Do we have a choice?

[Accountable for Me]

Do we have a choice?

startingover;1168153 wrote: I cant speak for anyone else, but I know I have a choice.
Right now, I have no job, no marriage and a very uncertain future. I REALLY feel like getting trashed. But I wont.....no I wont.....

Oh, starty! I had no idea you are going through so much! This last year has been quite something else for you. (understatement)

At least you have your sobriety and your health. That is the platform for rebuilding your life!!

You won't drink! I know you won't. No matter what is going on in life, alcohol is not the answer, as you already know. xoxoxoxo

[Doggygirl]

Do we have a choice?

Starty, I am so glad you have your sobriety while facing what is obviously a very difficult time in your life!!!! If there is anything we can do to help you - please say the word, OK?

G-Man - I think this is a great thread.

If there is one thing I have come to appreciate over time, and with the help of this forum and AA, it's just how powerful addiction really is. Each and every person who finds their way out is to be applauded - whatever path they take.

My own opinion about my own addiction is this. Today, there is one drink I DO have power over and that's the first one. I can chose to drink that one or not. If I chose to drink it, my power will most likely be gone and I will be back in that drunken chaotic mess before you know it. So today, my choice is to drink water.

If there is one thing I see a LOT of around MWO (and AA) that IMO, gets in people's way, it's a lack of complete willingness to go to any length to get sober. I see a lot of qualifiers.....

..."but I don't want to discuss this with my husband..."
..."but I could never go to AA and risk seeing someone I know from work...."
..."but I could never ask for time off work to go to rehab...."
..."but I am scared to take any medications...."
..."I can't possibly miss this __________ social event....."

My personal experience was that as long as I stayed in that mode - where there were some things I was just NOT willing to do...sobriety didn't happen for me. In my case, all of my "qualifiers" were driven by fear and pride. I didn't want anyone to find out. I didn't want to do any hard work. I didn't want to REALLY give up the notion of someday drinking in moderation. Fear and false pride, all of it. I found it impossible to make the choice each day to not take the first drink until I let go of all that.

There are more tools and knowlege and resources out there today than ever before to help us in this fight. Are you willing to use them? Are you willing to overcome fear and pride to get sober? Are you willing to go to any length in order to regain the power of choice? If one path doesn't work are you willing to try another one, and another one?

So much research today seems to indicate that there are genetic connections not only to our liklihood of addiction, but to what treatment protocols will work / not work. Maybe there will come a day where we can get a simple test, and the way out will be easily revealed. Until then, we just have to keep trying.

OK - that was longer than I inteneded by I guess my opinions are often long.

DG

[dancelot]

Do we have a choice?

I only have control over whether I take the first drink, so today I choose not to drink - no matter what.

Everything Doggygirl said.

I had to "just do it." I couldn't think about it, plan it for some future date, etc. That may be just me, but I know how I am. I can think something over, plan it and talk it up all day long. That doesn't make me follow through. For me personally, it's decide and act right now, or it ain't ever gonna happen. If I had tried that, I guarantee you I'd have lost interest long ago, and I guarantee you I'd still be drinking (if I was still alive).

I quit because I knew without a doubt I had reached the end of the line I knew would come "someday," and would have to stop.

From a clear headed and sober perspective, this thought came to me. While we are still drinking, we are a lot more fucked up than we realize (even when it's "worn off"). Rational thinking isn't there 100% of the time, no matter how well we function in real life, or how much money we're still making, or the fact we have a perfect house and family, the fact that we are good, caring people or whatever. Realizing we need to quit, making a decision to quit, and then following through can be like a chicken and egg thing. Unfortunately it's not often obvious until we get the alcohol out of our systems.

I didn't get that part while I was drinking. Going to AA meetings I will sometimes see newcomers, their first day in. It was shocking to me at first. I see what I looked like, felt like, acted like. Believe me, they ain't all there. Every one of them I hope makes it out, but believe me, I often have my doubts. I see them a week later and already they look different (I don't always recognize them!). Seeing the change over the weeks and months is amazing.

Another thing is, once the alcohol is out of us, we may find other underlying issues come up that we were either unaware of or were minimized (or self medicated) by our drinking. I'm an ADHD alcoholic (both genetic - one from dad, and one from mom). An estimated 30-50% of undiagnosed/intreated ADHD people become alcoholics/addicts (I hit the genetic lottery there). I find it helpful to treat both to maintain my sobriety. I keep myself open to anything in the future if I need it. AA and my sponsor keep me aware and accountable, teach me coping skills I never learned, and ADD meds keep me focused enough to not be in a constant state of chaos and control my impulses (the cause of my relapses whenever I had any longish sobriety in the past). Awareness, awareness, awareness - and going to whatever lengths you have to - whether you want to or not.

[Guitarista]

Do we have a choice?

[quote=gotta stop;1168143]G,
Hey - if you can take a pill that saves you months of sufferring - why wouldnt you??

