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**NoraC** · July 21, 2011, 10:45 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Hey Carol - I feel you!! I had major triggers today. Want to drink. I'm on antabuse too. Had the same thoughts. Well, I'm not going to take it anymore and then I can drink in a couple of weeks. But, I agree with you. What's the point.
So, I went to a 9 year old birthday party. Spent some time with my family. Going to try reading a book or watching some tv. Play a game. Exercise. Just anything to learn how to cope when I have these triggers. I want to learn coping skills so that when I no longer am on Antabuse, I have other things to turn to besides alcohol.
Good luck Carol. I know how you feel. :l:h

**DriftyAlison0** · July 21, 2011, 10:52 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Just think, you will feel better in the morning, if you don't drink. Take a walk, drink plenty of fluids (AF) and don't drink no matter what. AL will just bring trouble and then you would also have to restart at day 1. AL isn't worth it.

**Turn Around** · July 22, 2011, 03:20 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

I can relate to this, especialy yesterday. Although my trigger was different, the thought of just one beer was spinning in my head after an hour of waking up. I thought I was going to go insane. Thoughts bounced back and forth and back and forth like a ping pong match. I battle anxiety attacks also and have trained to tell myself (out loud) that it's just anxiety, dismiss my heart racing and go on with what I am doing. Easier because I don't just know, I fully believe it will go away if I don't give it attention.

Wasn't as easy with craving to drink, and I too am on antabuse. I don't know why, but I have found it very poweful to speak out loud to my thoughts and demand them to stop, telling my mind what exactly it needs to do and redirect my thinking. I do it often regarding AL now, and speaking to myself instead of playing the ongoing back and forth thought games. A shower, or car, walk or just another room. I've even started vacuuming to make noise and did it.

We all know what happens when we think ourselves into picking up a drink. This approach helps me tremendously, speaking my way out of that thinking. Usualy we all feel better when we have someone to talk to because we can get it out. Try getting it out saying it to yourself. Some thoughts can seem totaly logical when we think them, but when we say them out loud and hear them ourselves they can look irrational. People do say when someone hears something enough they start to believe it, and it's so true. I hope you are doing well.

**Doggygirl** · July 22, 2011, 09:11 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Hey Carol. I used to get mad at my family and "drink at them" all the time. :H It never helped, obviously, LOL. Doesn't even make sense. "I'm having an issue with family member _____________, so I'll solve this problem by damaging my liver."

Hopefully being on Antabuse has saved you from the insanity that we all go through with AL.

DG

**NoMoreWineThisTime** · July 22, 2011, 09:50 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

I agree with the above. The booze won't change anything that is bothering you. You will then feel bad that you "gave in" and feel weak. Not worth it. Getting over this means when the urge hits, you just have to have conviction that you are not going to give in. Stay on your meds and keep moving forward. A time will come when you won't think about it as much...or at all.

**Mandy64** · July 22, 2011, 10:50 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Carol - Hope writing this out helped you somewhat - it sure helped me to read and relate. I have been on Antabuse for a week and am convinced I would have given in and turned to drink simply because I could. Sounds like you will stay strong and stay on Antabuse - Also am impressed you did not try and 'test' the affects of alcohol to see if you could get away with a drink.

**Purple Troll** · July 22, 2011, 09:49 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

First of all, thanks for all your responses!!! It's really encouraging.

So - the morning after the night before...
Woke up this morning and thought 'So, after a good nights sleep I Always calm down about any recent drama in the Fam. The only difference this morning is I didn't get blotto last night'.
This is a Really Good learning curve here.

First I've learned that I don't have to have a back up plan for when my buttons get pushed - that, of course, IS the goal - find (nonalcoholic) ways to deal with stress for when I'm (someday) off Antabuse.
Nora - I love the way you're finding alternate ways to distract the triggers (I also love your picture- big fan of the old Nick & Nora movies).
I do plan to come up with some ideas and have decided to try making a list of things I could do (I'm really big on lists) but the neat thing about this med is worst case scenario I just pitch a mental hissy fit.

Mandy - Believe me, I thought about giving it a test try but I found this website by Googling Antabuse and one of the things that came up was a thread from this site (I've listed it below) that's, like, over 40 pages long on Antabuse. A Bunch of them on the thread 'tested' it and it scared the dickens out of me for trying it myself - reactions ran the gamut of lobster red face and racing heart to puking their guts out to being rushed to the ER...
I've read the thread a couple times now to help me to keep focused.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...ead-20207.html

TurnAround - although I'm always talking to myself in my head it's a new thought to do so aloud. That does make sense for me. Actually, a LOT. I can see it would focus me. That's going to be tops on my List.

The other thing I like about this med is the fact that is stays in my system so long. Triggers like this don't stay in my head that long. I'm maybe 70% less agitated than I was last night about this whole deal and will have sluffed it off within maybe a couple more days.
So even if I decide to skip the meds so I can drink I don't see me lasting the ten days before saying 'It isn't worth it' and the minute I pop the pill in my mouth again I'm back on program without having really even gone off it.
I didn't take it last night or tonight but I'll post here when I do.
It really helps having you guys to answer to.

