new job, taken away. devastated.

[Abielle]

This is a long one, but please read if you think you can offer me any suggestions. I am nearly inconsolable. Trying hard to keep my chin up.

I was offered a new job last week. I was ecstatic. Amazed. Excited. I could finally pay my bills again. I have been gliding around on this feeling for a week now.

I received a call from the manager there on Tuesday morning. I was unable to call her back due to a flat tire, and other craziness that occurred that day. I was able to go into the store though, to talk to the HR woman, to work on some new hire paperwork and a background check. I told her what to expect on my background check. That I did have a DUI. That everything associated with it was taken care of, and that I was moving on with it. I asked her if this would affect the hiring process, and she said NO.

While I was in the store with the HR woman, I figured I might run into the manager who had called me, and I would talk to her then. But, she was in an hours long meeting. So, we didn't intersect, and calling her at that point would be pointless, she wouldn't get the call. Then I went to school until 9 pm that night.

So...I called her back Wednesday morning. She told me she was rescinding the job offer. Because she had called another reference and it came back unsatisfactorily. (In my world, this is absolutely not possible. I have never gotten a bad reference from ANYONE. I have never gotten written up, much less let go from a job.) Also, why would she still be checking references AFTER she had offered me the job, and after negotiating salary with me, and planning my start date? (And after she had told me 2 weeks ago that she had checked all of my references and they came back glowing.)

I am feeling so sick. Devastated.

Since I had already put my notice in at my current job, they are very upset with me wanting to stay there. They are mad at me for seeking other employment. And, it is up in the air as to whether or not I have a job at all now.

I don't know what to do. And, my sweetie left again for Vermont. I have no idea when he will be back with me again. He didn't say 'I love you' back to me this morning when we said goodbye. I fear he is going to leave me.

The only thing I can think of that may have caused them to rescind the offer is...when I sent my application through to them on the website, it did not allow me to edit anything I had previously filled in there. I had applied with them in January as well, so it took all info that was current as of January 15th or so, and shot that through to them. That was before my DUI. So, on that application, if there was a spot for "have you ever been convicted of a crime, etc...?" I would have checked NO. My DUI didn't occur till May 1, and my conviction didn't occur until August 1. So, maybe they thought I lied on my application? But how would they even know if she had called me before I had gone in to fill out paperwork authorizing them to do a background check? And, why won' t they just tell me the truth?

I can't stop crying. I just don't understand. I try so hard to be a good person, to do everything right. But I am human. I have made mistakes. I feel so so so alone.:upset:

[rubywillow]

new job, taken away. devastated.

I'm SO sorry, Abi. What a let down! Who knows what goes on in people's minds? Momma Bear had something similar happen to her a while back. Don't worry to much in advance about what's going on with your partner. You can only fix the now, and not the what if's. This will pass, no matter how much it hurts right now. Talk you your current job and reassure them you really need and want to keep working there. And don't consider AL, it's definitely not the answer.

[Abielle]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Thanks Ruby,
I am definitely not considering AL. Just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I had a nightmare about it the other night. That I had a beer in front of me, and people were telling me to drink it. I didn't want to, and I didn't drink it...but it was so disturbing that it would even appear in my dream. I am on day 48 AF today. And, not even thinking of drinking in the least.
My emotional state is so fragile, I cannot compromise any tenuous grasp on stability that I have right now.
I am just feeling so damn sad. And utterly confused. Why won't they just give me an answer? I think I deserve it.

[stirly-girly]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Abielle, I'm so sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult situation. Is there anyway you can go talk to the woman who offered you the job and explain to her what had happened. That you weren't lying on your original application. And ask her who she got a bad reference from since you've never, ever had a bad reference before. Maybe a one-to-one with her would get things straightened out.
I know things will be difficult staying at your old job but if you must stay, then try your best to prove to them that you do want to stay there by working as hard as you usually do.
And, as Ruby says, don't hang out with AL. He'll only make things worse.

