getting kicked out

[Accountable for Me]

getting kicked out

Becca - Big Hugs!

I know we never had corresponded, but I am wanting to send you BIG HUGS :l :l :l :l your way.

No matter what you may have done, don't let his words beat you down! You are a person with rights and one that deserves love and respect.

Please consult with a legal professional before agreeing with anything he has suggested because, you are in a very emtional state at the moment and probably cannot think clearly or rationally.

He cannot forbid you seeing your children over the holidays either.

Thinking of you!

[wwbarb]

getting kicked out

Becca, sweetie, flirting is not a sin! Honestly you need to stop beating yourself up right now. It sounds like it was a self-survival mechanism to me.

No one is judging you, or at least I hope they are not. None of us are in a position to know what you are going through no matter what you did or didn't do. Flirting is not cheating. Right now I am trying really hard not to judge your husband or any of the other members of his family who have "uninvited" you to the holiday festivities. Get on a plane a come to Arizona - join my disfunctional but fun family.

You take care of yourself and know that you have love pouring at you from all over the world. Let's show it folks.:h

[weemelonhead]

getting kicked out

Becca sweetie....if this is the only way out, then I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you...I'm sorry to hear about your exclusion from all the holiday stuff, it must feel as though a snowball the size of The Eiffel Tower is forming and rolling madly with you in the middle of it...All this upheaval would be a hard load for anyone at a 'normal' time of year, but the holidays add so many extra burdens which you can WELL do without right now......I hope you can settle quickly, and second Paulas post re: the protected feelings......

Not much help, but here anyway..................melon xoxo

[C]

getting kicked out

OMG Becca..I am shaking..I feel so bad...can imagine your pain..Lord -...Jenneh and wwBarb are right. The reason you were talking to other men is becuase we all need to feel loved and special and your husband has not been doing that. In fact, evidetnly he has been making your life hell. Stand up for your self Becca. Stand up. I know you feel shatterred and quilty as hell. As soon as you heal up a bit, stand up for yourself. You did nothing wrong!!!!! It actually is his fault -- that you went elsewhere for some support and affection.

This is what I believe. I did it once myself. Took me years to get over the quilt and now I realize for sure what is was all about. Your husband caused it -- damn it.

And Becca, honey, of course your children want to be with you on Christmas. I forget who is there now, I guess your inlaws. Damn. Damn. Damn.

You have rights Becca, Jenneh is right, do not give up anything!!!!! You must stand up for yourself....for yourself and for your boys.... when you are ready.

I will be praying like mad for you Becca. Wish I coudl help more.
Love, C

I wish you ocould find a way to go back home. I'm sorry he shoudl be the one to leave -- but I know -- he won't --mine would never --what about just move back into another bedroom.

[wwbarb]

getting kicked out

One more thing for your kids sake. So many people stay together for the kids. My parents divorced and I remember it being the happiest day of my life. It was also one of the best days for my kids when I took them out of our disfunctional home - I really should say house. It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.

I have a very similar story that I would like to share with you, but I don't want to bore you with it right now. You are overwhelmed with guilt right now. I hope you keep hearing us say that you have nothing to feel guilty about and really own that statement because it is true. It took me many years to believe it myself, but I want you to keep telling yourself that.

Just because he says something does not make it true. He only has control of the situation if you give it to him.

Hang tough - you are stronger than you think!!

[InnerStrength]

getting kicked out

Bec
I think you would be surprised by how many of us (and I could be assuming here, so just in case, I will say how many people I KNOW) have done something like you did. It's flirting!!! My God, if people's marraiges ended every time one of them flirted with someone else, very few marriages would survive!! We all know you didnt do it to hurt him. You were looking for something. And he should be asking himself what it was you needed and why. And f*** him for saying no one wants to see you. That's bullsh**. I can imagine two little boys want nothing more than to see their mother at Christmas.
I love you bec. Stay strong, and please dont let him try to take you down. But do it when ready.
Love jen

[lushy]

getting kicked out

I also want to add that if he did the same flirting thing as you did then do NOT let him hold this over your head. From what I have gleaned from our conversations in chat he is a very controlling person who gets something out of belittling you. He drinks, but you can't. He can flirt with someone else but you get kicked out of the house over it? Like Jen said total bullshit. I am sure there is a much longer story and history involved in your relationship but on the surface it sounds very lopsided.

