The Canucks Co

[tawnyfrog]

The Canucks Co

Apfelkuchen fuer das Geburtstagskind?

[sunshine_gg]

The Canucks Co

Ohhhhh... I'll take it Tawny! :H

Mind you, I just pulled a cheese cake out of the oven

[RingingCedars]

The Canucks Co

sunshine_gg;1326999 wrote: Ohhhhh... I'll take it Tawny! :H

Mind you, I just pulled a cheese cake out of the oven

I'm truly threatening to come to your house. Tawny's pastries are enticing but home baked Canadian cheesecake within driving distance...hmmm

Best wishes GG! Sincere apologies for lacking in communication. :l

[RingingCedars]

The Canucks Co

Rain rain go away...although we needed it, could it not just do it nocturnally?? Major shredding day--feels a bit unproductive but must be done and will be liberating. Anyhoo-wishing you all a peaceful, blessed day. Shout outs to all....

[MWOLady]

The Canucks Co

Hi Everyone

Well it sure is quiet here is knucklessville this summer! :upset: I have not been here much because I've been drinking and stopping and drinking and stopping - and that keeps a gal busy!! :upset: But I think I've come to my senses. Phew!!! So back on the Topamax.

(Oh, by the way Sidney I have a good supply now from River Pharmacy and an address in NY that they mail to for me - let me know if I can help you there. I live in the Falls so I can drive over for pick up in minutes. And I'd be happy to shoot some up to Toronto for you if you need it.)

My sad story is that I have not committed to being abstinent as I know I must. So a glass here, two there and away I go. Then it's every night, and I'm back full time. What a sorry mess, and I just hate myself all over again. No excuse is a good excuse though as you all know, just the brain working through the old reward system. But if I keep feeding the system it will never end.

I've also been taking way too much Topamax way too soon and feeling like heck. So will have to back way off tomorrow. I'll start very slow with a low dose and stay on that for a few weeks before I up the dose. I had to drive for blocks to get where I was going today because I couldn't figure out where I was - on a route I drive daily!! Not good. I'm seeing spots floating before my eyes and my upper lip is twitching and I'm sleepy all the time too. Not a pretty sight :H All this so I won't drink!!

well I better get to bed. Hope to see some smiling faces here soon and find all is well with you lovely people :h Today is my DAY 1

[MWOLady]

The Canucks Co

Good Morning Canada and Elsewhere Too

Here in Falls land it's finally a little cooler after so many hot and humid days. We've actually got the windows open again which is nice.

I hope the quiet time here means that everyone is sooooooo busy in the garden, working out, lovin' up children/grandchildren, on vacation, having sizzling BBQs, lolling on the beach, getting a glowing tan, making vats of potato salad for picnics, baking squares for Church suppers, and generally out playing, that no one has time to sit inside and "compute".....

...for those of you who have fallen, well, like me get back on that darned wagon!!! For those who are hanging by a thread, hang on! For those who have lost interest, please come back to support the rest of us who need you so much for comfort and support - at least once in a while! For those who really are too busy, keep us in your thoughts and come back in the Fall!

Anyone who wants to gab, let's do it!!

Day two today for me. As anyone who knew me back when knows, Saturday is my worst day, Sunday is second worst day. DH will come home around 5 having been drinking beer most of the afternoon and I'll be sober :upset: This is a great stressor for me.

But my plan today is to get out a jigsaw puzzle and work on that in the late afternoon to keep me busy - I KNOW THIS IS LAME!!!! but it's all I can think of!!!! My house is clean already! I don't do crafts! I'm not much of a gardner and the mosquitos drive me inside. My friends are busy with family. So I kinda have to entertain myself. I can't just go out!!! Where the heck would I go at that time of day on a Saturday? A bar? :H:H:H

Anyway that's it for me - I'll be busy in another room when he's flopped on the couch with "the game" on the box, more booze on a glass, him getting glassy eyed and more silly by the minute - not hungry, while I'm starved!!!!! Oh what a pity party eh? I do have such a good life!!! But this ONE little part causes me such unhappiness!!!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY do I have this terrible sword hanging over my head? I hate it with a passion! Yet I go back to the bottle time after time after time.

Well, hey listen to me. Same old stuff. But must get my Shite together and get productive. Talk about baking squares for Church, I've got Church picnic tomorrow so have to find some that are fabulous but won't get all melty and squishy in the sun as it's outdoors. I think I'll do a "pie" instead. BIG dish of fruit like apple, plums, and berries baked with a pie crust just on top for scooping - sort of a summer pie. That should be good. And a summery salad of sweet grape tomatoes and baby boccacini pearls tossed feta dressing, maybe with some chopped sweet peppers in there too for more colour.

That's all the ramble from me!!!

[MWOLady]

The Canucks Co

Almost time for bed here in Fallsville. For those who have been wondering, no, they don't turn off the water at night....

Today is day two for me and I actually drove to the store after dinner tonight! What a thrill!! Can't do that with drinkie-poo in the system now can we? But sober? Yes we can! Boy it felt great. What a life I lead eh? But I'll take it.

