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    #1

    Time to try again...

    Well, I'm back after a couple more years of denial, but things are worse than ever now and I HAVE to stop. Or at the very least, get things under control, because I am out of control now and it's getting downright scary. I don't want to bore people with a long, drawn out sob story; suffice it to say that I have been through some very traumatic personal experiences lately, and I'm using that as my excuse to drink. Not every weekend - every night. I am good for 8-10 beers a night, and a case or 2 on the weekends. I have put on 30 pounds, I look and feel terrible, and the depression is getting worse. I just cannot seem to stay away from those cold beers after work every night - even though I sleep like crap, have no social life with friends or family, and usually pass out on my bed before 9PM. Then I do it again the next day. Well, enough is enough. But I know I can't do it alone, so here I am... again.

    I'm just looking for some support from people who understand, and NOT the ridiculous stuff I might hear from others, such as "why don't you just quit?" (Do they really think any of us would NOT do that if it was that simple? LOL)

    I could go on and on, but like I said, don't want to bore everyone to tears. Just don't know where else to turn or what to do next...

    Thanks so much,

    Ben
    When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
    You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
    On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

    You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

    Then You Stand.
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    #2
    Time to try again...

    Ben,
    This is a great place to come because people here really DO understand. Although I am not an AA type of person, I grew up with a father who was active in AA and one of their slogans is what gets me through: One Day at a Time. Just get through this day without drinking. Then get through tomorrow, and so on. Don't look ahead too much, just get through this day.

    People on here also swear by the supplements, but I haven't needed them yet. If they work, go for it. Also be aware of your triggers and try to avoid them. Also, get rid of any alcohol you have in the house.

    I'll also leave you with another slogan from my father's AA days: "Nothing is so bad a drink won't make it worse." In other words, if you have a bad day, a big problem, or a glaring issue, drinking just complicates it; it never makes it better.

    Good luck, people are here for you.
    Good habits breed good habits; bad habits breed bad habits.

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      #3
      Time to try again...

      Well, I made it a whole night AF! I know most people wouldn't see that as any big deal, but I know people here understand. I haven't gone a night without alcohol for a long, long time. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right?
      When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
      You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
      On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

      You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

      Then You Stand.

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        #4
        Time to try again...

        Good for you for getting through day 1!

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          #5
          Time to try again...

          I think that first day is the hardest, so congratulations and now just get through today.
          Good habits breed good habits; bad habits breed bad habits.

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            #6
            Time to try again...

            Ben - I'm with you -- just committed to sobriety after what feels like a gazillion attempts to moderate. No more for me either............I'm tired of the roller coaster. Best of luck!

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              #7
              Time to try again...

              How are you doing today Ben?
              Good habits breed good habits; bad habits breed bad habits.

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                #8
                Time to try again...

                I am feeling very well, and thank you for asking! 2 days now AF. I am ashamed to admit that I had actually forgotten what it feels like to wake up refreshed, rested and clear headed. Dragging myself out of bed and feeling like crap all day had become the norm. This really does feel wonderful! I am still struggling with thoughts of moderation, quitting entirely, do I really have to go the rest of my life without a single beer, etc. Just not sure exactly where I am headed. But this is certainly a step in the right direction and I feel great.
                When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
                You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
                On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

                You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

                Then You Stand.

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                  #9
                  Time to try again...

                  Bean, this was my thinking for a very long time. Guess that's why AA stresses ODAT - one day at a time. But, for me, I'm finally embracing a life long mantra - I'm done! We all do it in our own time, I know. I think once we head down the path, though, that we probably end up feeling that AF is the way to go. The desire to feel good the next day has finally trumped my desire for a buzz.

                  Best of luck!

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                    #10
                    Time to try again...

                    beano ... well done on getting to day 2. its so true that you have to take that first step to start a journey. thinking too far ahead can be daunting. why not take small steps. a day is a great start, a week would be fantastic..... then with a clear head you could try for a month. imagine a whole month of feeling how you feel today "refreshed rested and clear headed". go for it.
                    Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
                    Keep passing the open windows

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                      #11
                      Time to try again...

                      I concur with unwasted and spuddleduck. Don't even think about moderation for now. You can figure that out later. Just get through today. Whenever I picture myself drinking wine, I now picture a wine glass full of worms and dirt. It's a great visualization trick for me to say "yuck!"

                      Yes, the waking up is the best part of being sober! That and the fact that I've actually washed my face and brushed my teeth before having a nice, restful sleep for several nights now! It's those little things that remind me of how other people, without drinking problems, live.

                      There is a toolbox on here somewhere, I'm still too new to know exactly where. Anyone else? I do know you should have a plan for how to stay sober and drink lots of water. Someone else has posted the acronym HALT to think about when you have cravings: are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? If so do something about that condition that doesn't involve drinking.

                      Ok, so today is day three. Just get through today.
                      Good habits breed good habits; bad habits breed bad habits.

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                        #12
                        Time to try again...

                        Here is a link to the Toolbox:

                        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

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                          #13
                          Time to try again...

                          Thanks Unwasted. How do you do that? I know how to copy and paste a link but I don't know how to make the words show up as a link. I've only been on the internet since 1991.

                          Oh, and Ben, I think the "T" in "HALT" might also refer to thirsty. I guess it could be either thirsty or tired! They both work!
                          Good habits breed good habits; bad habits breed bad habits.

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                            #14
                            Time to try again...

                            Great advice guys, thanks! Having this support is VERY helpful and I appreciate all of you.

                            Day 3 and feeling wonderful! We even went out to a nice restaurant tonight, and were seated right next to the bar. I must have seen 20 beers being carried by. Didn't even phase me tonight, because my resolve is very solid... at least so far. But tonight was a good test and I passed it easily. The truth is, at this point at least, cold beer sounds awful. I have had no cravings whatsoever. Let's hope it holds!!
                            When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
                            You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
                            On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

                            You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

                            Then You Stand.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Time to try again...

                              I also was doing the same, putting away 8-16 beers until passing out then finishing off the 18 pack I bought after I woke up. Weight gain has been 30 lbs too and I look and feel terrible. Had my last straw on Monday morning when I was too sick and hung over to go to work. I muscles up some strength to call my primary care doc and saw him yesterday morning. I am on Librium for withdrawal and going to an addiction specialist on Friday. I three days AF. I know it's an uphill struggle. Alcohol is never going to make you better. Never never never. Like my doc said....it's like battery acid....a poison. You'd never drink battery acid right? We can change. Reach out for help. I did and surprise! I got some. Hang in there.

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