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    #1

    starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

    Hi there,
    I've been sober for just over one year now (single for four years) and am finally ready to dabble my toes in the murky waters of dating :eeks:. I've been trying to figure out what to say when a potential date asks me why I don't drink. I really don't want to get into the whole story with every guy I meet. I've been using an online dating site and it asks drinking habits as well as what amount of drinking you would tolerate in a potential match. I'm not opposed to dating someone who has an occasional drink but when and how should that topic be brought up? I don't believe in labeling myself an alcoholic because I think the term is very derogatory but I don't mind discussing how my brain and alcohol do not play nicely together! Any thoughts or ideas greatly appreciated!
    Pond. AF 9/3/10

    ~Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you~
    Tags: None
    #2
    starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

    :goodjob: one more than a year sober.

    People won't think that you're a former alcoholic if you don't drink. That fear dogged me for a good while, until I realised that people actually don't give much of a damn. It really isn't all that strange. Just say you don't react well to AL, even in small amounts.

    Good luck with the dating!
    I'll do whatever it takes
    AF 21/08/2009

    Comment

      #3
      starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

      Well done on your one year alcohol free and as mr tips has said I have found that the majority of people dont bat an eyelid when you say you dont drink and am myself quite comfortable talking about why i dont drink to people i meetThe only "resistence" i would get is from people who themselfs may have a drink problem and are in denial of it, goodluck in your date i am sure it will go well.


      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

      Comment

        #4
        starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

        Tip,
        You are so right - it doesnt matter. I recently held a "get together" at my home. A mother offered me a drink to which I said no thanks. She insisted and insisted until I said no thanks, I dont drink. There was no akward dialogue asking me why not, no strange looks, we all moved on. Later in the evening, a friend from highschool - that I drank with on numerous occasions - said "you dont drink anymore?" I said nope and that was it. I was fully prepared to explain, but she didnt care - it"s truly not an issue. I wish others could recognize that the world does not revolve around alcohol. I realize i too was one of those people but I see the light now!

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          #5
          starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

          I have thought about this too before. It's on our minds because we know we had an issue. With most people it doesn't even faze them if you drink or not unless they are avid drinkers themselves, and those who are I'm sure you wouldn't want to date anyways.
          "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."-- Judy Garland

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            #6
            starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

            Ponderosa, congrats on your AF time!!! :goodjob:

            I'm with the others here - not any need for lengthy explanations. I too have found that most people don't give a rusty hoot.

            Enjoy your dating experience!

            DG
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

            One day at a time.

            Comment

              #7
              starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

              Since you do not know this person it will make it even easier nto to drink-- if they ask I woudl say I don't mind but I don't care for any, but to the other person-- feel free. Usually no one I know pushes it-- especially a new person. If they do, I just say drinking doesn't float my boat. If they go more from there-- I don't think you need them as a date. Good luck

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                #8
                starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                Hi Ponderosa,
                I agree with the others, I wouldn't worry too much about it. We are far more concerned with it than other people seem to be. Good luck on the dating...I'm thinking of giving it a try myself (it's been years!). Let me know how it goes :h
                K9
                :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                Comment

                  #9
                  starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                  I believe less is more...

                  "Would you care for a drink?"

                  "No, thank you."

                  Next topic?

                  If they really insist on pushing the issue ("come on, have a drink with me!"), There probably won't be a second date.
                  When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of.
                  You might bend till you break, 'cuz it's all you can take.
                  On your knees, you look up, decide you've had enough.

                  You get mad, you get strong, wipe your hands, shake it off...

                  Then You Stand.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                    People generally respect those who choose not to drink because they see them as health conscious and healthy is very attractive (why do all those get fit articles keep resurfacing in newspapers/magazines? The aspiration is exciting so you may even actually influence any future dates not to drink themselves as they'll see it as a personal improvement).

                    Don't worry. If they insist on a reason, just be honest: I don't handle drink well and prefer not to indulge. If on the other hand they get weird about it, run a mile because you don't want somebody like that. It really shouldn't be an issue for the person you are telling.

                    All the best.
                    m

                    Comment

                      #11
                      starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                      Thanks everyone!
                      You all make excellent points. One problem I've come across living in the Pacific Northwest is that beer is practically a religion here. Seriously, I think there are more brewpubs then churches in town . So it is a popular topic here and one I would just like a snappy answer for. But yes, I don't drink for health reasons so I guess that's reason enough.
                      As in all things I need to take this one day at a time .
                      blessings,
                      Pond
                      Pond. AF 9/3/10

                      ~Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you~

                      Comment

                        #12
                        starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                        Taking it one day at a time but not forgetting to plan for what potential triggers & cravings will lay ahead as they will come. Failing to plan is planing to fail. :-)


                        :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                        Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                        I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                        This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                          I agree Mario. but how does one plan ahead in matters of the heart :h.
                          I don't want to miss out on Mr Perfect-for-me because I think I need to date only non-drinkers for example. Triggers and cravings.... gosh! I forgot about those because truthfully they just aren't there.
                          BUT...... I know I don't want to get involved with a heavy drinker, it's the casual drinker I'm on the fence about. The guy who likes those micro-brews in moderation. Can I handle that if it were to become a long term deal? Or, like my ex-husband who could take it or leave it would someone leave it for my health (or just plain leave ME like he did)? Definitely not first date conversation I know but I guess that is me planning ahead a bit...
                          Online dating does present this dilemma in a way. It's really easy to get to know someone fairly well through e-mail,phone etc... seeing if you are compatible on many levels before you even meet. But habits like alcohol consumption are best observed in person.
                          EX: I met this really great guy who lives a five hour drive from here. We talk on the phone, e-mail, text. He seems like a great guy and we would like to meet in person. He did bring up enjoying NW wines (we were discussing the virtues of living in the PNW, so it was an appropriate comment) and at that point I told him I no longer drank and he just said "oh". On to next topic... coffee, which I DO drink lots of .
                          I know that dating may seem like a silly topic here, compared to being in the throes of alcohol addiction, however I want to say to any newbies reading this that it is so wonderful to finally start worrying about things like dating again. I never thought it would happen, that I could feel healthy and whole enough to let love be a part of my life again!
                          blessing,
                          Lisa
                          Pond. AF 9/3/10

                          ~Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you~

                          Comment

                            #14
                            starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                            Your right ponderosa, when it comes to love it can be all blind so better of taking it one day at a time,Personally don't see nothing wrong at all with online dating as you have said you can check them out with out checking them out :-)


                            :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                            Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                            I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                            This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              starting to date... what to say about not drinking?

                              Ponderosa, the nice thing about getting sober and being single is that you DO have the opportunity to decide in advance what role, if any, you want alcohol to play in your next relationship - and only date people who meet that profile. That is a nice way to minimize some heart break.

                              DG
                              Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                              Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                              One day at a time.

                              Comment

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