I baked a blueberry, raspberry, blackberry/plum/peach/apple pie this afternoon and boy that was labour intensive. But took my mind off how pissed off I was at The Mr. But he was fairly standupish when he got home - and handed me a bottle of Merlot!!!!

I have not mentioned to him that I'm off the booze - yet again!! I don't usually involve him because I don't want to look like a fool when I go back on. Better to keep this to myself. I will feel much more secure when I have some days/weeks/months under my feet. After a few days, sad to say, he will stop noticing. So the Merlot when down cellar to be saved for a guest night.

Poor man to be married to a crazy woman like me...he's a saint I tell ya.

[sunshine_gg]

The Canucks Co

Alright alright, I'll save ya from yerself :H

Sorry, I've just been abuzzing with work and gardens and barns and horses and grand kids, and, and and... Lemme tell ya, though... I had the 8-month old here to babysit all weekend last weekend.. and MAN! I do not know how women can possibly have kids at 45 or whatnot... I was pooped beyond belief. This getting up during the night stuff isn't for me anymore.

I'm glad you're back on board, Lady... kudos for pulling yourself up. We've all been there and for some of us it just takes as many tries as it takes :l

Ok, that's it for tonight... I feel like crap, sore throat, cold (yes, I said cold)... I'm heading to bed Night night!

[sunshine_gg]

The Canucks Co

Ohhh.. and Nicey!! Thank you for the b-day wishes :l And Techie, too and Froglet's Apfeltorte would really hit the spot right now. I don't suppose, there's any left??? :H

[RingingCedars]

The Canucks Co

sunshine_gg;1339766 wrote: Ohhh.. and Nicey!! Thank you for the b-day wishes :l And Techie, too and Froglet's Apfeltorte would really hit the spot right now. I don't suppose, there's any left??? :H

You had cheesecake if I remember correctly.
Is it safe for me to post here?

[NoraC]

The Canucks Co

Hey Canucks!! How's everyone??

RC - Where have you been? Missing you on One Step at a Time. Hope you come back over to join us. Hope everyone does actually.

[MWOLady]

The Canucks Co

Thanks gg, I could go on and on and on, so thanks for the STOP!!! And Happy Birthday! I had one just recently too. We have not had our celebratory dinner yet but soon. Wish I were as busy as you! But don't envy you the baby stuff as I know it's exhausting...

The pie I laboured over so long yesterday turned out lousy!!!! Thank heaven I decided it might be a tad runny and that I'd better make a surgical incision to see - it's runny as heck, and sour to boot! I did put in a flour and sugar mix to sweeten and thicken but obviously not nearly enough. So The Mr. and I will be eating sour runny pie for the foreseeable future, and the Church folks will have to do without!!! At least we can dump some whipped cream on top and eat it with a spoon out of bowls - who cares here at home!!

But I've got a beautiful salad to take as well so maybe they won't remember that I signed on to bring the pie too...oh well these things happen to keep us humble (humble pie?). Just the way my weekend is going anyway.

See everyone soon I hope.

[MWOLady]

The Canucks Co

Well, I'll say it here because there's no one around and it's a bit more private (ha, ha) but after all I've been saying and supporting others on the board today, I drank tonight. But so be it. It just happened. The pattern is very strong. DH is not about to change and I just felt I'd do what he really wants to do. So go along even tho I know it's not right for me.

He's very passive aggressive like most men, I think. He never fights with me but just puts up a wall and I butt my head against it until I give in. Just like the good little child of alcoholics that I am. I had such plans of no movies every night, no wine every night while we got dinner ready then more while we watched the movie. Well he ordered more movies today. So he's just not getting this. And I don't seem to want to make plans for myself. To my mind that's not what wives do - we're supposed to please our husbands and help them enjoy themselves.

So I have some thinking to do. I've had to stop the Topamax because of all the side effects but took .50 tonight - just have to do something. So full court press tomorrow = Topa again, Kudzu, L-Glut, lots of water and keep eating the way I know I should.

Maybe just keep plugging along and trying over and over until it sticks. After all I did have three months in the early spring...ever hopeful!!

Do I really want this? I sure as hell know I don't want to take the Topamax again because it makes me really messed up!! But it does work so I guess it's worth it for 30 days. I'll try to dose up slowly and take .50 at night which may help.

Tomorrow night will be fine because I go to Mass at 7pm and won't drink before Mass, but Saturday and Sunday are horrible days for me and would be a real tester!!!! But we'll see how that goes!!! Off to early bed and hope all is well tomorrow.

[stirly-girly]

The Canucks Co

Just wanted to wish all the Canucks here a very, very, happy



Sorry that I haven't been around lately and I really do need to post here on a regular basis. I hope that you are all well and enjoying celebrating our beautiful country's birthday.

Again,

to you all!!

[believer]

The Canucks Co

Happy Canada Day to all!

Thanks for reminding us that we live in a wonderful country.