Hi.
I am on day 10, and cannot understand why I feel so utterly shite. I have been a daily drinker for many years now, and just lately, have been terrified as to where this disease is taking me. I have always been what they call a 'functioning alcoholic' but of late, am not functioning at all. My drinking, over the last few months, has seen me get arrested for drink driving and loosing my licence. I thought that might be my rock bottom and wake up call, but no... My last drink took me to pubs I was not familiar with, hanging out with people I don't know. I have no memory at all, of where I was, who I was with, or what I did. I ended up in some strangers house, not knowing how I got there. I lost my purse, money, bank cards, and am totally terrified. All the 'yets' are happening to me, like the loss of my licence, and the morning drink...that came too.
I have only had one successful period of abstinance in about 7 + years. That was for 3 months, and I've never been able to repeat it ... just the odd 2 days, months apart. Now tho, I am scared. REALLY scared. After that weekend, when I ended up in a strangers house, I am waking up to where this is taking me, and I am terrified. Terrified of drinking, and equally terrified of not. I have not had a drink since that weekend - 10 days now, and I don't know how to cope. I had the worst withdrawals ever, thinking I was dying. 3 days after that last drink, I got hit with double vision, loss of hearing, followed by the worst noises in my head I have ever heard, total incoherance, dissorientation and confusion. My legs were jolting involuntarily off the bed and I was truly scared for my life. I do not know how I got through that night without going to the hospital.
So, here I am 10 days without a drink and going out of my head wondering how the hell I can keep going.
I don't understand why I feel so damned rough. Like I have the flu . I have a banging headache, shivers, dreadful dreadful fatigue, and my hands keep shaking. Can it be, that Im still suffering withdrawal, after 10 days ? I am so close to picking up a drink, just to make it go away. Has anyone else felt so rough, for so long, after their last drink. I know I have to keep going, because I know this disease wants me dead. I just dont understand why I feel so very much worse sober, than I ever did drunk. I dont want to quit trying, cuz I don't think I will make another recovery.
I'm scared, and don't know what to do.
I am on day 10, and cannot understand why I feel so utterly shite. I have been a daily drinker for many years now, and just lately, have been terrified as to where this disease is taking me. I have always been what they call a 'functioning alcoholic' but of late, am not functioning at all. My drinking, over the last few months, has seen me get arrested for drink driving and loosing my licence. I thought that might be my rock bottom and wake up call, but no... My last drink took me to pubs I was not familiar with, hanging out with people I don't know. I have no memory at all, of where I was, who I was with, or what I did. I ended up in some strangers house, not knowing how I got there. I lost my purse, money, bank cards, and am totally terrified. All the 'yets' are happening to me, like the loss of my licence, and the morning drink...that came too.
I have only had one successful period of abstinance in about 7 + years. That was for 3 months, and I've never been able to repeat it ... just the odd 2 days, months apart. Now tho, I am scared. REALLY scared. After that weekend, when I ended up in a strangers house, I am waking up to where this is taking me, and I am terrified. Terrified of drinking, and equally terrified of not. I have not had a drink since that weekend - 10 days now, and I don't know how to cope. I had the worst withdrawals ever, thinking I was dying. 3 days after that last drink, I got hit with double vision, loss of hearing, followed by the worst noises in my head I have ever heard, total incoherance, dissorientation and confusion. My legs were jolting involuntarily off the bed and I was truly scared for my life. I do not know how I got through that night without going to the hospital.
So, here I am 10 days without a drink and going out of my head wondering how the hell I can keep going.
I don't understand why I feel so damned rough. Like I have the flu . I have a banging headache, shivers, dreadful dreadful fatigue, and my hands keep shaking. Can it be, that Im still suffering withdrawal, after 10 days ? I am so close to picking up a drink, just to make it go away. Has anyone else felt so rough, for so long, after their last drink. I know I have to keep going, because I know this disease wants me dead. I just dont understand why I feel so very much worse sober, than I ever did drunk. I dont want to quit trying, cuz I don't think I will make another recovery.
I'm scared, and don't know what to do.
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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