A recount of my life so far

[MissHazel]

I am sober today and have been for awhile. I am starting to deal with all sorts of things I never dealt with in the past due to alcohol abuse. I used to drink 12 beers a days and could function (on most days) the next day..what an accomplishment!!

I am now 51 yrs old and my beloved son is grown and happy (I think) and on his own. I have a good husband (he has been downgraded from wonderful to good based on sobriety) and I am trying to figure out what to do with the next part of my life.

I am finding this sober time so incredibly scary. Some nights I want to drink so badly I cry! I don't know what to do with myself! I know there are so many things to do and I am not in a situation where I can't do them...I just feel like some days, the only thing I can do is remain sober..

Poor little me. I know there are so many people out there with real problems..and I don't really have any, except I WANT TO DRINK.

Thanks for listening..

MissH

[allswell]

A recount of my life so far

Miss H,

I can only speak from my own experience of alcohol being a dominant part of my life for way too long. People have used the comparison of quitting to getting a divorce or ending a lengthy relationship that gets progressively worse and I agree with the comparison. The pull of alcohol has decreased and I expect over time it will lessen more but the pull is still there and I have to deal with it. Good luck!

[rubywillow]

A recount of my life so far

Miss H, so is life. I have so many who covet my life, but if they knew how hard it is, they would not. You are a good woman, who has led a good life. Don't let let regrets, or what-ifs become a part of it. I DO understand.

[MissHazel]

A recount of my life so far

Thanks to you Ruby

Sometimes I just need to know that the things I am feeling are truly understood by others. I read your posts all of the time and they give me hope. There are people that do this..hopefully I will be one of them.

MissH

[Unwasted]

A recount of my life so far

Hazel, I haven't been sober as long as you, but I think I'm experiencing a lot of the same feelings. I should be very thankful for all that I have, but I still feel rudderless much of the time -- like I'm kind of listless -- not depressed, just kind of blah. When I was young, I got my kicks from the thrill of new relationships (men) and partying. Now, I feel like I'm flatlining.......I'm thrilled to physically feel good without the alcohol in my system. I sleep vastly better, and wake up feeling fantastic. I exercise, eat great, healthy food but.............nothing thrilling going on these days. I'm trying to shift my thinking into appreciating nature, peacefulness, tranquility. Most of the time that satisfies, but sometimes I feel scared, like what you're describing. It's like.............what the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life? I don't really have any hobbies and don't live close enough to a big city to do things like volunteer work or go to "events."

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.........

[MissHazel]

A recount of my life so far

Thanks Unwasted

I wish we could figure out something to feel passionate about that would replace alcohol. I used to feel passionate and spunky about so many things but that feeling seems to have gone away. I am not ready to throw in the towel but am looking for answers that don't involve drinking..
MissH

[Doggygirl]

A recount of my life so far

MissHazel;1164649 wrote: I wish we could figure out something to feel passionate about that would replace alcohol. I used to feel passionate and spunky about so many things but that feeling seems to have gone away. I am not ready to throw in the towel but am looking for answers that don't involve drinking..
MissH

WE CAN!!!!!!

I completely relate to that rudderless feeling. That is a good way to put it Unwasted. I filled every spare minute I could with drinking, and for so many years really structured my life with activities that involved drinking (when I wasn't just holed up in the house by myself drinking). It's HARD to stop drinking and figure out what TO do!!!

All I can suggest is to start just MAKING yourself get out there and try things. I found volunteer work to be very gratifying and return some meaning and purpose to my life. I have also embraced exercise and a much healthier diet (and gardening :egad as part of a better and healthier lifestyle. I am 53 and starting classes next week to purse a "twilight" career in addiction counseling.

There really is a GREAT big world out there with so much to offer. The hardest part is getting started. Pick something to start with and push yourself out the door. If you try something and it's not your thing, try something else. I don't think you will regret it.

I am in a different spot today and doing different things than I was a year ago, which was different than two years ago, which was WAY different than 3 years ago when I was where you are right now. If my life can change in all these positive ways, then I know yours can too.

Drinking was always the "easy way out" for me. Getting outside of myself and figuring out what brings meaning and purpose to my life is a lot more work. But it's about a million trillion zillion times more rewarding than one more hangover, that's for sure.

Go get 'em!!

DG

[Unwasted]

A recount of my life so far

DG - you will be an absolutely fantastic counselor, I am sure. How very cool.......I'm thrilled for you. I read every post of yours I can find because what you have to say has such a positive impact on me. I hope you'll let us know how it's going.

I believe what you're saying, and I know I'll figure something out. The trick will just be not to cave into my old ways and use alcohol to fill the void!

Thanks again for your sage advice!

Hazel, have you toyed with any ideas yet? Would like to know if you come up with anything......I'll be following your posts.

[autumn]

A recount of my life so far

Miss H & Unwasted,

I so get the rudderless thing! I felt as if I was waiting for the bolt of lightning to tell me what to do next as I felt so empty and flat! So I decided to step out of my comfort zone and throw myself into something.

I had an email following an enquiry into a local W.I group about a new group forming. I went along out of curiosity and found myself 'in for a penny in for a pound' volunteering to be the groups president!!!! It has given me focus & my respect back. My self-esteem has shot through the roof as I have to public speak in the meetings & I am proud to be known as normal / sober and no one knows I was a rotten old drunk and in recovery!

I have made new friends and I have a focus that does not involve alcohol. Who'd of thought, If you had told me 3 years ago, in my drunken state, I would of been running a W.I group, I would of howled with laughter!! Maybe life does begin at 40!!!

Can you find a group to join? If not, could you set one up with your neighbours? Even coffee mornings, meeting new sober people is really helping to shed the label of being known as an alkie.

DG, you will be an awsome counsellor

[mario]

A recount of my life so far

Yep dg your posts here are priceless and have helped me in so many ways thanks :-).

Miss Hazel & unwasted Because recovery is a lifestyle change, alcoholics/problem drinkers need to learn new skills and coping mechanisms to keep control over their alcoholism, rather than alcoholism controlling them. Learn new hobbies or better still go back to long discarded ones,discarded more likely has you had not got time for them as you were to busy drinking.As autumn has said there are many groups near you who are looking for volunteers,check them out and you will find something that fits into your new life.

[Unwasted]

A recount of my life so far

Autumn and Mario,

Thanks for coming here and posting. You guys are wonderful.

Autumn, I don't know what W.I. is - will see if you come back to post. My dilemma is that I'm not close to a big city -- but, I'm going to figure something out.

You guys are the best.

Hazel, have you thought of any volunteer work?

[autumn]

A recount of my life so far

Hi Unwasted,

The W.I is the Women's Institute. It's a world wide organisation for women of all ages. It's one huge social group where you pass on skills from cooking, knitting, learning a craft, anything really. It's just a huge social circle. it used to associated with older ladies, but not any more, they are making it appealing to all ages.

Why not google it to see if you have one in your area? Have you tried your local library for groups? It has helped me no end to rejoin the real world and take the focus away from living my old life around drinking and drinkers.

Hope this helps :l