Time to try again...

[Unwasted]

Time to try again...

Oh hell, everything is a test!

You got that right! Well, cheers to staying strong and on the straight and narrow to a better long-term path! I think we have to give it a good bit of time for it to become "normal." I know that it's a life-long endeavor, but I also know there are lots of people who move away from the obsessive thinking and onto a life where it doesn't cross their mind all that often. I want sober to be my new normal!

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

It's ok about Dorothy. I'm just pleased you've heard of her, since she is fading fast into the recesses of time, it seems. I really should have used her picture as my avatar, but oh well... I am thinking of titling a new thread "What fresh hell is this?"

I have tried to moderate too, and it didn't work for me. I know now that I have to stay off it for good. If I knew that I could have just one glass of wine it would be different but I can't, I just can't. I have a test this Sunday. My husband and I are going to a social event with his old (and I mean old) fraternity bros where there will be lots of booze. I need to keep repeating my old mantra "I don't drink" and now my new mantra "If Beano can do this, so can I" (and I'll include you in that, too, Unwasted!)

I know what you both are saying about waking up feeling like sh*t after even a few beers or wine glasses. I love watching tv or reading at night and remembering what I did the next morning and waking up ready to face the day instead of in dread, self-loathing, and wondering if I can possibly call in sick. And calling sick for me at this time of year is out of the question.

Now, here's something sort of funny. I went out to lunch with my sister today and told her I quit drinking and had stopped for over two weeks. I knew she'd be glad but not this glad: "Wow, that's great, that's really great. Good, Good, have you told the kids? Wow good, that's great. I'll make sure not to bring any wine over when we have dinner and I'll put a sign up on my refrigerator to remind me not to offer you anything when you come to my house. Wow, that's great, good for you, congratulations."

So I guess she's glad.

[Unwasted]

Time to try again...

So, Tonstant, does your sister drink moderately? Had she been trying to tell you that you drank too much? Just curious

Well, sending you good vibes to weather your frat party. Be strong. I leave for vacation on Friday, so not drinking will be a HUGE test for me!

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Unwasted,
She drinks moderately, but she can stop any time she wants and not drink when she wants to. Apparently I am the only one who inherited my father's alcoholic genes, although my other siblings either drink very little or can't drink because of health problems.

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Oh, forgot to say Unwasted, good luck, that would be hard for me, but I guess we all have to face these sorts of situations. I made it through the first few days of our last vacation but then started drinking about half way through and that was it. Every night after that was full of booze. But that was then and this is now and I'm sure if you keep busy and keep reminding yourself of how good it is to wake up every morning feeling refreshed instead of like warmed over vomit, you'll be fine!

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

keep reminding yourself of how good it is to wake up every morning feeling refreshed instead of like warmed over vomit, you'll be fine!

That has to be my number one motivator! It is just wonderful to wake up feeling ready to take on the day, rather than feeling like you have the flu and can't go to work.

Still, I sometimes have a strong desire to drink. Not a craving per se; I don't feel withdrawal symptoms, or a physical need for it. But more of a "boy, a cold beer sure sounds good!" kinda thing. I would love to go home this afternoon, hang out by the pool, turn on the stereo in the patio... and pound down 8 or 10 beers. But, as a businessman, I look at the "cost/benefit analysis". The benefit? 4 or 5 hours of carefree lounging, enjoying a hefty beer buzz. The cost? A restless night with 2 or 3 hours of sleep at best, feeling like death on a cracker in the morning, and a huge step backwards in my effort. The cost greatly outweighs the benefit in this case! If it were in fact a business decision, I wouldn't even consider it. (Not that I AM considering it!) I just wonder how long it is until you stop thinking about it all the time, and sobriety becomes the norm instead of "a daily challenge".

Okay, done rambling for now!

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Ben ( do you prefer that or Beano?), I feel the same way almost every day. The thought of coming home, uncorking a big, cold bottle of Pinot Grigio, sipping - or more like gulping- away, cooking while I drink, it's all still very appealing. But I remind myself that I can't drink like other people. One 1.5 liter bottle won't be enough, but since my tolerance is so high I can still drive a mile to the local liquor store (and where i live, I may, may, pass two other cars on the way so it's relatively safe although still stupid) and buy another bottle. then I drink a few glasses out of that, semi-pass out and wake up the next morning full of remorse, self-loathing, fear that I will never be able to give it up, and general disgust. So it ain't worth it. Besides, think how disappointed my sister would be!

I did quit (I post on so many threads I can't remember what I say all the time, so sorry if I am repeating myself here), several years ago for well over a year, and I can tell you that you do eventually stop thinking about it all the time. When I get sick of the thoughts, I push them out, look around and think "what a great day this is and I feel so, so good."

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Most of my friends call me Beano (yes, I know it's also a gas remedy LOL) so I prefer that on a personal basis.

I understand your thought process about drinking a whole bottle, going to the store, etc. I have 4 refrigerators in my house and office. I have always made sure I had at least one 12 pack (or 18 pack) in each fridge, so I would never run out before I could safely go to the store again. And I know you're supposed to get rid of all alcohol in the house when quitting, but I still have 2 or 3 cases scattered around. Not smart, I know, I just haven't brought myself to throw them out. And truthfully, if the temptation ever really overwhelmed me, I'd just go to the store and buy more anyway. (I live in a small town. I can go to the store and back in 5 minutes.)

