ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Ok, if we're doing jokes, this one made me laugh. Wrong time of the year, but what the heck...

One Christmas, Santa was having a really bad day. The local elves union was up in arms over their contract and were threatening a walk-out. Mrs. Clause was pissed that Santa was never around to appreciate all of the hard work she had been doing around the house. Santa decided he needed to go home, sit in front of a fire and relax.

When he got there, Miss Clause was all up in his face and wouldn't let down. Then, there was a knock on the door. It was Rudolph. He said the reindeer were sick and tired of Santa not upgrading to the new lightweight sleigh and they were joining the elves walkout. Santa slammed the door and threatend "The next person who knocks on that door is gonna get it!"

At that time, there was a knock on the door. Santa flung the door open and there stood a tiny little angel. The angel had been searching for the perfect Christmas tree for Santa's house all day long, until it found the perfect one. The little angel asked, "Santa, I was wondering where you would like me to stick this tree?"

And that is the story of how the angel atop the tree tradition began.

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

And my favourite subject!

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the
supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans
overwhelmed him.

Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked
beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on.

Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

[stirly-girly]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Ha!!! You thought I was nowhere in the vicinity of MWO didn't you PandaMan???:H:H

Hello Troopers!!

Recluse;1137764 wrote: My clock/thermometer thingy says it's 30C. This is on the Costa del Isis.24C here in Stirly-World and we had another light shower today. I'm loving it. In the past we've had hot spells in June that went up and over 45C. :upset:
mario;1137765 wrote: Afternoon army

:wavin: How was work, Mario?

I've been absent a bit due to a very busy weekend and power outages that messed my computer up a bit. Thank goodness for a son who is a computer expert and a system called "remote assistance". Looks like things are back to normal now. Just hope the lights don't go out again at 8pm as they did a couple of times lately.

Anyone heard from Molly?? I haven't read back over the boards yet??

[mario]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Hi recluse :-)


Hi stirly thinking of you today as i was listening to the news about greece, how are you fairing out ?

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Hiya stirly! :l

Molly did post earlier. Sounds like she's having a great time.

Have you been protesting and rioting and striking?

[JackieClaire]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Eveninks my darlinks

LMAO...............Reccy.

Well that was a beaut of a storm, taken some of the humidity out of the air.

[stirly-girly]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

mario;1137780 wrote: Hi recluse :-)


Hi stirly thinking of you today as i was listening to the news about greece, how are you fairing out ?
Mario, both our store and our apartment are far away from the protests and the trouble so that's not a worry. But I just hate seeing what they're doing to Athens. There are more strikes and therefore demonstrations called for tomorrow and Wednesday. No public transportation, banks and such closed. Just a mess with nothing to be gained.
Recluse;1137782 wrote: Hiya stirly! :l

Molly did post earlier. Sounds like she's having a great time.

Have you been protesting and rioting and striking?

Good to hear about Molly.

I don't believe in protesting and such against something that must be done to save the economy of this country. We really have no choice except to do what the people lending us the bale-out money tell us to do.

Not striking either, Reccie but we are selling a really lot of protective face masks and goggles......

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

stirly-girly;1137789 wrote: I don't believe in protesting and such against something that must be done to save the economy of this country. We really have no choice except to do what the people lending us the bale-out money tell us to do.

Not striking either, Reccie but we are selling a really lot of protective face masks and goggles......

Stirly, I invest in the financial markets, so I read an awful lot of economic stuff and make it my business to understand what is going on in economies all over the world. It has been obvious to me for at least a couple of years that Greece is going to default. Its national debt is approximately twice the level at which a country typically defaults and it really is beyond saving. Frankly, the latest bail out is just throwing good money after bad. (Hope that wasn't too political.)

Hello Jackie!

[JackieClaire]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Hello Pandaman,

Often wondered what you did for a living,mind you I have no idea what your talking about, but I used to read the Financial Times. Bloody awful paper, there's no problem page but the sport is excellent.