Fight for your kids, and for your house. Do not walk away Becca. And Accountable is also right. No one can forbid you from seeing your kids and I hope that was just said out anger on his part because the only ones damaged would be the kids. Let us know how you are doing.

[lorisunshine]

getting kicked out

Hi Becca,
Let me start by saying: "What's good for the Gander is also good for the Goose". Of all the cruel, controlling bastardly sons-of..... He is controlling you by using your love for the kids like dangling a carrot in front of a donkey. Anybody capable of separating a mother from her kids at Christmas time, does not have the kids best interest at heart. He gets his jollies by belittling you, o boy, he must be very insecure, if he kicks you out for flirting with another guy. What would his action have been, if you had actually gone further with that. Would he have beat you first?
Becca, you are strong. Do not allow that bully to deprive you of your kids at this time of year or any time for that matter. OMG, I am so mad I could just spit. You are a wonderful and caring person. There is obviously a big hole in your sole that you were trying to fill. Sorry, you did nothing wrong. The shoe was on the other foot a little while ago, wasn't it and what did you do? Did you kick him out.
Be strong and I wish I could do more for you.
Love Lori.

[Saint Jude]

getting kicked out

well said Lori
Ditto

[happycamper68]

getting kicked out

CALL ME!!!

Bec please call me. I cannot believe this.

The legal advice is good bec, he could get you on abandonment and you could lose them. And I am CERTAIN your children want to see you for Xmas. Take a day and mull this over but be careful, don't do anything rash. It could affect your future and the kids.

[Beaches]

getting kicked out

Hi Becca,
What an awful time of year to have to deal with this. Stand up for those kids and fight. He's probably just telling you they don't want to see you for another way of control. I agree that this is not the kind of man you want around anymore..he's stealing your energy, he's trying to steal your soul.
Once you have had some time to process, get the lawyers involved. Don't let him manipulate you anymore.
HUGS

[Beaches]

getting kicked out

It is also quite possible that in light of his reaction to simple flirting he most likely has been doing something behind your back even worse.
Flirting is not bad..he way overreacted. Guilty conscious??

[Newyear]

getting kicked out

Becca - Just read all this and I'm so sorry. I don't know you well, I know, but you are a sweet and lovely person and I hate this for you. I would love to lash out and say things about your husband right now but I'll try not to.
I hope you get support and get some very good legal advice too - lots of good advice given here. Do not do anything out of feeling guilty. No reason to feel guilty. Hope you take care of yourself - glad to know you are not alone. Again- so sorry about all this. And of course your kids would want to be with you! Terrible timing.

:l
Lisa

[Hawk]

getting kicked out

Becca -

I am just catching up on todays events. I am terribly sorry this is happening to you. I do wish I could do something to help or offer a comforting word. You are one of the strongest people I know here (believe that!) and one of the sweetest as well. You deserve SO much better than what you have been getting and certainly more than what has happened today. Don't believe for a minute your kids do not want you around. Fight for you and fight for your kids. They deserve to be with a positive, honest good hearted person. You are loved and you are worth it. I'll be thinking of you -

Hawk.:h

[C]

getting kicked out

Oh Lord Bec, You have so much to absorb and think about. I don;t want to add to the crisis -- But in my gut, one of first things that I thought of, is why in the world is he doing this? Very possible reason, Bec, is that he wants out & is putting it all on you. Why? He himself may be having a real affair. It is possible.

Hold your head up. Grit your teeth. Turn your chin upward. And stand up. You have nothing to be ashamed of Listen, even if it was more than flirting, it does not matter!!.

I'm old Bec. Have known a lot of people. And you are one of the best. And you are a fighter. You know I don't just say things to please. So damn, your gonna have to do battle here too. Damn, I wish it weren't so.

Rely on your close friends Bec-- Allie, Happy, lucky, pansy, others that you have. I do believe they can help you. They are strong bright women. Stand up dear Becca.