finding it difficult to be positive

[looking for peace]

I didn't know where to post this but I just wanted to get this out. A series of life changing events have occurred over the last 3 years and I am finding it difficult to adjust and to be positive. I have posted before that we moved almost 3 years ago to a new city that I particularly don't like, I have an autistic teenager and another teenage son set to go to college in a year. The older teenager has had a lot of issues adjusting to the move, including drug issues. The fall of the real estate market ensured that my son't college tuition money is long gone.

Also, As a result of the move I had to give up a part time job that I loved and I could never replicate any part of here, it was really unique. (too detailed to explain) I just found out an old friend in our last city opened a business and I would have really have loved to be a part of it (jealousy creeping in)

The lack of the job and lack of motivation has left me feeling so empty and lonely for most of the day, every day. It used to be that I kept busy most of the day, so my witching hour never started until 5pm. Now, with nothing to do, I am itching by lunchtime. I don't give in most times until after 5pm and my drink quantity has been better, but I still feel empty.

I know people have it much worse, but I still keep looking at the glass as half empty. I am going out for a walk with an aquaintance in a few minutes. I forced myself to e-mail her and made the commitment to walk. I guess it will take forcing myself to get out there.... it's just harder and harder to do. I wish I could change my attitude evrytime I have some AF time, but being AF doesn't really help this. I know I should take a leap of faith and just go ahead and commit to 30 days, but I haven't been able to. Thanks for listening.

[rubywillow]

finding it difficult to be positive

Look, you're in a hard place. I understand that, even though I haven't walked in your shoes. For each of us, it's SUCH a personal journey in our lives. I'd recommend you immediately reach out to Autistic support groups in your new area. They understand like no others what you're going through. And start looking for volunteer groups, or local free classes in areas that interest you. I found that if I KNEW I had to be sober, on task, at times, it gave me better focus to keep my goals in sight. You talked about your children, your move, but not your relationship, which caused you to move. So, how is that? Can you possibly see yourself being happy in the future there? It's not WHERE we are, hon, it's who we are. And looking back at the past will never do that. I'd guess you have untapped talents you can use, right where you are. Blossom where you're planted, OK? What can I say to help you through this?

[looking for peace]

finding it difficult to be positive

Thanks for your response Ruby. It really helps to have someone reach out to me. I have done some of the things you have suggested, volunteer groups, autism support, etc. I Think the autism support groups are more about discussing everyone's issues and complaints with their individual child and leaving me feeling like I wasn't doing enough for my son. The people that tend to join these groups are the ones that go to every school board meeting, etc, are very verbal and they push and advocate for their children. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I am just not in that place.

I don't want to make the cause for autism my passion in life (I know some parents do) I have lived it for 16 years and want to let go if it a little, it's just not where I want to be, it makes me too sad and scared.

Although I did get back from my walk and it was a really good thing to do. I came back having worked out and in a better frame of mind. I think I have to push myself to do it in spite of the lack of motivation and just realize I'll always feel better and I have never regretted any kind of workout afterwards.

Now it maybe a matter of applying the same attitude toward committing to going AF. Just to do it and trust that I will always feel better if I do and lousy if I don't.

[mario]

finding it difficult to be positive

Cant say much more than rubywillow has said, hope it works out for you, found this might help a little,

Keep positive about change, about life, about your circumstances. Research over decades has shown that a positive attitude can overcome many obstacles and problems. A recent self-help movement strongly recommends the power of positive thinking in every aspect of one's life, business, wealth, relationships, health etc. Many swear by it.

A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. Patricia Neal

[NoraC]

finding it difficult to be positive

Looking - I understand what you are saying. I think you are doing the right thing in forcing yourself to do things. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago. When I finally forced myself to see her, things began opening up for me. SLOWLY. But one of things that I have been working on is getting out & doing things. I was sitting at home with no motivation to go anywhere or do anything. So, it sounds like you are really on the right track. :l:l

[daisy45]

finding it difficult to be positive

Looking for Peace, 2 years ago I felt very similar to you. I went to see someone who advised me very strongly to read Power of the Subconscious Mind by a Dr Joseph Murphy. My life has changed in every way and I know it will continue. Reading that book led me on to reading many more that really reverberate everything that Mario says.
Give it a go; what have you got to lose.....good luck!:l

