Bad bender this week.

[gimp]

So I had a pretty bad bender this week. I wound up trashing my house for about 5 days and then spent all day to day cleaning it up. It took about 4 hours to get it as clean as it was before I started drinking. I couldn't fall asleep last night until about 630 this morning and had two very realistic and scary dreams. The first one was of me at some Rugby event and when I left I couldn't find my truck, then I realized I didn't know If I even drove there. The second one I was at a restaurant with someone and I noticed I had my old phone and I started freaking out in my dream that I had gone back in time or into some alternate dimension. Then when I went to pay the bill I had no idea what I had to eat or drink. They both scared me because I thought at the time they were real and I felt like I was really drunk but couldn't remember drinking recently. I've never had dreams that freaked me out like that before, I finally convinced myself I was dreaming and woke up both times, but it was a shitty way to sleep. I walked for two hours to get more booze this afternoon, which I'm really not proud of, but at least I cleaned my house and got a few hours of excercise. I'll be checking in here a lot more now and trying to get myself off of this stupid thing. Can't beleive I tripped up this badly again. This might have been the worst bender of my life so far. Just wanted to share this and maybe someone might give some kinds words. :thanks:

[ronnie]

Bad bender this week.

Hi gimp,
This is my second time around here and so far I have managed 7 days A/F although there have been times where I thought sod it just one wont hurt, but I managed to keep myself busy, You will get lots of support here as we are all going or gone through the same thing. Try and make sure you stay close to this site. But at the end of the day it is you that has to want to give up the booze and it sounds like you have done it before (like myself) so you know you can do it again.
Its good to see you here and keep checking in
Take care
xx

[gimp]

Bad bender this week.

Thanks that helped. I think the worst part right now is I'm so in the swing of it I can't imagine slowing down tomorrow. I'm going to have to get myself sorted out for next week though. I already used this week as my last week of vacation for the year. I can't screw up again.

Lucky I have great bosses who understand but that sure won't last long at this pace. Guess tomorrow really means buckle down. Thanks for the support.

[gimp]

Bad bender this week.

Boy if I could say "one won't hurt" and have "one" that would be fantastic. I can't help but drink to the point of excess each time I drink. And it is frequent. Ah, I 'll miss it, but I need to do it before it ruins my whole life. I'll check back in tomorrow and I hope I feel the same.

[greeneyes]

Bad bender this week.

Hi gimp. I'm betting you won't miss trashing your house and freaking yourself out with toxic dreams. There is SO much more to you and your life. How about giving yourself a shot at a 30 day AF stint? Have you read the MWO book? That's a good start and people here can give you all kinds of pointers to help you stay the course. You must do the work, but I bet you won't regret it. You WILL regret continuing to let your life spiral out of control, though. Give it a try - you have everything to gain!