[mama bear]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Oh Abi...I am so sorry...the EXACT same thing happened to me last fall.....I agree with stirl....go try to talk to the woman in person
I am not sure if you have any legal recourse.......Florida is an employment at will state and employers can do whatever they want......
be strong sweetie

[RingingCedars]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Hi Again, Abi--sorry you're being overwhelmed with so much right now. I agree with the others. Deal with the bf in due time. Look after you right now. Put your big girl panties on and find a way to talk to that prospective boss. Go armed with all your rave reviews, humble but confident. And if it doesn't work, then hang onto what you've got for now. I hope it all works out for you.

[Cinders]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Hi, Abi,

I am going to face the same challenge. Tomorrow I go to fill out paperwork for a new job and they will do a background check.

At that time, they will find my arrest for a DUI. I have not been convicted, yet, but that doesn't matter. I was arrested and it will show up on a BI.

I will face it when it comes up. That is all I can do and it is all you can do.

Chin up, girl. Go talk to the woman who hired you and see if you can sway her. If not, you don't want to work for her anyway.

Let's both hope things break our way.

Love,
Cindi

[ATLThrash]

new job, taken away. devastated.

I do think that you should address it because if there is something beyond what you know of (DUI) like a bad reference (and sounds like that would be a surprise) you want to know that so you can do damage control. I would just approach it with her as you are not expecting future employment but so that you can be the best candidate for any job you apply for you would appreciate feedback on how you can best present yourself. I am an employment lawyer representing employers and I can tell you though-- she may not talk to you out of fear of being sued (plus people are so non-confrontational at times). In most states you can decide not to hire and in fact can fire a person for a good reason, a bad reason or no reason as long as it does not involve illegal discrimination (race, sex, etc). Unfortunately I have seen lots of companies be so dumb where they make an offer and then check the references or background after. DUI is also to some employers a big red flag-- not just because of the stigma that would attach with the drinking, but because employers see it as poor judgment and also that you may have transportation problems in the future with it. I am not trying to get you distressed but since I have seen it so much with employers as their counsel I know how they think. If you don't think it was a DUI-- do you know if they did a credit check? Lots of places are doing them now in connection with hiring and if you have less than stellar credit they also may use that as a reason to not hire-- especially if you will be in a money handling position. I know it seems so unfair because people who get into money troubles are the ones who need a job badly but it often happens. If you have any questions pm me. I hope it all works out for you-- I would be gutted if that happened to me!

[tonstantweader]

new job, taken away. devastated.

You said you went to class that night. Is this a college or a community college? They may have resources there for you, too. Is it possible for you to get a student worker job? I work at a community college and we always want to look out for our students. I truly hope this works out for you. You have been given some great advice here. My best to you.

[Kimberley]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Hi Abi

You're not alone - I had my dream job offer taken away after I'd beaten over 300 candidates to get it! All because of one reference from some voluntary work I did when I wasn't in such a good place. What peed me off most was that I'd been honest with the company about my not-so-great past. But anyway...
You know what I did? I cried a bucketload about it tried to negotiate with HR who weren't having any of it. So I accepted it and I then went out and got an even better job (and obviously used a different referee that time!)
I can hear your pain in your post. If you can negotiate then get busy - if not then ask for accurate feedback from HR and use that feedback when you go out to get an even better job.
K x

[nancy]

new job, taken away. devastated.

tough issue

I don't know a lot about this field. Can you get some good advice from someone in it? Maybe by phone from someone on this site? Are you in the U.S.? Aren't there rules her about references? I thought referees really had to be careful. Is the HR person obliged to tell you where the reference came from? Do you have what they said in writing? Maybe try to get that if not?

I think a DUI is bad, but more important is what people who worked with you think of you, whether it interfered with your job performance in the past.

Don't assume too much either until you know more about what happened.

Do not despair.

[Accountable for Me]

new job, taken away. devastated.

or...... just a thought here.... how about calling your references and asking them what they said to the employer? This way if there was any negative feedback, hopefully they will be honest with you and tell you.

