everyone knows, i just want to disappear

[Abielle]

:upset:

I walked into work today, basically to be greeted with,"So, the store manager checks mugshots online all the time to look for shoplifters and criminals that he might see in the store, and also to check for employees." Followed by, "And your picture was on there."

Yes, I had a DWI in MAY. I have lost my drivers license for 15 months, I don't have a car anymore, I have spent all of my savings that I had planned to put as a down payment on a house with my partner. I have almost lost my partner entirely due to the stresses of all this. I have spent 24 hours in jail. I feel guilt and shame, and sick to my stomach self hate often. At this moment, I just want to curl up and die. It isn't any of their business...but, it's out there now. For the world to see. (Only it didn't say what the charge was, so they get to fill in the blank with whatever criminal activity they can imagine me doing.)
I was working so hard to put this behind me, and it just blew up in my face again.

I didn't know what to say, it caught me so off guard. I just went on with my day. Tried to hold my head up. I didn't give anyone an explanation.

I refuse to look at the photo on the website myself. It isn't going to do anything but upset me.

But now I am home, I can't stop crying. :bang Aughaughghgughguhghugh!

[leaveinsilence]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

oh honey im so sorry you are having to go through this it must be terrible having everyone speculating and talking behind your back and trying to dig the dirt on you.

hard to say i know but try to stay strong and rise above it and dont use it as a reason to slip backwards

I have to question the actions of your boss though, that is totally unacceptable for him to tell your co workers what he had discovered online, yes they are public information but to share his findings with others is wrong

thinking of you x

[starfairy]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Abielle...i am so sorry. i just hate that you are in that situation. it just makes you want to hang you head and be left alone. I tend to make a big ass of myself when i drink and then i avoid people at all cost after that till i feel it has blown over...... over half of those people that are talking about you have done things they are not proud of as well but it makes them feel better to put the focus on someone else's problems. should you just be up front and tell them what happened so they won't make up worse stories? are you still drinking now? i just say screw them and focus on what is going to make you feel better. don't let them get the best of you or their pettiness will have won. i hope you the best and IMO, cry all you want, it does the soul good.

[Abielle]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

No, I am not drinking now. Today is day 29 AF. Not feeling any particular urge to drink. Feeling sick to my stomach right now at the very thought of AL.

I don't know that the store manager told anyone per se, but he has someone else he has enlisted as his "right hand" when it comes to helping him identify shoplifters, etc...and this person told another coworker who told me. He may have told others. I wouldn't doubt it. He does show the store manager what he finds. I guess he was just walking around the store with his i Phone yesterday, and he pulled my pic up for my coworker to see.

I wish there was a way to get my pic taken down. I had no idea they put them online like that. I assume if I had just done the community service as a part of my sentence, I wouldn't be in this predicament. But, it was 250 dollars to do 24 hours community service, or 40 dollars to serve out 24 hours in jail. That is when they took the pic. I didn't really have much choice since I am very close to being on food stamps, and saving 210 dollars meant a lot to me. I figured I would just do the time, and get it over with. I would have gotten a second job, or borrowed money from my mom had I known they would broadcast the photo all over the internet.

I'm just sort of numb over this now. I vacillate. Crying/numb/crying/numb.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tonstantweader]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Hold your head up high. You made a mistake and then you did something to correct it and have stayed AF for 29 days. You have nothing, _nothing_ to be ashamed about. The only reason to feel ashamed would be if you were still drinking, and you're not. If anyone asks tell them you did something stupid, but you are taking active steps to make sure it never happens again. Then tell them to buzz off.

[Doggygirl]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Abielle, I'm sorry you are going through this. The consequences of drinking can really run deep.

What if you were to just sit with your manager privately and tell him the truth? Would that maybe feel like a relief? I only say that because I have felt an increasing sense of freedom from AL as I have selectively "come clean" to the important people in my life.

Only you can know if that is right for you - just sharing my own experience with it in case that helps.

There WILL come a time when this is all behind you if you keep doing the next right thing, and stay sober.

DG

[medic]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Your manager checks a website for potential criminals? Too much time on his hands.

Without using tact or discretion your colleague tells you to your face about it? Too little going on in their own life.

Ab. All I can say is your work colleagues are complete morons. These are actually the kind of people who have no lives and worship celebrity. In the case of the former, the manager WANTS to be a celebrity because he's been, presumably, watching too much CSI and wants to be a cop. In the case of the latter, the work colleague cannot wait to break the latest news to your own face because if somebody else did it first, oh boy how that would make them less important!