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Zenstyle;1137794 wrote: Reccie... did I tell you I'm an ex trader? Scalper actually. (Ugh!) If I'd kept up with it I'd have been riding USO the last few months...

All the bail outs are throwing good money after bad. Look at over here... its a shambles. They give money to people that already have it and the people that don't get even more screwed. There's going to be no middle class before long.

My apologies too for being political. I don't like to talk about it to be honest.

Hello zenny. Yes you did tell me. Totally agree with you on the bailouts. The US, like a lot of countries is essentially bankrupt, it's just not obvious yet.

[JackieClaire]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

When I worked in the bank it was the lesser of two evils. It was either the Financial Times or the Sun.

Me and the other junior teller used to draw bras on the ladies with no vests on page 3.

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

JackieClaire;1137795 wrote: Hello Pandaman,

Often wondered what you did for a living,mind you I have no idea what your talking about, but I used to read the Financial Times. Bloody awful paper, there's no problem page but the sport is excellent.

No Jackie, I used to work in IT until a couple of years ago and now I'm semi-retired. But I have some savings and I manage my own investments. I always find that if you want a job doing properly, you have to do it yourself.

[JackieClaire]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

Now I hope you realise I've just had to google scalping and ended up with me wagon train surrounded by men with feathers in their hair.

It's the next entry down :new:

[Recluse]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

JackieClaire;1137809 wrote: Now I hope you realise I've just had to google scalping and ended up with me wagon train surrounded by men with feathers in their hair.

It's the next entry down :new:

:H:H:H

[stirly-girly]

ARMY THREAD 27/6/11

JackieClaire;1137788 wrote: Eveninks my darlinks

LMAO...............Reccy.

Well that was a beaut of a storm, taken some of the humidity out of the air.

Recluse;1137792 wrote: Stirly, I invest in the financial markets, so I read an awful lot of economic stuff and make it my business to understand what is going on in economies all over the world. It has been obvious to me for at least a couple of years that Greece is going to default. Its national debt is approximately twice the level at which a country typically defaults and it really is beyond saving. Frankly, the latest bail out is just throwing good money after bad. (Hope that wasn't too political.)

Hello Jackie! Hello from me too, JC :happyheart:

Not too political Reccie. I'm frankly tired of the whole thing. Tired of the politicians who don't give a fat rat's clacker about this country, only about their own political career and sick to death of hearing those who actually had a huge hand in causing this situation try to put the blame on others. Okay, that's my wee rant for tonight.

Sorry to be so long getting back after my previous post but I there was some discussion here about the general situation (again), then I got a phone call from younger son. Frankly he about talked my ear off but bless him, did give me a good laugh...


Zenstyle;1137797 wrote: I know what he does Jacks... lol. Used to do it myself. I think Reccie and I are leading parallel lives... we're even the same feckin age!

Reccie... ya need to get yer arse out of the house and start socializing. There. I said it! ) I mean it... you're isolating and I can recognize it... it takes one to know one.

I care about you Reccie-bear... I want to see you happy you know... xxx

Reccie - ditto to what Zenners said. :huggy:
Zenstyle;1137807 wrote: LOL Reccie! No Scottrade for you then.

The Prop Firm I worked with went tits up and I'm still waiting to get the rest of my dosh back. They don't have much left now (just over 4 grand) but its bugging the hell out of me. I used to trade with a friend (his name's Mike)... we sat on speaker phone all day and scalped. I haven't got the guts for it any more...

Quite a few years ago Mr. Stirly decided to invest his money in blue chip stock. Well that's what he said they were - banks and such. At one point he'd made a fair profit and I suggested it was time to sell the stocks and cop a profit. Did he listen to me? No.o.o.o.!!! So he's still waiting to earn his original investment back. But it ain't gonna happen in his lifetime. Sometimes, you should just lissen to the missus...