Then delete them off your resume!! xoxoxo

[ATLThrash]

new job, taken away. devastated.

If you have any questions Abi, I would be glad to try to help-- I am an employment lawyer so I can tell you what really happens lots of times-- I represented employers so I knwo loads of their tricks. To answer Nancy-- references do have to be careful in the US but that often really works against a prospective hire because many times all they will give is dates of employemtn and whether the person is eligible for rehire. If they just say no re-hre and they do not explain the prospective emplyer will really be left with questions. And with so many looking for work it is easy to find the "more qualified" candidate instead of taking any risk. What the references cannot say is slanderous or discriminatory stuff-- imputing a crime or dishonesty, a contagious disease (AIDS, leprosy etc), or stating they would not hire becasue they are black or a woman, for example-however, they can express their opinion so if they simply say-- the person is not dependable and I would not hire them-- that is not slanderous even if it is not true. It is just the opinion of the reference. Now if they say-- I would not hire them because they are a drunk, or black or a woman-- thsoe are not permissable. But in discussing drinking and job performance-- it is okay to say I would not hire because they did not perform the job satisfactorily because they drank, but they are linking it to a specific aspect of job performance. Seems to be a small distinction but as long as they link it to a job function (driving, coming in on time, good appearance while at work) they are okay. Can't just say I would not hire because they are an alcoholic-- that is not permissable since alcoholism is a disease. Employers today can be sued for negligent hiring-- meaning if they hire without checking references or in spite of bad ones and the employee then does something bad they could have foressen a customer could sue. As for the DUI being the reason-- they are within their rights to not hire a person for that reason unless they are hiring some folks with DUIs and not others based on some other discriminatory factor (such as-- I hire male DUIs but not female ones). I alwasy advise being pro-active on what the background check may show and employer. Then you have shown you are honest, accountable and learning from your mistakes. I used to have employers who would actually be more apt to hire someone who acknowledged the background stuff up front because they found them to have integrity. This may not make a difference in whetehr you get hired at this job (probably won't) but going forward it may help.

I do agree with Accountable-- I would call the references and touch base-- see if you can shake out who might have said something by the tone of their voice etc-- they will likely lie about it but at least you tried. And it never hurts to see if you can get feedback from HR or the hiring manager, approaching it from a standpoint of wanting to learn and grow. Good luck!

[ATLThrash]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Sorry for the typos-- I was really going fast-- and Nancy-- the company does not have to supply what the references said or why they did not hire and they proabably will not thanks to lawyers and the threat of getting sued. Stinks eh?

[Abielle]

new job, taken away. devastated.

Hi all,

Thanks for your responses. I woke with a pounding headache, and the thoughts that I just wish this whole interview had never happened. This has left me feeling so horrible about myself. None of the references I provided said anything negative about me. I know this. I have spoken to them all. My drinking never interfered with my job in any tangible way. Most people didn't even know about it.

The only thing we can all even guess happened, is that someone from my current company, called the new job and said something slanderous about me. Especially since the supposed reference occurred days after the job offer was accepted. (The company I was hired by is a competitor.) Several people think that someone found out I was going there and then decided to trash me. Who would be so cruel? I only did any of this to try to make a better life for myself. I could care less that they are a competitor. Only that they could pay me better, and I could finally FINALLY!! be more financially responsible for myself. I felt real hope for the first time this year.

ATL-- I have been speaking with my sister-in-law---who works for the company who made the job offer/rescinded the job offer---but in another state. She has spoken with her HR people, who told her that I have the right to have a copy of my application, all notes that were taken during my interview by the interview panel, and copies of any notes taken on reference checks. They are puzzled by this whole thing, and think something is fishy. Are they wrong on what I am legally allowed to know about this?

I just want to know the truth. I know I am a good person. I have never gotten fired, never gotten written up, never had an enemy that I know of. I just feel so sick and horrible. And I am so afraid of the winter coming, because I really can't afford the heat bill. Dammit. Who would do this to me?