[neart]

finding it difficult to be positive

Looking, it sounds like you are going through some challenging times at the moment. Fair play to you for getting in touch with someone and getting outside for a walk - that it what it is all about - just doing something, anything. It's all about finding what works for you - and as the others already said, a change in attitude can help hugely. How are your family coping with the changes? Are you able to talk with them about what you are all going through, so that you are sharing the burden with each other and helping each other through this transition?
And, I did find that AL made it 100 times harder to cope with periods of stress in my life. It made me feel depressed and isolated and lonely and bad about myself. Without AL, I still have bad days, but none of those depths. Is this an opportunity for you to think about where you want to go forward in relation to AL / being AF? Sometimes life provides us with the time and space to focus and to change.
All the best, n x

[Guitarista]

finding it difficult to be positive

Hi Looking,

Give 30 days AF a go. It will help you stop dwelling, and get you out and about walking/working out, and hence a clearer head. Any alcohol in our system makes us depressed, and brings on the negativity. 30 days AF will also give you space in your head with hopefully a bit less clutter, to work out what's best for you and your family, and will by default, relax your system, giving your mind a better chance to relax and find your way.

Best wishes on your journey,

Greg.


(Neart, Congratulation's! )

[Kimberley]

finding it difficult to be positive

Hi LFP,

I used to think negatively all the time - and yes I had reason to, just as you do. But guess what, it isn't SERVING you to think like that. Can you change your thoughts a little at a time? I have learned to see the positive in absolutely everything by practising that doggedly - whatever happened, I saw the positive in it no matter how small or trivial. I am a natural pessimist and now most people would consider me sickeningly optimistic! It has changed my attitude and this, in turn, has changed my life. Look up 'Reframing' - it's a cbt technique.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low, but I can empathise. Life threw nothing but shite my way for a long time - now it throws me challenges, opportunities to learn and grow stronger and many, many chances to sigh and roll my eyes at life's irony, fickleness, unfairness and randomness and still see what is good in my experience of it.
K x

[looking for peace]

finding it difficult to be positive

Thanks everyone for your input. Especially Kimberly, your words are very helpful. I will definitely look up reframing. I am just amazed at the wisdom that many people have to share in this forum. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't really post because I haven't accomplished my goal yet and feel like a leech instead of a help to someone, but I always get very thoughtful replies and practical suggestions. Thank you again

[crocster]

finding it difficult to be positive

Hi LFP, Before I stopped drinking I felt very negative, depressed and lacking in energy and motivation. I'm finding the longer I go without AL, the better I'm feeling - without really doing anything else. At some point AL stopped being the solution for me and became a big part of the problem. Perhaps a stretch AL free could help you too.

[nancy]

finding it difficult to be positive

transition periods

Transition periods are so hard to deal with. I think the answer is unfortunately to live with what is going on at the moment. Buddhism has a lot to offer in terms of teaching us how to live with emptiness and uncomfortable feelings, which can last a long time, even years. You should look up the author Pema Chodron who became a Buddhist nun after her marriage fell apart. She wrote a lot about the falling apart feelings.

Experiences can be bad but much worse is the judging feelings that go along with them. So you want to try to not draw too many conclusions or spend too much time ruminating and avoid comparing with other people. Your experience might be better or worse. Who cares. What matters is what you feel.

The years you have had in a bad situation seem long but you will get over this. You need to think long term. don't think about years wasted. Lots of people go through the same exact thing. The past is gone. Totally. Think about now and the future, as tempting as it may be to mourn things you wasted.

And you do have to let go of your perfect part-time job. You need to find something else to move on to. It is hard but my guess is that if you look back at your own history you will have lots of experience in change and how to adjust and move on and make the best of things.

This will pass.

Good luck.

[looking for peace]

finding it difficult to be positive

Nancy, thanks for reminding me about Pema Chodron. I have several of her books on tape and will listen to them on my iPod on my walk today. I especially like her analogy of "staying in the frying pan" when things are bad instead of jumping out. She has a lot of wisdom to share. Thanks