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I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

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    #1

    I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

    things I hate about drinking

    - i refuse to go on facebook or email or call or talk to anyone on the phone in the evenings.. for fear i will do or say something stupid
    -waking up at 330 every night in a panic wondering what i did and if there is any wine left from the night before.. only to discover there is none, i drank it all..
    -wondering when the liquor store opens so i can refresh my daily supply
    -being constantly broke... I spend the kids money, I even emptied my little guys piggy bank so i could buy booze. how nice is that... and i have stolen money out of their wallet and hid it so they think the wallet is "lost"
    - i am an insensitive bitch when i'm drunk or hungover (which is always)
    - i fall down allot now. never used to .. had a bump on my head that lasted 2 weeks...
    - the house is a mess because when i drink i dont' care..
    - kids go for days without a bath
    - waking up and cannot rememeber how or when I got to bed
    - looking in the mirror at some fat washed out, ugly woman that i don't recognize and i hate her
    - thinking of booze constantly.. when where how much.. trying to buy a little but only to end up back at the store a few hours later for more...
    - i stopped drinking hard liquor (vodka) but only doubled the amount of beer and wine i drink..
    - i drink from the moment i wake up till i pass out at night.. there is not time off.. 5am 330am doesn't seem to matter.
    -i constantly worry about my health but then i drink and i dont' care
    -i drink and drive.. have a coffee cup in the cup holder that I pour wine or cider into while driving. i am sure its only a matter of time till i get caught or kill someone
    -and the diareah .. so sick of having diareah, sick of not caring if i have showered, sick of not caring what i look like, sick of not looking in mirrors. i am only 45 and i feel and look like i'm 80
    -i am middle class in a nice suburban neighborhood.. great hsuband 2 perfect kids nice big house.. 2 cars, 2 motorcycles.. how did i get to this dark awful place in my life... i have everything but none of that matters only booze...

    it is a curse.. and I need it broken

    i am babbling but i needed to get it all out there ... no lies or pretending its not as bad as it is..

    caper..

    :argh:
    caper
    AF since Sept 2013...
    :alf:
    Tags: None
    #2
    I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

    Hi Caper, fellow Canadian here. I hear you and am so glad you decided to come on board and tackle this demon. I am not in the 'success' category as of yet but have learned so much in the few years I've been lurking. There are some awesome people here who can help you get started.

    Isn't it strange that what seems obvious to us in our sober (hungover) moments just doesn't cut it when witching hour comes along and the wine/beer/whatever calls us. Use every tool available and there are lots of them. You can BEAT this!! Many have.

    Good luck and keep posting !!

    Tips
    Tipplerette

    I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

    "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
    ? Lao-Tzu

    Comment

      #3
      I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

      EH! (The Canadian equivalent to AMEN).
      You're in good (or bad?) company, Caper and Tipplerette. Much strength and determination to all of us.
      Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

      Winning since October 24th, 2013

      Comment

        #4
        I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

        Caper, that's a very moving post. Re-read it, all day long. IMHO, you're at a place where you really need to get professional help, before you or someone else is injured or killed. I've done many of the things you posted. You are not alone. And you CAN recover. You feel like AL is your whole life, don't you. Yet you know it isn't. I broke bones, had concussions, was arrested, drove with my most precious treasures strapped into their car seats in the back. I am religious, and I believe God gave me the gift of never hurting anyone else, physically. But if you don't get help, now, you can lose everything, or be in a position where you can't drink even if you want - in jail.
        I do NOT judge or condemn you. I was you. It sounds like you have the resources to get in-house treatment somewhere. Please do. It changed my life, that and MWO. Keep posting, please.
        Ruby
        sigpic
        Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
        awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

        Comment

          #5
          I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

          Hi Caper,

          Making the same mistakes over & over does seem like insanity, doesn't it?
          You can put a stop all of it right now ~ if you really want to with a firm commitment & a good plan. I did so I know you can as well!

          Visit the https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html, grab whatever tools you need & put a solid plan together for yourself. If you don't already have them get the Hypno CDs. I swear they changed my thinking & that was a true blessing

          I got so tired of disappointing myself & knew things had to change for me. You can make it happen too

          Wishing you the best!

          lav
          AF since 03/26/09
          NF since 05/19/09
          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

          Comment

            #6
            I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

            sunshine_gg;1179550 wrote: EH! (The Canadian equivalent to AMEN).
            You're in good (or bad?) company, Caper and Tipplerette. Much strength and determination to all of us.
            Hi Caper, Tipperlette and GG--perhaps we should start a daily Canadian thread, eh? MWO have the Army, Aussie's and US Jammers, may be time for a Canuck thread?
            Psalms 119:45


            ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

            St. Francis of Assisi



            I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

            :rays:

            Comment

              #7
              I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

              I'm up for it!!! Hey there RC
              Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

              Winning since October 24th, 2013

              Comment

                #8
                I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                Lavande, I loved the hypno cd's too. Changed my thinking!
                sigpic
                Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                Comment

                  #9
                  I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                  Right on GG! Let's rock this Canadian style. Brains, balls, beauty and braun. Ooo, I'm feeling cocky today. :H
                  Psalms 119:45


                  ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

                  St. Francis of Assisi



                  I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

                  :rays:

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                    RingingCedars;1179577 wrote: Right on GG! Let's rock this Canadian style. Brains, balls, beauty and braun. Ooo, I'm feeling cocky today. :H
                    Whaddaya mean... TODAY? :H
                    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

                    Winning since October 24th, 2013

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                      sunshine_gg;1179582 wrote: Whaddaya mean... TODAY? :H
                      See what I mean??:H
                      Psalms 119:45


                      ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

                      St. Francis of Assisi



                      I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

                      :rays:

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                        Caper, your post moved me. I am a *&(( idiot. I've been here nearly four years and made no progress. I pray that both of us will soon.
                        :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                          Hi Caper,
                          Boy can I relate to your post. Things CAN change! How are you doing? Please keep us posted...and please don't give up!
                          Hugs
                          :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

                          Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                            Hi caper, get your plan get your goals and with the support and help and advice from mwo you can get on the right road,Keep posting as your post rang so bells for me when i was drinking,this monster can be beaten.lots of people here who are certainly beating it,go for it.


                            :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                            Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                            I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                            This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I NEED TO STOP THE INSANITY...

                              Yes, I think we should have a Canuck thread. Caper, please hang in there. As Ruby says, maybe you can get access to treatment. Your comments about drinking and driving give me quivers. Please don't drink and drive.
                              Keep posting, there are wonderful people here to help you. None of us are perfect.
                              Don't worry, be happy!

                              Comment

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