I empower myself with knowledge on a daily basis to learn a new way of life. It is possible to find pure joy in the world away from the drink.
I will do more than survive this, I will grow from it. I have learnt more in the last 18 months than I have in the last 10 years.
If you are in a dark place and you no longer see any light please continue to forge forward. You have the power deep within yourself to find your way out of the hole. This is a brief history of my life so far.
From someone who was so lost words cannot convey the depth of helplessness I ask you to first dream of a better day, then believe in it and then chase it. When you get there hold on to it.
I wish everyone struggling today the strength to fight for a better life again tomorrow regardless of what today has brought. While there is breath in your body you are never truly lost.
Good luck.
Dave.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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