Why is it that...
Hi Hope.....I have been drinking for 20 years...non stop for 18 after my daughter was born and breastfed (for as little time as I could)...what made me make the decision to stop???
I've made the 'decision' hundreds of times throughout my life...all the times my daughter brought friends in to find empty bottles and vomit on the floor...all the times I have verbally and physically abused most people I know.....all the times when I have looked at my face in the mirror a.m., and seen a swollen, blotchy, broken veined, greasy haired hag staring at me....all the times I have screamed at my daughter and scared her absolutely witless as she was growing up, over nothing, after I had passed through the 'nice drunk mom' stage...every time she has waited for me to do something I have promised but has cried, and gone and done something else quietly as I have absolutely no recollection of anything, and she is too used to the scenario to even bother trying to explain....all the times I staggered around the floor in local pubs and nightclubs falling over, being sick in front of people, stealing others drinks from under their noses as I'd spent all my money, but still needed to drink, and then getting thrown out...........the list goes on and on and on.............None of these things, or the million others besides, ever made me change for more than a couple of days.....
Now, I am on day 13 of AF.....I've had ups and downs...it isn't easy, but my partner drinks, and there is always booze in the house, xmas is coming, and my mother in law is staying for 6 months (VERY hard for me to cope with as she is COMPLETELY dependent on us) and I have more resolve than ever...I can't explain it, but Kate is right...you have to hate this...and all the other things that happen because of it......to make a decision that you absolutely know is the right one...it took me a long time, but I truly believe I am 'there' now...In a place that my mind has been tethered to .....I really have told myself once and for all that I WILL NOT drink...it is not an option...I won't just 'have a few today because it's a celebration/crappy time/party' and then start again tomorrow.....I WILL NOT DRINK
This site is the biz.....when I've had my harder days...all I want to do is plug in here to see me through...I re-read posts that I have enjoyed or found particularly inspiring...I take my meds and my supps...I have even started doing some of the 'normal things' you were talking about..taking my dog for regular walks...digging my garden...I am even going to meet some women from work for coffee today...I don't normally bother as I feel sick and hungover...I used to think a 'normal' life was a boring life...What exactly do these 'perfect people' do if they don't drink? How do they pass an evening, if they're not drunk?
I am now starting to find out...and it's much nicer than I thought.
You're looking for that place Hope... and this is a great place to get the map...people WILL support you, and although when I first started, the idea of a cyber support system seemed very unreal and tenuous...for some reason...it works.....I can only reiterate all the wonderful posts that I've already read here (kinda hard to add something new when you've already been offered such helpful advice) and wish you much luck with a side helping of love and hugs..........Melon
Hi Hope.....I have been drinking for 20 years...non stop for 18 after my daughter was born and breastfed (for as little time as I could)...what made me make the decision to stop???
I've made the 'decision' hundreds of times throughout my life...all the times my daughter brought friends in to find empty bottles and vomit on the floor...all the times I have verbally and physically abused most people I know.....all the times when I have looked at my face in the mirror a.m., and seen a swollen, blotchy, broken veined, greasy haired hag staring at me....all the times I have screamed at my daughter and scared her absolutely witless as she was growing up, over nothing, after I had passed through the 'nice drunk mom' stage...every time she has waited for me to do something I have promised but has cried, and gone and done something else quietly as I have absolutely no recollection of anything, and she is too used to the scenario to even bother trying to explain....all the times I staggered around the floor in local pubs and nightclubs falling over, being sick in front of people, stealing others drinks from under their noses as I'd spent all my money, but still needed to drink, and then getting thrown out...........the list goes on and on and on.............None of these things, or the million others besides, ever made me change for more than a couple of days.....
Now, I am on day 13 of AF.....I've had ups and downs...it isn't easy, but my partner drinks, and there is always booze in the house, xmas is coming, and my mother in law is staying for 6 months (VERY hard for me to cope with as she is COMPLETELY dependent on us) and I have more resolve than ever...I can't explain it, but Kate is right...you have to hate this...and all the other things that happen because of it......to make a decision that you absolutely know is the right one...it took me a long time, but I truly believe I am 'there' now...In a place that my mind has been tethered to .....I really have told myself once and for all that I WILL NOT drink...it is not an option...I won't just 'have a few today because it's a celebration/crappy time/party' and then start again tomorrow.....I WILL NOT DRINK
This site is the biz.....when I've had my harder days...all I want to do is plug in here to see me through...I re-read posts that I have enjoyed or found particularly inspiring...I take my meds and my supps...I have even started doing some of the 'normal things' you were talking about..taking my dog for regular walks...digging my garden...I am even going to meet some women from work for coffee today...I don't normally bother as I feel sick and hungover...I used to think a 'normal' life was a boring life...What exactly do these 'perfect people' do if they don't drink? How do they pass an evening, if they're not drunk?
I am now starting to find out...and it's much nicer than I thought.
You're looking for that place Hope... and this is a great place to get the map...people WILL support you, and although when I first started, the idea of a cyber support system seemed very unreal and tenuous...for some reason...it works.....I can only reiterate all the wonderful posts that I've already read here (kinda hard to add something new when you've already been offered such helpful advice) and wish you much luck with a side helping of love and hugs..........Melon
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