Just putting this out there....

[TheSunFlower]

edited

[stirly-girly]

Just putting this out there....

Hiya SunFlower.

First of all - good on getting five days sober. That shows that you can do it if you set your mind to it. From what you wrote tho', getting through those days AF means distancing yourself from the AA meetings. I have never been to an AA meeting and frankly don't know that I ever would. I am not knocking AA by any means because I know that it helps a lot of people. One of my best friends is AF for almost 12 years now and AA is what helped her the most. However, after reading other members' posts, I understand that it is not for everybody. And it sounds like it's not for you. At least the meetings that you've been attending. From what I've read, the meetings can vary from area to area. However, if you are not benefiting from those meetings and indeed feel that they are a trigger to drinking then I would say either stay away completely or find a meeting in another area close to you. And I think that going to the meetings because you want to, rather than because you feel pressured to, would be much more beneficial to your mind set. So, from what you've said, if sticking to your routine of yoga, work that must be done and then spending time with your kids, works for you, then that's what you should do. Whatever keeps you away from AL and whatever doesn't set off the stinking drinking thinking. Best of luck with racking up lots more AF days. Be strong....

Stirly

[rubywillow]

Just putting this out there....

SF, I've missed chatting with you. All meetings, groups, are NOT created equal, or for everyone. While what you mentioned doing is great, maybe individual therapy, anything one-on-one, would work better for you. But continue to go to different groups. You may find one you are comfortable in. Contact me any time, hon.

[ToMyHealth]

Just putting this out there....

Like Stirly, I am not knocking AA as have never been a part of it. Have, however, been in situations where one person gets the floor and dominates and/or breakout groups where I start to think we're just all trading ignorances. Maybe you can find a better one. Seems to me you already know what works for you - work your plan, do yoga, live your life. Having said that I need to go do my workout, accomplish home chores this afternoon, and have an AF evening.

TMH

[BeanoC]

Just putting this out there....

I am with you 100% on this, SunFlower. I will have one month AF as of tomorrow. I haven't been sober for a full month in years! I too am not a fan of AA; that's just me. I am not interested in "giving myself over to a higher power", thank you very much. If you really want to change, to get sober, it comes from within. Sure, the support of others and their understanding is important - that's why you're here. But sitting in a room watching other people smoke cigarettes and talk about God helping them stay sober is definitely not for me.


Just my two cents. All the christians can start flaming me now.

[DriftyAlison0]

Just putting this out there....

I don't go to AA. I feel that AA isn't for me and why try to put meetings on my already busy schedule when the tools and support that I get from both God and here is working. Now if I change my mind and I feel that I need to try AA someday I will, but for now, I am not going to any AA meetings.

[Doggygirl]

Just putting this out there....

Sunflower, ultimately you should do whatever helps you stay sober, and not do what doesn't help you stay sober.

The only caution I put out there is that when I was drinking or even newly sober, I couldn't really always trust myself to know. AL is in our heads always trying to convince us to feed our addiction. So what would seem "logical" to me would sometimes be AL having his way with me.

That is one of the reasons I believe it is vital to my own sobriety to be a part of a community where I get real feedback from other people to make sure there isn't BS going on in my head. AL would love nothing better than to separate me from my support systems.

For me, those support systems are My Way Out and AA. I do agree with the others who have said all AA meetings are not equal. I also respect that just because I might not like a particular meeting, doesn't mean it's a bad meeting. Maybe the others there are getting exactly what they need. I can humbly move on and try a different one.

At any rate - just two cents about the dangers for me of listening to my own logic sometimes without input from others. AL can catch me that way.

DG

[TheSunFlower]

Just putting this out there....

Thanks

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to post. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am on the right path. I have finally determined what works for me. AA is not a part of it.....it triggers me to drink. I have been to several different meetings....and I always leave them feeling nuts. I have several friends I can call on for help in difficult times. Today for me was very peaceful knowing I put that pressure of that "should" behind me.

Doggy I get what you are saying. I never really got much out of meetings and I am very glad it works for you.

Congrats BeanoC on getting to a month!

[nancy]

Just putting this out there....

to each her own

Hi Sunflower,

For sure there are reasons AA would actually lead some people to drink more. At the meetings, people obsess about alcohol. Their interactions afterward are all focused on drinking. The identity of the members is all wrapped up in being a labeled alcoholic. Members, aiming to be supportive, take your phone number and call you when you are out of meetings. You hear drunkalogs. You are told that you are all alike. You are advised to take what you want and leave the rest. Sounds sensible, but in reality it means you are agreeing and listening to things you fundamentally don't believe in (including a higher power), for the sake of what, social support? I remember hearing that if you doubted you were an alcoholic, try going to a bar and just having a few. Everyone laughed and they said none of "us" could. Of course many people with drinking problems actually can do that. But you are encouraged to go along with the groupspeak on this and everything else. You agree to be identified as a diseased person over and over again.

I am sorry I am biased on this issue and I do not want to offend those who are helped by the program. I am glad it helps some people. But if you are not one of those people, find some other secular group support. I also recommend the book How to change your drinking, harm reduction method. I got it because a member posted about it here in the reading section.

Good luck Sunflower.

[TheSunFlower]

Just putting this out there....

Thanks Nancy

I guess for me.....I feel like there are so many "shoulds" put on this thing....and the only thing people know who are not burden with this thing know is AA. And they have no idea what the program is about.

I am thrilled that AA has helped millions of people. I am not so much against the program, but the fact that I go to meeting after meeting and they become triggers for me. It is rare for me to find the person who is healthy and functioning. So many people act as though....OMG....if I miss this meeting for over 2 weeks.....and these are people 10 years sober. But, I doubt they are truly sober. A meeting would not revolve around them and some conflict they are having with their siding guy! It takes up a lot of my time to hear this kind of crap. And it triggers me to drink.

Here I can pick and choose who I what to engage in, support and get support from. And that works for me.