RIP Amy Whinehouse

[mario]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Rip Amy winehouse, it dident have to end this way.

[Panno]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Taken from a tweet

Source: Getty images

?I told you I was trouble,? Amy Winehouse sang, ?You know that I?m no good.?

For me, that?s the most poignant lyric she ever wrote. It sums up the mind of an addict. You see, it wasn?t a brag; it was a mixture of ?keep away? and ?help me?.

How do I know? Because not so long ago, I was Amy Winehouse.

For most addicts, there?s a constant presence on your shoulder telling you you?re not good enough, that somehow, you?re ?less? than everyone out there. Your thoughts go round like a washing machine on high-speed. The noise in your head is constant, loud and harsh. It doesn?t matter whether you?re a rich and famous popstar, or Mary Taylor in Islington, homeless and sleeping rough in a shop doorway; it?s that same mindset. Alcohol and drugs are merely the medication.

Addiction isn?t fun. Addiction isn?t ?Let?s go to the pub and get pissed and have a right laugh? or ?Let?s get fucked on drugs and get up to mischief?. Addiction is lonely, terrifying and insidious. Oh, sure, you start out like everyone else, a few drinks here and there, a dabble or two in something a little harder. You don?t realise when it stops being fun, but it does. Suddenly you find yourself alone in a room, afraid to go out, because ?outside? is too damn scary.

So you take that hit, and for a short while, the noise stops. Peace through oblivion. Then you come around and the noise starts again, louder this time, and coupled with the anxiety, fear and terror that come with withdrawal. So you take another hit. Sweet, blessed relief. And somewhere in the back of your mind you hope you don?t wake up from this one. You?re nothing but trouble, you see. All you cause is pain and worry.

I read a fantastic blog by Russell Brand today, in which he said:

?When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction, you await the phonecall. There will be a phonecall. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they?ve had enough, that they?re ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it?s too late, she?s gone. Frustratingly it?s not a call you can ever make ? it must be received.?

The problem is, addiction is the only disease in existence that tells you that you haven?t got it. Lock an addict away and they?ll be looking for an escape, or biding their time and playing the ?yes, I?m fine now? role until they?re alone again. I?ve had people in the kitchen pouring drink away while I?ve been climbing out of the bedroom window on my way to buy more.

I?ve been a day out of hospital after being found in my flat, hours away from death, and already I?m figuring out where I can get hold of some gear. I believed the booze and drugs were giving me something. In fact, it was the opposite. They were hollowing me out, alienating my friends and family and slowly stripping me of all that was real and good.

Sadly, all the love and support in the world wasn?t going to help Amy get better. She was trotted out on stage at every opportunity to make money for her record company. She didn?t have the luxury of being left alone so she could*get better. Contracts had been signed and albums were due. Her star had to keep shining, and all the while the press were snapping at her heels, waiting for her to fall again.

I can?t imagine anything more frightening than the whole world waiting with bated breath for me to fuck up.

Yesterday evening, people shut down Facebook and Twitter, still in shock and disbelief at this tragedy, before heading off down to the pubs and clubs for a well-deserved blowout.

Mary in Islington sits down in her shop doorway, begging for a few coins to get a can of beer. Just a little something to help take the edge off. You might have seen her last night, she may have come up to ask you for some change, desperate and devoid of pride, but like a lot of people, you probably looked away, annoyed and uncomfortable.

Sunday morning rolls around, and half of London wakes up with a hangover. Some might even still be going. iTunes seizes the opportunity to promote Amy?s albums on its homepage to make some cash, and somewhere in Islington, an ambulance arrives to take away the body of a homeless woman found dead in a shop doorway.

And all over the world, recovering addicts wake up and pray to a God they?re not even sure exists for the strength to stay clean one more day.

The world carries on. Then somewhere, a phone rings.

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[mario]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Wow panno should put that as a sticky.

[red67]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Wow Panno that was an awesome post. I could feel the loneliness, despair, helplessness and disgust as if I was still in that horrible cycle. As I read Facebook posts from people who don't understand addiction I felt so angry and sad. Most of them basically blamed her and chastised her for the addiction. "She had all the money and resources to get help and she didn't" - that was the basic theme. No one chooses to become an addict. We are not born wishing to live in the hell of addiction. It is a hideous villain that seduces us and when we become trapped in its grip it mocks, belittles and torments us. When we try to break away it lures us back with promises it will be different this time. But it never is. It is a never ending cycle and if we are lucky we can finally break free of Its grip but never be free from it lurking, stalking and taunting us.

I am free today but on guard for life. I only wish others who are suffering with active addictions can find the same.

[JackieClaire]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Panno, thanks you so much for posting this.

RIP Amy.

[stirly-girly]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Panno, thank you for that post. I haven't read either the FB or the Twitter comments. Obviously, there are many people who don't understand what addiction means. They can't understand how someone so young and talented would throw away their career and indeed, their life, for substance abuse. Even Mr. Stirly mentioned it today and wondered out loud why, after hearing that her death was supposedly caused by a combination of drugs and alcohol, would she not stop before she endangered her life. Sadly, only us addicts know the reason why. It's the fucking addict's brain that won't let us stop when "normal" people say - "That's enough for me."

I didn't know Amy's music at all. I had seen pictures of her in gossip magazines and frankly I thought, based on her appearance only, that she was a bit of a freak. Only yesterday did I take a few minutes to check out a couple of videos on Youtube and realized what a truly talented artist she was. I heard her rendition of the Carole King classic - "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?". She sang it better, much better, than Carole King herself. There was such passion in her singing, it was as if she was really wondering if she would be loved tomorrow and every tomorrow, even when she succumbed once again to her addiction(s) and was booed off stage because she couldn't get the music and the words right.

It is indeed sad that she died so young. And even sadder that, as your post writes, many of her adoring fans will continue to drink and shoot up instead of taking a good, hard look at the lesson that they could have learned from her addictions and her death.

As many of you have already said, I sincerely hope that she has found peace. It's just such a shame that she and many other young, talented artists couldn't have found their peace here among us.

[rubywillow]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

I watched an Intervention about a young man who's father wouldn't say no to his children. If I remember right, he had lost his other two children within the last six months to addiction (drugs and AL). The intervention and rehab didn't work, and the father was again supporting his son and giving him money. We know how that one will end too. So tragic for these young people.

[Guitarista]

RIP Amy Whinehouse

Thank's for sharing that Panno.