This week has sucked..

[MissHazel]

I am almost 21 days sober and I felt so good last week...not so much this week. I think about everyone out there who is dealing with terminal illnesses...my Sister, my best friend, who died at 49 from a rare type of aggressive cancer and I know that I have a choice with my disease. I can choose not to drink. I want to feel better. I am taking the supplements and am listening to the hyno cd's but I am on pure willpower this week. My husband is trying to support me but he doesn't understand. I am writing this because I need help today. Please tell me something that gives me hope.

[nicelife]

This week has sucked..

Hi MissHazel, I really don't have any advice but want to help you stick with your AF plan. It isn't easy, and it is hard for someone who doesn't live this nightmare to fully understand. I do, 'cos I'm a boozer. I have to stay completely AF or life is different and too much energy! I guess we all have our reasons to want to be AF and I spent 6 years completely AF up until the last 6 months. How quickly I was back on the rollercoaster! I thought I could manage but the filth gets me every time I try to control it and every time I've decided I can be in control I lose - it just is NOT worth the pain of going there. My reasons for wanting an AF life are endless - family, money, pride, freedom, self respect, energy, sleep, honesty, social engagement, PEACE and the list goes on. We all have hard times and when I'm AF I cope much better as AL just adds another dimension I have to deal with. It's bloody hard work being a boozer, lying, juggling debt, hiding from people, puking all day/night! Trying to work out how to get enough booze without the family finding out, keeping up a professional profile in a high pressured job, driving to where you have to be, looking half decent when you're bloated and a size only tent dresses fit, knowing that deep inside there is a moral, intelligent, funny, loving person who is desperate to be 'normal'. For me focusing on the things that make my heart glad helps. I'm the sort of person who responds to order so I plan and record and tick lists and count things (either days or hours or calories or steps or.....whatever). I remind myself that this IS the life I want - I never want to be the person I used to be. It may be a long way forward but backwards is a LOT further - for me anyway. Just try to keep AF for today - tackle tomorrow when it gets here. One day at a time......21 days AF is fantastic and you should be so very proud - NOW make it 22! Don't fret beyond that plan. Hugs and strength, Amanda.

[MissHazel]

This week has sucked..

Wow Thank you.

You are a great writer so thank you for the reply. I want to be at a place where I don't crave a drink to be numb and to sleep. I wish someone could tell me that it happens at some point...hence the whole hope thing.

[nicelife]

This week has sucked..

I sincerely promise you - it does happen! If you stick with this program you WILL get to a point where doing all the things the tool box suggests, or the literature recommends, will be the norm and your present state will be the abnorm. I do know this!!! Why I ever took another sip is just beyond me!!!! I can't tell you when it will happen for you BUT it does happen.

[nicelife]

This week has sucked..

You have mentioned something in your last post you may want to focus on - HOPE!!! Just imagine how you will feel if all hope is lost and you do decide to drink. Don't let yourself down - turn your hope into something absolutely REAL. I HOPE I don't let AL win and that my life stays as good as it is without it. I'm turning my hope into my reality. Believe me, if I can do this YOU CAN TOO. I used to say that to people who would ask me if they could do a body blast session at the gym.....if I can - you CERTAINLY can - I'm nothing special, just trying to be 'normal'!!! If you get past this and don't drink just think how proud of yourself you WILL be!!!!! Big hugs, Amanda.

[MissHazel]

This week has sucked..

You are so sweet!

Amanda,
You are incredibly sweet and thoughtful. I will stay home tonight and I wish all good things for you..You deserve it! Thanks for talking to me when I need it!

[nicelife]

This week has sucked..

Thank goodness - I was hurrying off to a meeting but had to run back to say one more hang in there and saw this post. Good for YOU!!! You did it......I'm sooooo pleased for YOU!!!! One step at a time, and you did it. I feel like I've won the lottery for some reason......and I feel like having a great big cry. Well done - REALLY and TRULY. Mwah!!!!!!

[DriftyAlison0]

This week has sucked..

MissHazel;1141230 wrote: Amanda,
You are incredibly sweet and thoughtful. I will stay home tonight and I wish all good things for you..You deserve it! Thanks for talking to me when I need it!

Great to hear! Sorry that I was so late in replying to your one post, but I was at church and then a church function and got home less then an hour ago. :goodjob: like I said in the other thread, the longer that you stay af, the better that you feel and the easier that it will be to stay af. You did the right thing by staying home!

[MrsB]

This week has sucked..

nicelife;1141209 wrote: Hi MissHazel, I really don't have any advice but want to help you stick with your AF plan. It isn't easy, and it is hard for someone who doesn't live this nightmare to fully understand. I do, 'cos I'm a boozer. I have to stay completely AF or life is different and too much energy! I guess we all have our reasons to want to be AF and I spent 6 years completely AF up until the last 6 months. How quickly I was back on the rollercoaster! I thought I could manage but the filth gets me every time I try to control it and every time I've decided I can be in control I lose - it just is NOT worth the pain of going there. My reasons for wanting an AF life are endless - family, money, pride, freedom, self respect, energy, sleep, honesty, social engagement, PEACE and the list goes on. We all have hard times and when I'm AF I cope much better as AL just adds another dimension I have to deal with. It's bloody hard work being a boozer, lying, juggling debt, hiding from people, puking all day/night! Trying to work out how to get enough booze without the family finding out, keeping up a professional profile in a high pressured job, driving to where you have to be, looking half decent when you're bloated and a size only tent dresses fit, knowing that deep inside there is a moral, intelligent, funny, loving person who is desperate to be 'normal'. For me focusing on the things that make my heart glad helps. I'm the sort of person who responds to order so I plan and record and tick lists and count things (either days or hours or calories or steps or.....whatever). I remind myself that this IS the life I want - I never want to be the person I used to be. It may be a long way forward but backwards is a LOT further - for me anyway. Just try to keep AF for today - tackle tomorrow when it gets here. One day at a time......21 days AF is fantastic and you should be so very proud - NOW make it 22! Don't fret beyond that plan. Hugs and strength, Amanda.

Wow what a truly inspiring post - thank you