I'm now convinced that rather than having an alcohol problem, I am merely the hapless victim of repeated episodes of Transient Global Amnesia - TGA. And I have it on powerful authority!
The main points of the story are below:
Those of you outside of the UK may not know about our errant local boy, the Right Reverend Thomas Frederick Butler, one of the Church of England's most senior bishops. This is causing quite the scandal. Evidently this poor chap has a bit of a blank spot to fill in and is now undergoing tests at the tax payers expense for what he is now claiming is Transient Global Amnesia (TGA) - after previously saying he had been mugged.
The elegant ballroom in the grand London house was, as is traditional at the Irish Embassy's Christmas party, thronged with hundreds of partygoers. And the man who was to become the central figure in an ensuing mystery which has been a talking point in pews and bars throughout the land, was making sure everyone there noticed him. Resplendent in ecclesiastical red shirt and pin-striped suit, the Right Reverend Thomas Frederick Butler, one of the Church of England's most senior bishops, introduced himself to the majority present - some of them twice - with the words: "I am the Bishop of Southwark."
Some hours later, the 66-year-old prelate, was found six miles away outside his home, the Bishop's House in Tooting Bec, South London, with a black eye, bloodied, a bump on his head and a number of personal items missing. What happened between the party and his doorstep remains the subject of a number of bizarre and conflicting accounts. Was it a vicious mugging, as the Bishop originally told his congregation? Or a drunken misadventure which ended in a stranger's car, as others claim? Or, even more intriguingly, could it be - as the indignant Bishop now claims - a sudden neurological affliction which has left him unable to recall any of the post-party events?
Witness accounts have pieced together his somewhat meandering route home which included getting into the back seat of someone's BMW and throwing cuddly toys around before being helped out, falling over and banging his head. Oh, and losing his mobile phone, crucifix, and briefcase in said car. One witness said:
"I and some passers-by asked him if he wanted an ambulance but he said no. Then he got up and staggered under the railway bridge. We were laughing because he was staggering so much as he walked off."
Dr Butler warmed to the neurological theory on the radio, saying: "It's very worrying, I still have amnesia. I've had extensive medical tests and they are going on. I remember nothing from the early time of the party until I got home. I hope there are no longterm ill effects. It's very bizarre. I really do defy anyone who's had too much to drink to make that (route) journey." Yeah right!
As you can see my TGA condition is also obvious:
Dring wine and talk shite - Tick
Wander around lost - yup - done that
Get in the back seat of someone else's car - sadly yes!
Fall over and bash my head - Oh yes
Stagger a lot - That's another tick in the box
Get home on autopilot - Many times
Lose all my stuff - It's getting uncanny!
Cant remember most of the night -The parallels are so obvious now.
Explain the injuries using the mugging excuse - That's the clincher!
So, as you can see, we've been led mightily astray by all this alcohol problem nonsense! We are merely the repeat victims of this dreadful TGA condition. After all, we now have the backing of a senior man of the cloth!
Or perhaps we should look out for a Newbie calling himself "The lamb"!
The main points of the story are below:
Those of you outside of the UK may not know about our errant local boy, the Right Reverend Thomas Frederick Butler, one of the Church of England's most senior bishops. This is causing quite the scandal. Evidently this poor chap has a bit of a blank spot to fill in and is now undergoing tests at the tax payers expense for what he is now claiming is Transient Global Amnesia (TGA) - after previously saying he had been mugged.
The elegant ballroom in the grand London house was, as is traditional at the Irish Embassy's Christmas party, thronged with hundreds of partygoers. And the man who was to become the central figure in an ensuing mystery which has been a talking point in pews and bars throughout the land, was making sure everyone there noticed him. Resplendent in ecclesiastical red shirt and pin-striped suit, the Right Reverend Thomas Frederick Butler, one of the Church of England's most senior bishops, introduced himself to the majority present - some of them twice - with the words: "I am the Bishop of Southwark."
Some hours later, the 66-year-old prelate, was found six miles away outside his home, the Bishop's House in Tooting Bec, South London, with a black eye, bloodied, a bump on his head and a number of personal items missing. What happened between the party and his doorstep remains the subject of a number of bizarre and conflicting accounts. Was it a vicious mugging, as the Bishop originally told his congregation? Or a drunken misadventure which ended in a stranger's car, as others claim? Or, even more intriguingly, could it be - as the indignant Bishop now claims - a sudden neurological affliction which has left him unable to recall any of the post-party events?
Witness accounts have pieced together his somewhat meandering route home which included getting into the back seat of someone's BMW and throwing cuddly toys around before being helped out, falling over and banging his head. Oh, and losing his mobile phone, crucifix, and briefcase in said car. One witness said:
"I and some passers-by asked him if he wanted an ambulance but he said no. Then he got up and staggered under the railway bridge. We were laughing because he was staggering so much as he walked off."
Dr Butler warmed to the neurological theory on the radio, saying: "It's very worrying, I still have amnesia. I've had extensive medical tests and they are going on. I remember nothing from the early time of the party until I got home. I hope there are no longterm ill effects. It's very bizarre. I really do defy anyone who's had too much to drink to make that (route) journey." Yeah right!
As you can see my TGA condition is also obvious:
Dring wine and talk shite - Tick
Wander around lost - yup - done that
Get in the back seat of someone else's car - sadly yes!
Fall over and bash my head - Oh yes
Stagger a lot - That's another tick in the box
Get home on autopilot - Many times
Lose all my stuff - It's getting uncanny!
Cant remember most of the night -The parallels are so obvious now.
Explain the injuries using the mugging excuse - That's the clincher!
So, as you can see, we've been led mightily astray by all this alcohol problem nonsense! We are merely the repeat victims of this dreadful TGA condition. After all, we now have the backing of a senior man of the cloth!
Or perhaps we should look out for a Newbie calling himself "The lamb"!
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