Time to try again...

[FlyAway]

Time to try again...

You need to make it about you during the first week or two especially! Whatever you need. Just get through this, then you can offer all of the support in the world. Positive vibes will be traveling along with you on your trip.

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Hey Ben, You're probably on your long trip, but just wanted to check in and say that's great about going to Applebee's and not giving in. I haven't dared to go out to dinner since going AF. I need to wait a bit longer before tempting myself with that.

I know it is sometimes hard to feel like the focus is all on you. As I said somewhere on another thread, my father was big in AA and he always said the best way to stay sober was to help others stay sober, so you are my "project!" , like it or not! I sort of feel that if I can help you stay sober, maybe I'll stay sober!

Now stay out of that bar at the airport!

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Airport

Wow, funny you should mention the bar at the airport - I HAVE to tell you this story!

Okay, I took a shuttle to the airport this morning, and it got in early - about 11:00 AM. My flight wasn't until 1:50. I had nearly 3 hours, all by myself, with nothing to do. I went straight to my boarding gate, and what was literally 10 feet from it?? A Sports Bar!! It wasn't at all crowded, I could see them pulling tall, frosty Coors Lights from the tap, and it would have be so easy (and commonplace, up until now) for me to walk in there, sit at the bar, and drink several, (maybe 7 or 8), tall draft beers in 3 hours. I will admit right now, I was SO tempted. Excruciatingly tempted. The "justification" starting happening in my mind: 'I have been so good, I haven't had a drink in 6 days, I just finished a 600 mile drive, I can just sleep it off on the plane and start again tomorrow; I never said I was going to quit, I am just cutting back, and I have cut back a lot already...' and so on. I literally paced back and forth outside this bar, watching them deliver cold beers to several tables. After tormenting myself for maybe 30 minutes, I could stand it no longer...

So I left. I went down the hall to a little airport Pizza Hut, got a personal pan pizza and a Coke Zero. I took my time eating and relaxing there, then walked back to my gate, not even slowing down as I passed the sports bar. I sat at the gate reading a book for about an hour, still fully aware that this bar was within my reach, and nobody could see me. But
I held fast, read my book, and got on the plane and came home.

When I got home, my wife and daughter asked if we could go out to Red Robin for dinner.
Here we go again! So we're sitting at a booth at Red Robin, and the beers are everywhere, including a big picture of one on the menu in front of me. I quickly ordered a chicken salad
and a diet coke, enjoyed it, and we came home.

And here I am... 7 days COLD SOBER and quite proud of myself.

(Are you sufficiently bored yet??) LOL

I am still conflicted on the whole moderation vs. quitting completely issue, but damn proud of myself for what I accomplished today, and this past week.

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Good for you! I'm proud of you - . You have had so many more tempations than I have had and you've really done a great job getting through them. I have purposely not put myself in temptation's way because I don't trust myself.
As for moderation, remember to try to give yourself 30 days AF. It takes 3-4 weeks to establish new habits and about a month to fully detox your body. (I think, no medical expert here by any means, but I know most rehab centers go by a 28-30 day model).

Ok, so let's get through today, ok?

[rubywillow]

Time to try again...

Bean, first, GREAT JOB!!! Many would have caved then.
As far as Modding, here's just what I've noticed. Some people CAN go back and drink occasionally (not regularly during the week). But for others, the first time after being AF is easy. Then, gradually, it builds back up to wanting more and more, till we're right back where they started. SOooo, if you do try, after a good AF period, watch what's happening, what your cravings are telling you. Our bodies and brains know what we can tolerate. Wishing you the best.

[BeanoC]

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I have really been getting a lot done both at work and at home lately. It's amazing how efficient and energetic you can be when you're neither drunk nor hungover! :thumbs:

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

BeanoC;1163988 wrote: I have really been getting a lot done both at work and at home lately. It's amazing how efficient and energetic you can be when you're neither drunk nor hungover! :thumbs:

I know! And I actually remember what people told me last week! i don't feel as if I am in a constant fog. Seems as if I was always either thinking about drinking, drinking, or recovering from drinking. Sheesh, what a waste.

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Wow, when the cravings kick in... holy sh*t!

Two days ago, I'm alone in the airport and at a sports bar, and nothing.
Then at a restaurant with cold beers everywhere... nothing.

Now today, I am home after a long, hot day of working outside,
and I suddenly have an absolutely overwhelming urge to pour a
tall frosty beer into a mug and enjoy it thoroughly. I swear the desire
and craving has never been this strong. It is, at this moment in time,
way harder than I thought it would be. I am very close to cracking.
It's like I absolutely cannot concentrate on anything else. I am a very
strong-willed person, but this is HARD. I am stil resisting as I write this.
I just ate 3 grams of L-Glut. Wish me luck.

(How do you get past these powerful urges??? Yikes...)

