Holding on for dear life

[ATLThrash]

Holding on for dear life

Thanks Rubes-- if those are your grandkids in your pic-- what a gorgeous lot they are! I am actually pretty hopeful now. Maybe I had to just hit the peak of self loathing to come back up. I am better than this-- we all are and now it is just time ot have the life I always wanted. Do iever appreciate all of you on MWO!

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

ATLThrash;1154728 wrote: Yes, I am much better-- just a few days off AL and things seem much clearer. I appreciate the advice. I am pretty sure that AL is exacerbating any issues I have. None of them will get better with AL, all worse. Even if they are here without the booze-- I am thinking I will be much more equipped to deal with them without it. Simple science--- alcohol has calories so I am not going to lose weight while drinking it. Simple fact 2-- it ratchets my anxiety up to the point where I have a self loathing hate binge on myself-- which can't be productive.

Thanks for the offer to meet Ruby. We are heading to the beach next week for one last hurrah before our child starts Catholic school. New school year, new start.

BRILLIANT!!!!

[nancy]

Holding on for dear life

ruminating

Hi ALT
It sounds like you are doing a lot of ruminating. Someone once told me that I was doing that a lot and I thought about it and it was true.

You don't get out of a bad situation by ruminating, getting into a state of panic. And you probably won't lose weight by criticizing yourself. You say you need to lose 50 pounds, so i bet even 20 would do a lot for you. I suggest once again, get some help from a therapist or even a nutritionist coach and set realistic goals for your weight. Tough love might help some people but you and I are not among them I bet. It's easier said than done of course to create a positive mental environment but it is doable with help.

When you see your mind is spiralling out of control the best thing is to talk about it with someone you connect with and who will understand, either a friend or a therapist.

Good luck!

[ATLThrash]

Holding on for dear life

Nancy-- Oh heavens yes-- I am a ruminator and always have been. It actually used to help me be single minded in accomplishing goals. Somewhere along the way it met up with my anxiety and then it just became a hamster wheel for quite a few of my goals-- they got stuck on the wheel and the plan never got implemented. To the good, I guess I can say a few of my golas that I have ruminated on in the last year did get met so I am not totally stymied. I went to a therapist today and it was nice to emotionally vomit as I say on him and not on my husband. Pretty sure that will help more than a nutritional coach-- my weight was all gained due to a discreet 9 month binge , pregnancy (hee) and I never lost it due to other bad habits of course. Just stopping eating like I am pregnant will help immensely along with continuing not to drink and talking to the therapist, using supps etc. Have a good weekend

[nancy]

Holding on for dear life

good to hear it

I am so glad you are back in therapy. I find therapy so useful. You are sharing your thoughts and they can see when you are having unrealistically negative thoughts and call you on it. In the last two years of therapy I have grown immensely. I am a lot more forgiving of myself and I often dismiss that inner critic as not being accurate now. The book Mindful Way Through Depression is also good for that. You have a good weekend yourself.

[ATLThrash]

Holding on for dear life

I will read that book. i actually used a lot of the techniques he went over with me to ratchet down my anxiety. I still go to Defcon 1 at times (usually at times when I am on MWO--hee) but it is not like it used to be. Hopefully continuing to go weekly will move me from thinking to doing. Lord it is hot here-- we are about to go play outside-- it is 6:30 and still over 90!

[nancy]

Holding on for dear life

therapy

I usually go every other week. I have taken months off though. Anxiety is weird. Those thoughts feel real at the time but they are not. I read an interesting book suggested by my therapist called My Stroke of Insight about a woman who had a stroke and her inner critic disappeared when she lost function in one half of her brain. Meditation and prayer help you develop that side that is not critical and telling a story, the part of the brain that is in the present moment. That's worth a read too. I definitely am not taking those critical thoughts very seriously anymore and it's a blessing. It's good for sobriety too because if you are caught up in all those negative thoughts you will need an escape.

Good luck with the heat.

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

nancy;1155262 wrote: I usually go every other week. I have taken months off though. Anxiety is weird. Those thoughts feel real at the time but they are not. I read an interesting book suggested by my therapist called My Stroke of Insight about a woman who had a stroke and her inner critic disappeared when she lost function in one half of her brain. Meditation and prayer help you develop that side that is not critical and telling a story, the part of the brain that is in the present moment. That's worth a read too. I definitely am not taking those critical thoughts very seriously anymore and it's a blessing. It's good for sobriety too because if you are caught up in all those negative thoughts you will need an escape.

Good luck with the heat.

That's worth repeating!

[nancy]

Holding on for dear life

stroke book

From the back of the book, My Stroke of Insight:
"
The stroke was a blessing and a revelation. It taught her that by "stepping to the right of our left brains," we can uncover feelings of well-being that are often sidelined by "brain chatter." In My Stroke of Insight, Taylor provides a valuable recovery guide for those touched by brain injury and an inspiring testimony that inner peace is accessible to anyone.

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

nancy;1155269 wrote: From the back of the book, My Stroke of Insight:
"
The stroke was a blessing and a revelation. It taught her that by "stepping to the right of our left brains," we can uncover feelings of well-being that are often sidelined by "brain chatter." In My Stroke of Insight, Taylor provides a valuable recovery guide for those touched by brain injury and an inspiring testimony that inner peace is accessible to anyone.

Very cool. I like your avatar btw and there are 3 nancys on this forum that I know.

[nancy]

Holding on for dear life

avatar

Yeah, the book was really interesting. I think all too often we are slaves to this thinking brain. What a relief that it's not real.

Glad you like my avatar. I can't remember when but a while back I made some comment about someone's avatar and it made me laugh so hard when the person came right back at me and criticiized (jokingly) my "cartoony" appearance. Hilarious.

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

Same like garbage in -- garbage out in a rudimentary way of thinking. Most of the fairy figures like that avatar are sexist I think--i'm weird like that sometimes. Nice to meet you.

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

And it takes a long time sometimes to redirect but possible

[ATLThrash]

Holding on for dear life

For the longest time I used to say that I wished I could "turn my brain off". That was one reason (along with a bad concussion years ago-- not AL related) that I could not sleep. I was on a constant loop. In watching some of thsoe shows like Hoarders or Obsessed I realized that what was happening to me was just a milder version of what often happens to them-- going over and over to the worst case scenario. The techniques to deal with that were very helpful. Now to just get focused on other things. I do think I can continue not to drink though at times it will be hard, very hard. Drinking is often for me a symptom of trying to quiet the raging thoughts in my brain. If I gain control over that part-- other things will follow (I hope). It's definitely time!

[RingingCedars]

Holding on for dear life

ATLThrash;1155297 wrote: For the longest time I used to say that I wished I could "turn my brain off". That was one reason (along with a bad concussion years ago-- not AL related) that I could not sleep. I was on a constant loop. In watching some of thsoe shows like Hoarders or Obsessed I realized that what was happening to me was just a milder version of what often happens to them-- going over and over to the worst case scenario. The techniques to deal with that were very helpful. Now to just get focused on other things. I do think I can continue not to drink though at times it will be hard, very hard. Drinking is often for me a symptom of trying to quiet the raging thoughts in my brain. If I gain control over that part-- other things will follow (I hope). It's definitely time!

I am your post in many ways ATL-the mind/choice/imagination is all we get to control...
point and shoot :l