FUCK THEM and their TINY BRAINS. Hold your head up high but, if asked don't lie either. You can tell them something without revealing everything. Keep it minimal.

In the meantime I'd suggest trying to find alternative employment because morons are morons and lying with dogs only gets you dirty.

x
m

[HowDryIAm]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Abielle;1165775 wrote: :upset:

I walked into work today, basically to be greeted with,"So, the store manager checks mugshots online all the time to look for shoplifters and criminals that he might see in the store, and also to check for employees." Followed by, "And your picture was on there."

Yes, I had a DWI in MAY. I have lost my drivers license for 15 months, I don't have a car anymore, I have spent all of my savings that I had planned to put as a down payment on a house with my partner. I have almost lost my partner entirely due to the stresses of all this. I have spent 24 hours in jail. I feel guilt and shame, and sick to my stomach self hate often. At this moment, I just want to curl up and die. It isn't any of their business...but, it's out there now. For the world to see. (Only it didn't say what the charge was, so they get to fill in the blank with whatever criminal activity they can imagine me doing.)
I was working so hard to put this behind me, and it just blew up in my face again.

I didn't know what to say, it caught me so off guard. I just went on with my day. Tried to hold my head up. I didn't give anyone an explanation.

I refuse to look at the photo on the website myself. It isn't going to do anything but upset me.

But now I am home, I can't stop crying. :bang Aughaughghgughguhghugh!

This truly, truly sucks. A person I know got a DUI after a company party and he couldn't hide it from the company really. I can't imagine the embarrassment and FEAR that goes along with it. He muscled through it. I told him, "What you need to do is work like crazy, be the best person they have. Don't give anyone any reason to criticize you along the lines of "See, he screwed that up because he's a drunk." A year later he got promoted to a management position. So these situations aren't hopeless. Just get yourself so busy you have no time to sit around listening to rumors.

[HowDryIAm]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

medic;1166148 wrote: Your manager checks a website for potential criminals? Too much time on his hands.

Without using tact or discretion your colleague tells you to your face about it? Too little going on in their own life.

Ab. All I can say is your work colleagues are complete morons. These are actually the kind of people who have no lives and worship celebrity. In the case of the former, the manager WANTS to be a celebrity because he's been, presumably, watching too much CSI and wants to be a cop. In the case of the latter, the work colleague cannot wait to break the latest news to your own face because if somebody else did it first, oh boy how that would make them less important!

FUCK THEM and their TINY BRAINS. Hold your head up high but, if asked don't lie either. You can tell them something without revealing everything. Keep it minimal.

In the meantime I'd suggest trying to find alternative employment because morons are morons and lying with dogs only gets you dirty.

x
m

I somewhat agree. If you work in a job that is full of silly drama and rumor-spreading, you will never be allowed to live the thing down and the best course of action is to move on.

However, with a DUI on your record you need to be careful. Make 100% sure you have another job before you quit. More and more employers check records. In the past, a misdemeanor (which most DUIs are) would not be much hindrance. Nowadays it is, especially in the white collar world.

[sunshinedaisies]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Abie - I am so sorry to hear your sad story - I really feel for you. your managers actions were so unprofessional. Hang in there - it will pass and at least while they are talking about you, they are giving someone else a rest. Not much of a help I know, but one tiny good thing to come out of it. I have e-mailed you.:l

Love and hugs, Sun XX

[RingingCedars]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

sunshinedaisies;1166314 wrote: Abie - I am so sorry to hear your sad story - I really feel for you. your managers actions were so unprofessional. Hang in there - it will pass and at least while they are talking about you, they are giving someone else a rest. Not much of a help I know, but one tiny good thing to come out of it. I have e-mailed you.:l

Love and hugs, Sun XX

Bang on my dears. Today's news is tomorrow's history.

[Barbara1234]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

I know this is petty, but I'd like to see the boss's right hand man get canned for spreading that info. Does the boss know he is telling people? Maybe the boss doesn't know.

Wouldn't that just shut everyone up?? Idiots!

[Running4life]

everyone knows, i just want to disappear

Hi:
Your manager is very unprofessional indeed. Everyone makes mistakes and it sounds like you learned from this one. I think that I would look for another job if that is possible. I would not want to work for someone like that. They should be offering you assistance with councelling.