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Ben, Look at your own quotation. That's what you do. I had some strong cravings today too, for my preference: Pinot Grigio. But I took some L-glut, too, reminded myself that last time i went two weeks I thought I could have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner and was ok with that. Then the next night I had more wine, then a day or two later I had two more glasses with dinner, and then the next night i was back on a binge and from then on it was a slow slide to hell.

Then, actually, I thought of you and told my husband I wanted to go to our neighborhood bar for dinner. I drank water because I thought, "If Ben can go places with alcohol all around and not drink, I can too." I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

Remember, just get through today. just today. I know it's about three hours earlier where you are, but distract yourself. Picture that beer as blood, urine, whatever.

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Thanks for that support; and you're right - I need to look at my quote and remember why I was inspired to use it! (I fought off the cravings tonight, by the way...)

It was just weird - like a sneak attack! My resolve has been strong since I started this, and tonight it just got overwhelming - well, almost overwhelming! But I drank water, then we ate dinner, and I'm fine now. No desire at all. (Food always takes away any desire to drink; for me anyway). So, I remain AF after 9 days, and feel even stronger knowing I CAN handle a craving that huge. tonstantweader, (sorry, I don't know you're name) I assume you're on the east coast? It is only 8:30 PM here but as far as I'm concerned, this day is over, as it pertains to drinking; even as bad as I was, I never drank after dinner. I would usually just pass out on the bed! But tonight, I will watch a little TV, then get in bed and read, and go to sleep... sober.

Thanks again for all the support and positive thoughts. Couldn't do it without you!

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Whew, I'm so relieved. And so happy you found a way around the cravings. Yes, i am on the East Coast, so I knew you had the worst part of the evening to get through. In the past when I had such strong cravings, I knew that eventually I would give in to them, so I felt defeated from the start. But after getting the help and advice from here, I finally feel after 15 AF days that I can start saying "I don't drink." BTW, your family must be very glad. We always think our drinking doesn't really affect them, but of course it does.

Oh, and you can call me TW or Tons, which is what people on other threads use. I'm channeling an old boozer, but sort of a hero to me for other things, who could never give up the booze. If you google my name, it will come right up.

All right, I'm off to work soon. So today, together, we won't drink, ok? I'll check in later.

[Unwasted]

Time to try again...

Ben, weird - thought I had already made a long post here congratulating you on riding out your craving; came back and it was gone??? Must not have uploaded. Anyway, great job..........we'll never regret "not drinking" the next morning. Way to go. And Tonstant, you are a great support person.......thanks to you!

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Sorry, I didn't pick up on the Dorothy Parker reference. My bad!

And so begins day 10 AF; last night was my first real test. Not all that bad in hindsight - just a couple of hours of very potent cravings to overcome. And I did! And I've never felt better, physically or mentally. Every morning when I wake up feeling rested and refreshed, I am immediately reminded of why I chose not to drink the night before! But, I also realized the reason why I feel so content and positive; at least I think I did...

When I first went "on the wagon", it was not at all my intention to quit drinking. I just wanted to slow down considerably, dry out for a while, etc. So, I really had no problem saying 'no' for a while, because in my mind, it was just a matter of time until I allowed myself to drink again. Maybe a couple of weeks, or a month; whatever. All I knew was I was going to enjoy a night of drinking again before too long. But now, my thoughts have changed towards staying sober permanently, and to stop kidding myself with thoughts of moderation. I have proven time and again that I can't do that! So now, my anxiety has risen somewhat, facing the idea of never drinking again, ever. Wow, that sounds like a huge deal ! Being perfectly honest, I'm not sure I can or will accomplish that. So I guess it's back to that 'ol mantra - ''One Day At A Time!

[Unwasted]

Time to try again...

Bean, I think you're right on. We're probably better off not thinking in huge chunks of time. I tried drinking moderately more times than I can count. What I finally realized is that even when I got down to just 2-3 drinks, the alcohol still made me feel like shit -- even that amount! It disrupts my sleep without fail, which results in a bad following day. In hindsight I now feel like it's never worth it -- just that little buzz for a short period of time, and a worthless next day.........Best to you....

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Unwasted, I certainly can relate to the things you said ! Even if I do limit myself to 2 or 3 beers, it still makes me feel lousy later. And I NEVER sleep through the night if I've been drinking. I would usually fall asleep around 9PM, feeling absolutely exhausted, then wake up around 1 or 2 AM, and be awake for most of the rest of the night. Miserable... and yet I'd do it again the next night! And the night after that, and...

I hope I have the strength to stay on this path. It feels so wonderful, I don't know why I wouldn't - other than the fact that alcohol is a powerful drug. This weekend will be a test for sure. Oh hell, everything is a test! But this weekend I will be home, it will be in the 90's, we'll be hanging out by the pool, music on, probably BBQ'ing. All that is a perfect invitation to pop open a beer! But I feel strong. I am ready for it. Bring it on...