How low can we go?

[ThreeDogNight]

How low can we go?

Hi, Cindi.

I don't know you, but wanted to tell you that I understand what you have been through and are going through. I went 14 days AF in rehab, and came home a week ago only to start drinking again. Blame my husband as the trigger, but know it's all me. I, too, had an OUI over two months ago, and I understand the part about not even knowing how I did it. The police report is terrible, and I can't recognize myself in it. So much pain has come from drinking, and I really thought I had it licked.

Maybe we can try to help each other out. I had to leave a job because I can't drive, and have a "lesser" job that my husband has to drive me to and from.

Can you sned me a PM and maybe we can talk by phone?

Honestly, I feel all of your pain.

TDN

[rubywillow]

How low can we go?

Cin, you have so many who care about you. I know it's late for you right now, esp if you're drinking. Please, get in touch with one of us. You ARE important.

[sunshinedaisies]

How low can we go?

Cindi, my heart goes out to you - we are all here for you - PM me any time, there isn't much that I can say that hasn't been said by those before me but know that we are here for you. Hang in there my dear - you are in my prayers and thoughts.

love and hugs to you,

Sun XXX

[NoraC]

How low can we go?

Cinders - I'm so glad that you reached out. You don't know it, but I have always read your posts and admired you. You give me the courage to keep fighting. We are going to do this. :h

[RingingCedars]

How low can we go?

Glad to know....Cinders, you are cherished!

[Angelcakes]

How low can we go?

She really is such a great person, Zenny. It always brightens my day when I see a Cinders post over on the Underoos.
You're a good friend, Zen xo
Hugs for you Cindi xo

[rubywillow]

How low can we go?

Zen, so good to hear there is contact. Cindi, as you said, doesn't know how her truly honest, heartfelt posts affect people. Whatever else she feels is a character flaw, I believe in her, and I want so desperately for her to know there is hope, she has people who understand and care about her. Thank you for letting us know, and being there for her.

[Grateful]

How low can we go?

Cindi...I have always loved reading your posts, too. And like so many others here, I admire you for your strength and compassion. Please keep talking with dear Zenny and just know that you are loved by so very many people here. You are in my prayers and you WILL overcome this miserable disease that so many of us battle. Thank you for having the courage to share your struggles....you may have helped others to come forward to seek help too. Big hugs from PA from another Grandma!:l:h:l

[Cinders]

How low can we go?

Wow. I feel so humbled.

I have gotten such lovely pms and such incredibly caring posts on this thread.

I really didn't mean this thread to be about me. I wanted others here to read it and see how bad it can get.

I do not want anyone to get on the elevator I have been on and go down so low. Anything I can do to help one other alcoholic avoid this fate is to what I aspire.

Seriously.

Unfortunately, like me, many will have to follow their own path and hit their bottom. I wish it wasn't so. I pray I can help one person.

I am trying to jump off this elevator before the "death" door. More importantly, I pray I can jump off this elevator before I hurt some innocent people. That would be worse than killing myself. Much, much worse.

I am an erudite, educated and incredibly talented alcoholic. None of that matters in the face of this disease. Not one whit.

We are all in this together.

I was just hoping my post would help others.

Never say, "I am not that bad." Trust me. You keep drinking, you will be "that bad." A 100% guarantee.

Love,
Cindi

[Bruunhilde]

How low can we go?

Cindi, I'm so sorry things have been so bad for you. I understand how the job can make things worse, good for you to have the courage to dump it and focus on yourself. One thing that stuck with me and made a difference in my approach to alcohol was in the MWO book: A sentence to the effect that many people fail at chucking the AL because they don't believe they can do it. So maybe that's the first step for you, as it has been for me as I go through the process of detaching from Al. The first step is to convince yourself that you CAN change this pattern and you are strong enough to do it. If you say it enough, your subconscious or primitive brain will believe it and you'll be able to choose instead of having no choice at all. It's not the answer, but its a step. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I'm on the same path out of hell.

[rubywillow]

How low can we go?

Cin, hope this gives you some incentive about what you mean to people. But in the long run, it's how you feel about you.
In rehab, we had an exercise where we were told to post the 5 most important things to our life. Of course everyone said family first. Then we were told to strike them, one after another, until the counselor asked who was MOST important in our sobriety in life. The answer is ourself. Without us existing, to work with and enjoy everything else, what is there. We can't do anything with the rest, we have no voice in the rest, unless we are here, at the best we can be. It hit me harder probably than anything else I heard, learned. The world will turn without us, but what is our contribution, our enjoyment, of it? Hope I said this the right way. We have to for once be totally selfish about our need to be well, not our need to drink.

[Cinders]

How low can we go?

We have to for once be totally selfish about our need to be well, not our need to drink.

Rubes,

I get that. I really do. I have been taught that in the three rehabs I went to.

It is difficult for me, though. I am sure you understand. Mom, daughter, grandmother that we are.

Love you,
Cindi

[Lavande]

How low can we go?

Aw Cindi,

So sorry you've had such a hard time:l
But I'm glad you came back to post & I hope you are having a better day.

Time to take care of you now. Once that is done then you can take care of all the others you love.

Will be keeping you in my thoughts & wishing you the best

Lav

[Theme2be]

How low can we go?

cinders, its is Theme2be.

Lets take time to sort this abstract distortion of ourselves .
I Know this struggle as you know me.


Listening

[Queenbug]

How low can we go?

Cinders....keep reading back through these posts...you are obviously very well loved and as far as I can see in life, that's about the person you are...not the sum of your acts.
I agree with what Zenstyle just said...its addiction...and you have been strong enough to fight it AND support others before....IMHO that makes a good person who deserves love and care from people around...as well as from themself...

Stay close...be safe...hold tight

xx