Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

[Queenbug]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Well done for doing the public thing...
I did that a few weeks ago with some closer friends at work. They found it odd, but I don't think they realised how deep I'm in this. I function (on the face of it) ok at work and I sometimes think that I'm probabely not the only one there in this struggle. Some of us were chatting a while ago about how you can be close to others but so devious that even if they suspect that you are drinking, they might not be aware of the extent.
I live alone with 2 of my kids...the other is travelling...they are all over 18 now and they know and I know that I've got a problem with the demon red wine...even if it is just me sitting up alone late guzzling...but I've not had the courage to tell them yet that I'm trying to quit...means I have to be honest about the addiction and that's too scarey..
They have noticed that I'm not drinking though which is good..I just don't want to say that I've stopped and then fail in front of them again...nuts eh?
How did yours react?

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

My kids that are still at home are 21,19,15 (tomorrow),12,10 - they thought I was NUTS saying that I wanted to go AF as they DONT see that me drinking 2 bottles of wine in a sitting as something destructive, they see the "runner" and the fitness nut but when I said that I thought it was a problem that I dont want they said they understood why and my 21 year old promised that he wouldnt bring me alcohol home from work ( he works at the local supermarket) - even if I asked when I got weak.

[mumofsix]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Even hubbie doesnt think its a problem - and HE isnt a big drinker

[Queenbug]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Mine are 25, 20 and 18...25 back with me temporarily, 20 travelling (she has seen through me for a while), we were emotionally reunited a bit before she went as I was able to get brave and talk to her about some of the reasons why I started to drink initially 30 years ago, traumatic events but no reason to have continued. She said that she understood better which helped me enormously and I collect her from the airport next week and will try to hold on to her for 24 hours before she disappears off to her dad's...and I want to be able to be sober and clear for that. My 18 year old would be ok I think...he's very supportive and we are close...
just want to get this right...it's scarey isn't it?

[TheDudeAbides]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Mumofsix, we have some things in common.

I've run two marathons. And I got blackout drunk two nights before I ran Boston!

That was part of the reason I've been able to "get away" with my inveterate alcoholism for so many years. I do well professionally, I'm very athletic, on the face of it, it is difficult to see (if you don't see me drunk) that my life is entirely out of control. But just like you, I could run 13 miles, feel great, take a shower, then polish off a bottle of vodka.

Why? Because I'm an alcoholic, that's why. And given the opportunity, I don't need a trigger or a reason. I just need the alcohol.

But therein lies the beauty and simplicity of all of this, for me. If I find a way not to do one thing, drink alcohol, by life improves, immeasurably, in every single way. It's not like I have to solve The Riddle of the Sphinx in order to get well. So whatever it takes to make sure I don't consume this one singular substance that is a devastating poison that will kill me is what I am going to do. Without exception.

Remember we all understand, all too well. I have spent so much time furious at myself: "I can run marathons! I can make money! I can [anything you like]!" What a mistake! Because I am a capable person, I have insisted on proving to myself and the world that I can drink in moderation. With catastrophic consequences. This stubbornness has brought me to the brink, where I now stand, on Day 2.

So as soon as you feel that first step in the wrong direction, that first action that you know is you making preparations to drink, post: there will be people to remind you where it will lead.

As I try to remind myself, people like you and I can have everything else in our lives without condition. Or we can have alcohol and an inevitable, ugly, downward spiral. But we can't have both. I'm doing my best to choose the former, and the fact that it's even a decision at all tells me all I need to know about who I am. An alcoholic, through and through.

[cmhguy3]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Starting Day 2 here! Made it thru last night with the help of water, L-Glut and FOUR ie cream sandwiches!!!! Sounds very cold down there, It is brutal hot in the Midwestern US States right now! Hope you can get out for a run today. I am going to hit the bike trail soon before it gets too hot.

Good Luck and Stay Strong!

[damo180]

Feeling so bloody hopeless and helpless

Hi Mum of 6,

I, too am a passionate marathon runner.
I think exercise is a great motivator in staying sober.
I have put all my efforts into getting fit, which I am now, but you have to look more at the addiction also.
Keep up the running, definitely, but maybe take more time for yourself.
Log on here more, read about your addiction.
I would also recommend Allen Carrs book on alcohol.

Dont beat yourself up too much and lets get going again.

All the very best to you all.

Damo in Dublin
xx