thought of you guys first

[starfairy]

well today was week 3 and i am drinking. we are in the middle of hurricane Irene and i am inside with a 7 year old and 5 year old and a messy house. we are trying to get stuff together for a yard sale we are havin in a couple of weeks and it is crazy here. i personally can't believe i did it. i am also on day 6 of a juice fast and knew for sure i would not break it. i just wanted to have fun in the storm i guess, not to rationalize it. my husband's comment was "well at least you know you can quit." i am not going to beat myself up too bad over it...though i am sure i will tomorrow. i have enjoyed being AL free so much. i feel that i am happier, luckier (doesn't it seem like good things happen more when you are sober, or at least you notice them more), smarter, more productive, confident, skinnier, etc..... so i want to continue. I guess this is me having a blip in the road. It was so strange cause my first thought was..."i need to write my MWO friends and let them know i have messed up." are you guys disappointed? i am....

[Doggygirl]

thought of you guys first

You are the only one who matters when it comes to things like disappointment. At least I hope you are striving for sobriety for YOU and not for anyone here! We are all here to help and support each other - please worry ONLY about not disappointing yourself.

Beware the "well, so now you know you can quit - you can just quit again" thinking. I thought that too when I drank after 60 days AF, and realized pretty quickly that the decision to drink had been a bad one. I struggled MIGHTILY for 8 moths to get back on the wagon. For some reason I couldn't manage more than a couple days in a row AF in all that time. For me, it was not easy to just "climb right back on the wagon."

That scared the crap out of me and I will NEVER EVER assume that if I chose to drink I will be able to easily get back on the wagon.

Just sayin'.

I also drank like a fish through many hurricane and tropical storm warnings in Florida. I don't feel like that was a very smart choice. I'm just lucky things didn't turn south in a way where I had to actually function at 100% to save myself or help neighbors, etc.

I hope you are able to jump right back on the wagon! AF is the better way, that's for sure.

DG

[starfairy]

thought of you guys first

oh doggy girl i agree. my husband does not want to deal with my issue so he tries to "downsize" it for me. I am very very aware of this. the storm is not all that bad here in raleigh just a lot of wind. i was being silly. i grew up in Fl and have lived threw a real storm or two. thank you so much for your honest reply. i just felt disappointed and felt like i needed to talk to you all first.

[RingingCedars]

thought of you guys first

What Doggygirl said especially about being able to react if the situations calls for some quick critical thinking with the responsibility of 2 children's lives. In this case, I implore you to stop now. Take care please.

[RingingCedars]

thought of you guys first

X post--glad you are safe.

[starfairy]

thought of you guys first

guys i swear there is no impending danger here for us. i would never do that with my kids. i swear! now i feel bad for writing a post. i may usually drink more than i should but one thing i am not is a bad parent. My main concern in life is my girls. I was just stating earlier that i was bored with the hurricane or lack there of. i spent all morning at a preschool education seminar and was feeling restless. i just felt like i had been really connected lately and wanted to share...which i will still continue to share no matter because i know how good it makes me feel to think i am talking with someone who gets me in that way.

[tonstantweader]

thought of you guys first

Hi Starfairy, You were right to come on here and get some good advice. I am with DoggyGirl on this. I have gone AF several times in the past for long periods and every time I thought I could drink safely again, I always ended up drinking more than ever before and finding it harder and harder to quit. But I know that wine siren song is very strong. I was used to drinking during storms, too, but have been sipping hot chocolate through our portion of Irene, which is minimal compared to North Carolina and the coast.

[RingingCedars]

thought of you guys first

Starfairy--my concern was in no way a judgment. I don't know you and I do not know how much you've had to drink. I don't know if your husband is drinking along with you. Your original post sounded like you were in a more direct path of Irene. My brain said...warning, warning. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut but best to err on the side of caution. I really meant no offense. Take care.

[Juja]

thought of you guys first

I'm not disappointed in you--no one will be. We're not here to judge, but to help. I was just there this week myself, and understand. Beware, however, after my one night splurge, I'm having cravings again. I hadn't had those since the first week. We can't let one night trip us up.

I'm with you. Oh, and I sure hope you're safe in NC.

[rubywillow]

thought of you guys first

Star, though I'm personally in no danger from this storm, you said 'there is no impending danger for us.' Not from the storm, no. But from the AL, yes. How would and could you react, for yourself and your children, in even the best of circumstances, when you have AL in your system.
Please know there is no judgement from me. I've done so much worse than you describe. But knowing if there's an emergency of any kind you couldn't properly respond to could be devastating. That's the real point of not drinking, or severely moderating, isn't it? Please think about the above posts. No one is judging; we've just all seen what happens, and want to tell you to really think about what is most important in your life. Does AL really have a place in it? Be safe, you and your family, please.

[starfairy]

thought of you guys first

i just read my original post. it does sound like we are in danger. it was poorly written. i am sorry for that. we are all good and i just spent some time outside talking to our neighbor about life. (she is 74) TALK WITH YOU ALL SOON.

[starfairy]

thought of you guys first

well if it makes any of you fell beter. i have put down the drink and am eating...almost 2 lean cuisines now. i did not drink all that much to start with.

[starfairy]

thought of you guys first

it is now morning. i have a horrible headache ands my nose is stuffed up. i am really mad at myself for drinking. i did not even get very buzzed so it was just pure contamination to my body. thanks for posting with me last night. it is funny to me that the night i drink, i post numerous times on a website for alcoholics. in a way that makes me feel proud that i am very aware of my problem. have a great sunday and thanks again.