For sure GS.

Great going on your abstinence. Keep it going friend. It get's better and better.

Starty. Sounds like you're having a rough trot. Anything we can do?

[kaza]

Do we have a choice?

Hi Mr G
Your post was very thought provoking and I think everyone's replies have been excellent. Yes, I can only speak for myself, and must never judge others, for that would be cruel, small minded and would accomplish absolutely nothing. However, I can judge myself and I do - I believe that alcohol is a very evil, dangerous and nasty drug - and a sneaky one too, because once you have it you can become addicted to it and when you try to stop, the sneaky alcohol tricks you again. But I have found with a lot of hard work, perseverance and support from everyone here. I have been able to ignore that sneaky craving that tells me I need a drink. I was a tee totaller until I was 34 years old, and only then over a period of time did it get out of hand. I know I have a choice now and I choose not to, for to do so I believe would send me back down that black spiralling forever downward tunnel. However, I am also very aware that for me, if I drink, I will end up where I was in February this year when I came to MWO and that was not a nice place to be. I have to say I would not be where I am today without the help of all the wonderful Undies that have helped me along the way. Thank you All. Love and Sunshine Kaza x

[kaza]

Do we have a choice?

Hello Starty
You poor Darling, please know that we are here for you and will help you in any way possible. You are a very wonderful, brave human being and I know you will get through this. I am extremely proud to read of how well you are coping without Al. It is not easy, but you are doing a superb job - especially in the face of everything else that has happened to you. I am always brought back to reality with a big thud when I read of other people's misfortunes, there is always someone worse off than me. I really feel for you and will do anything to help you, so hang in there my friend, you are definitely not alone. And Starty never lose sight of the fact that you are very, very special. Take Care, Be Kind to Yourself and I wish you Love and Sunshine Always. Kaz x

[startingover]

Do we have a choice?

Awwwh bless you guys.
Was feeling very sorry for myself yesterday. Life seems to have been incredibly challenging for such a long time with one thing and another.
I know I will get through it tho, got to put my coping mechanisms to good use. I DO need to reach out. Thank you xxx

[KatieSmiles]

Do we have a choice?

Interesting thread G

It certainly is our choice to continue drinking or not. The "how" is up to the individual. I am making that choice by taking medication in hopes that I will be able to stop drinking completely. Some make that choice via help through AA, Therapy, Will Power, Prayer...whatever. The key is that one is "choosing" to help themselves, succeed or fail they are still making a choice to be well.

[Guitarista]

Do we have a choice?

KatieSmiles;1168505 wrote: Interesting thread G

It certainly is our choice to continue drinking or not. The "how" is up to the individual. I am making that choice by taking medication in hopes that I will be able to stop drinking completely. Some make that choice via help through AA, Therapy, Will Power, Prayer...whatever. The key is that one is "choosing" to help themselves, succeed or fail they are still making a choice to be well.

Excellent post Katie. Thankyou. Hope the meds are doing it.

The willpower approach will work for a time, but it is full of holes as a long term strategy. But for me, we must really change and work on our thinking. I find myself always coming back to the 'Gratitude vs. deprivation' thinking and attitude. Look at all the plusses and positives. There are no negatives in being sober.

Best wishes on your journey.

Starty! Reach out friend, and report in will you? Hope you're going alright. :h

[catch22]

Do we have a choice?

Gr8 Thread MR G,
Going to keep this short for me!! NOW that i have a long lenght of sobriety it has given me that choice today and made me a stonger person, it as given me the knowlege of what would happen if i pick up that first drink, am back in the madness. BUT when i was drinking i felt like there was no choice cant explain it but if felt like my body and mind needed it. Today my body and mind dont need it. I had to put the action in and work at it.
Starty...big (((:l)))) from me.x

[Guitarista]

Do we have a choice?

catch22;1168687 wrote: Gr8 Thread MR G,
Going to keep this short for me!! NOW that i have a long lenght of sobriety it has given me that choice today and made me a stonger person, it as given me the knowlege of what would happen if i pick up that first drink, am back in the madness. BUT when i was drinking i felt like there was no choice cant explain it but if felt like my body and mind needed it. Today my body and mind dont need it. I had to put the action in and work at it.
Starty...big (((:l)))) from me.x

Hiya Catch!

You make a good point. No need to explain, we know. I too felt hopeless when i was in the grip of the grape. But, we somehow knew it wasn't for us, and we took action. Yep, this process can take time, we understand that, but the sooner the better. It's a hard road that we walk, but we can turn it all around, and we do, as millions have before us.

To everyone out there reading, you can get sober, and life is amazing without booze. To believe we need alcohol to socialise, or function, is the biggest lie since inflation. Follow your bliss and get yourself healthy. One foot slowly, in front of the other, in a forwardly motion doodyhead's.



Great to see you Catch and hope all's well. Keep it going! :h