Thanks again, Carol

**NoraC** · July 22, 2011, 09:55 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Carol - you are so right. I took another pill this morning. Had to force myself. So, I'm AF for another 10 days. And believe me - I am still having issues. I normally take 1/2 pill 3 times a week. Decided that I better make sure to get another one in my system this morning.
Glad that you are making a list of alternate ways. I know it's not easy to try something else when we know what we want to do. :H But, I think that is what we have to do. :h

PS - Obviously I love Nick & Nora Charles (hence the NoraC moniker).

The Thin Man movies are the best!!!!

**Doggygirl** · July 23, 2011, 04:41 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Purple Troll, GOOD FOR YOU! This is awesome progress. The serenity prayer has been a really helpful tool for me in learning how to deal with my own family. (because drinking at them didn't help, LOL!) I am learning how to accept what I cannot control, and also learning how to muster up the courage to change what I can. I can't change what my family members do, but I can change the way I react to them and the way I interact with them.

I am also learning to stick to my own business and stay out of theirs. Amazingly, they get on just fine without my opinions / "help" and I get on just fine without theirs.

Don't know if any of that is useful to you, but bottom line is that sober, you can and will figure out what DOES work for you and your family relations. That is exciting!!!

DG

**merry** · July 23, 2011, 05:50 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

I'm glad you made it though the night and are still sober and have a clean concience keep it up

**Purple Troll** · July 27, 2011, 11:38 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Thank you - everyone - deeply for helping me through this.

I'm doing great. And it feels AMAZING.
It's like something is getting fixed in my head.

Heard AL calling to me around day 7 off the med and went through a bit of a 'Well... I Could in three days and Then go back on the med kind of thing...' I Did Not want to swallow that pill. (I do love that it stayed in my system long enough for me to work this out.)
I kept reading your posts as well as other threads on this site because what Finally hit me is that I'm never Going to get back to where I was back at, what is it - Stage 1? now that I've reached Stage 3. And Total Abstinence Forever was a Very New Thought to me and, frankly, an unpleasant one.
Dido has a great song about addiction and how it sneaks in pretending to be your best friend in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSVWfoeSMJQ[/video]]‪Dido Don't leave home‬&rlm; - YouTube

I guess I had that feeling for ol' AL - that he's helped (?!!?) - warped thinking obviously - me through some bad times in my life and I have to let go of my Affection for alcohol and actively realize that I have to cut off, completely off, my 'association' with it.
I have to view it as it can't be in any way, shape or form a part of my life - ever. And say, basically, we can't be friends anymore. I had to let go of it not just with my head but with my heart.
And I went through a couple of , I don't know, melancholy days while wrapping my head around that.

There's this scene in the movie A Beautiful Mind (about schizophrenia) where he says goodbye to the two invisible friends he's had since his youth. He hugs them and they plead with him not to leave them and then the camera angle is showing he's actually hugging the air but they are so real to him...
That's what I felt like.

Then when I got that all figured out and did a bit of mourning I've... just sort of... let it go because my head KNOWS it's a Bad Association and has no problem telling my heart that and now my heart is both listening and, well, agreeing - and it really wasn't before.

So... I took the med. But what I really did for the first time was take a Stand. I see the big picture now... the forest... whatever.
Two things happened:
I immediately felt relieved and rather proud of myself for not giving in (didn't see that coming).
and I realized that it's really Not That Hard.
I'm sure things will come up in the future but, I don't know, I'm thinking this first milestone was maybe a landmark one for me.

Thanks again - to you here on this thread and to this site.
Carol

**TheDudeAbides** · July 27, 2011, 11:48 AM

I want a drink Right NOW.

Brilliant post, and captures the essence of what this is all about for me.

There came a time in my first sober go-around that I came to view AL as what it objectively is for me: poison. I was finally able to get past the romance of the drunk and get real. AL is poison that will eventually kill me. End of story.

Once that happened, it was much, much easier not to drink. Until I forgot that one lesson and got lazy and complacent. And have paid for that ever since.

But you're absolutely right: this fundamental change in mindset is crucially important. If you've got that in your arsenal, it is huge deal!

**Cinders** · July 27, 2011, 12:06 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

So... I took the med. But what I really did for the first time was take a Stand. I see the big picture now... the forest... whatever.

Brilliant post. This is what beating this addiction is all about.

Hugs to you.

Cindi

**Irie** · July 27, 2011, 08:30 PM

I want a drink Right NOW.

TheDudeAbides.... You have a gift for expressing thoughts I believed were mine alone. I'm not doing as well as I want to right now. I keep thinking I can do some kind of moderation, but I can't. I'm going to try and follow your lead and stop drinking. I hope I'm not putting pressure on you -none of us need that. I just want you to know that I know you've had an AF stretch before, and everything tells me you're heading for another one. I want to hang around and learn how to do this.

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