Bitter

[lil.michelle]

I'm feeling really bitter right now. My mum is very ill and in horrible pain in hospital. She has pancreatitis. Now first I need to say, I love more dad more then life. He's always been a fantastic dad/grandad/friend but and here's the but he has a drinking problem. He would rather sit at home and drink rather then see my mum. He's not afraid of hospitals or anything like that, he would rather just drink.

Having had a drinking problem I feel I should understand but FFS, she was on deaths door. She's on the mend now but it'll take time. He's always 'feel sorry for me' bullshit 'poor me' and doesn't seem to really think twice about my mum. I feel like I'm losing my understanding with him. I'm always telling my mum how hard and horrible addiction is, how it takes over the mind ect ect. He's been told he needs to quit or at least cut back by the doctors and his skin is god awful to tge point a few family friends have questioned his al habits. Unlike all of us, he's just not trying. He makes my mums life hell sometimes, most nights actually. I'm just so angry. Atleast with me I tried and succeeded to quit.

My mum was crying on the phone to me today because of it and she confronted him about it which he stormed off. I just dont know what to do. I called saying, you are going to see mum tonight right as she's not doing good to which he didn't answer. I'm sure he was already drinking as he was snapping at me down the phone and I'm sure he was slurring too but can't be sure and that was at 4pm.

I'm sorry I'm so angry. He could atleast try, just while mum is so ill.

[Doggygirl]

Bitter

Oh lil.michelle - what a difficult situation to witness. It must be especially difficult since you have your own al issues you have battled.

The situation with my own parents is a bit of a reverse. My Dad is the one who is very ill. He is also extremely grumpy and nasty to my Mom, who works very hard to take care of him without complaint. Sometimes I want to throttle my Dad for being so cruel to her. In his case it's not AL causing the problem. I'm sure part of it is the array of meds he's on and part of it is just him being bitter and making no effort to control his temper/mouth. Either way, it makes life very difficult for my Mom.

The hardest thing for me to do was to accept that this situation is out of my control. All I can do is try to be there for my Mom and be the best loving daughter to her, and also do the same for my Dad. My opinion of how they relate to each other isn't really relevant. Only my Mom can put her foot down about the way my Dad is treating her.

Any time I have tried to stick my nose in the middle of it, I end up getting hurt or causing additional problems. When I think about it, I wouldn't want my parents meddling in my affairs so I need to accept that I don't need to be meddling in theirs - just trying to be there for them.

I sure know how difficult it is though.

DG

[Barbara1234]

Bitter

Hey Michelle,

We all know that AL rears it's ugly head in so many ways. We can't get through to someone with an AL problem if they don't want us to.
I'm sure your Dad is just too far into denial. I was there. It's not something you can fix.
Just be there for your mom. She knows what's going on. I'm very sad for you.

I'm also very proud of you for your accomplishments with staying AF.
Vent here all you want, your are entitled to feel the way you do!

[rubywillow]

Bitter

Lil, I'm so sorry. What a helpless feeling. If the near death and pain of his mate hasn't impacted him enough to at least moderate, I have no answer for him. But, and I can only imagine how wrenching this is for you, you still have to focus on yourself. To do what others cannot, will not, do, right now. You have no guilt in what your father is doing, and you can only be there, talk to him, and take care of your mom. He's obviously not reached his bottom, and may not. But you can be there, for your parents, and while you grieve for his decisions, you can't take them on as yours, or make them for him. Let your mother just talk to you about her feelings. You can't fix things, but you can be there and give and understanding ear to what she's going through. Talk to him, but unless you know he's making the effort, no one can count on him..Again, I'm so sorry for what is happening, but YOU are not the one causing the pain to others. It's another example of the power of AL, to put it before those we claim to love. We can usually look at things from the outside as impartial observers, but not when it's our parents. Be strong, honey. I only wish I could help you.