One difference between your situation and mine is that you have the support of your sister to help motivate you. In my house, not a word has been said. It's the proverbial elephant in the room. I guess it's because I have made several half-ass attempts before, lasting a week or maybe 2 at the most - so my wife doesn't see this as anything special. And I admit, I am probably afraid to announce "I have quit drinking", for fear of disappointing everyone, including myself. I still have not come close to wrapping my head around the idea of never, ever drinking again. But I've only been AF for 11 days now so I have to give it time before I can feel certain, and comfortable, saying that I have quit forever.

Rambling again. Sorry.

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Rambling's fine, I ramble all the time. It took me over two weeks to tell my sister because I wanted to be somewhat sure this would take. My husband still doesn't really believe or accept I had a problem, but that's partly because we roam around in a big house and I don't think he realized just how much I drank. I don't think he understands the craving either or the need to drink. There is no one in his family, and I mean no one, I have ever heard of who had an alcohol problem so he isn't really very knowledgeable about how to recognize an alcoholic.

But I totally get the not wanting to announce it. If you fail, it just makes the failure that much more embarrassing and seems to heighten the feeling of failure.

I'm older than you are (I peeked at your profile) so I get not accepting never drinking again, but I wish now that I had stayed sober when I quit in April, 2006. My life was so much better then. I weighed at least 50 pounds less, I was running 5 miles every day, I had a wardrobe full of great clothes, I felt strong, healthy, and was performing really well at my job and I let it all go to hell when I started drinking again about a year and a half later -- all because I thought I could handle a few glasses of wine every now and then.

Ok, now who's rambling??

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Please, ramble away! It helps, seriously. As I said, this isn't something that's talked about in my house, so this forum is my only outlet for dealing with it and discussing it. And it helps to talk to people who truly understand, and I know you do.

Meanwhile, I have been sleeping wonderfully every night, working out almost every day after work, feeling great, and I've already lost 3 pounds. Why would I ever want to go back to where I was a mere 11 days ago? Keep reminding yourself of that, Beano! LOL

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

Yeah, and keep reminding me too! I've been getting to the gym more too, and even just walking if i can't manage that. I am much more clear-headed at work and my old productivity is coming back. I handed two major crises this week while nary batting an eyelash!

It also feels good to know that I can plan activities without planning out my drinking ahead of time so I wasn't hungover or refusing them because I'd rather drink and be hungover.

I think it's only when we are sober that we realize how much drinking controlled us.

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

I think it's only when we are sober that we realize how much drinking controlled us.

You're right about that. Denial is a powerful thing! I had an excuse for every situation, as to why is was perfectly okay for me to drink. I was never a "bad drunk" - I never drove, never had a DUI, nor was I a mean drunk who yelled at his wife and kids. I was always a happy, silly, content person. But drunk nonetheless.

A friend of mine wants to chat on Skype tonight, as we do quite often. We usually sit and chat for 2 or 3 hours, and we always put away 8 or 10 beers apiece while we do. It will be interesting to see tonight how he reacts to me drinking water! I guess it's just a slow process, getting use to a "new you", and having your friends and family slowly accept the change as well. But this will be another test for sure. Especially with my best friend staring at me from my computer screen with a cold beer in his hand!

[tonstantweader]

Time to try again...

I re-read my most recent post and am amazed if you could follow some of it. The typos are awful; I blame it on morning fog.

I was a happy drunk too. I have been "practicing" at quitting since mid-May and the last time before this current attempt, I gave up and told my husband "Damn, I just like drinking wine." That was the start of an 8 day binge.

Funny thing, though, I never think of those as binges when I am on them. I drank at night, got up the next morning, went to work, pretended to be productive, came home, and started the cycle all over again. But it's not like I drank all day and all night, which is how I perceived binges. Now I see that putting away huge amounts of wine every night _is_ a binge, no matter if I can get through the day.

I am sure you will be fine Skyping with your friend. You seem really strong and committed to this, and I guess we all have to face situations like this that are a normal part of our life but that have to change to a new normal. I really had some cravings tonight, partly because it's Friday and partly because I had a rough day at work and usually I talk it over with my husband over drinks and dinner out somewhere. I've been cooking a lot at home though because i want to stay out of restaurants, which are a big trigger for me.

Ok, talk about rambling!

[BeanoC]

Time to try again...

Really feeling a lot of weakness today...

I didn't chat with my friend last night; we put it off until tonight. It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and, simply put, I just really want a cold beer. If I do that, I know damn well I'll drink nearly a 12 pack. Then, I'll probably fall asleep for a couple of hours, then chat with my friend over another 6 pack. I do NOT want to do that, but resisting that first beer is real tough right now. As I said, it wasn't my initial intention to quit drinking, but when I started this, I promised myself I'd go "a few weeks, maybe a month." It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet!

Damn this is hard.

I feel SO good, and the last 13 days have been fantastic. So why, oh why is the temptation so great?? I am trying to be strong but it seems to be getting harder every day instead of easier.

Wish me luck...

[RingingCedars]

Time to try again...

Do you have beer in your house right now?