getting kicked out

[C]

getting kicked out

PS -- oh just read "Not Powerless" posts. Guess we were thinking the same things. Wow - Not Powerless said it succinctly. Nailed it. It really hangs to gether for me.

Free Hugs Becca Free Hugs,
Love, Jeanne

[I Like Brandy]

getting kicked out

Fan;

Your post brought tears to my eyes! I applaud everthing you said!


Brandy

[Helensback]

getting kicked out

Hey Becca

I lived in northern Alberta for a time.
It was grizzly bear country.
Mother grizzlies function on instinct and survival. Not a lot of thought goes into her reaction to a threat put between her and her cubs, but she gets the job done.

Luckily (or not), we're human and we can think about our strategy.
So Becca, give yourself a bit to think about your stategy - excellent advice here - and then rip into the fight for those kids (and your home - if you want it).

And - when that little voice tells you that "you really should go. After all, you are the one with 'problems'" - REMEMBER - that little voice is HIS and not YOURS.

You'll find your voice Bec. And holy sh**, I wouln't want to be HIS sorry ass when you do.

Go well,

Helen

[Guest]

getting kicked out

it's me. omg you guys... the support. It's awesome.
Scott is NOT a bad guy. he is incredibly wonderful with the kids and would love me to be wonderful as well. I'm just..... you know.
thank you for all the msgs. I'll get a phone back soon! funny how if husband smashes it against the ceramic tile, it's ruined. dang.

[Suzanna]

getting kicked out

Becca, you don't know me, but I am worried about you too.

There is abuse of an emotional type, and there is also withholding of intimacy, and that is abusive as well. That's different than sex, btw. He's not been your best friend, and that's what our men should be for us. What I mean is, he's guilty, so don't let him snowball you into thinking you are the bad guy here. I'm sorry for all that you are going through, and really I'm not trying to be trite, if I come across that way, please forgive. Suz

[Guest]

getting kicked out

this little liquid

I am sorry for all that you are going through. Call me if you can.

It is hard to not just jump in on the side of my friend, but truthfully I don’t think that either party is entirely to blame for this. It is so easy to get caught up in he did, she did—and not look at what came in and actually caused the problem.

In relationships alcohol comes in and weaves itself under the guise of “fun”. This can last for years and become ingrained in how you two do things and communicate. Then it will silently break down your communication and intimacy. It wants it this way, it wants you all to itself—it depends on you to feed it and does not want anyone to get in its way. Both parties begin to feel the separation and usually one drowns it with alcohol and the other is hurt and angry. As this continues it then comes in to take away your self respect and self esteem—making you weaker to fight against it, the other more hurt and angry---and it all happens slowly. As all this continues it causes people to do things that are out of character to fill the hole that alcohol is leaving inside of them. Alcohol doesn’t just cause the holes in the person drinking it—it causes it inside of everyone within your family unit—just at different degrees. It hurts you, your husband and your kids. But yet it waives its false magic at you so that you blame everything except it-especially yourself. It makes you believe life will be miserable without it. It tells its lies so that you will keep wanting and consuming it.

Alcohol destroys lives and the families within those lives—everyone is affected whether you see it on the surface or not. From the times we have spoken I don’t think that Scott is controlling—I think he is angry and hurt. You are the person that it seems logical to blame—but you are not and neither is he. It is that alcohol has weaved its silent destruction—and that is what he and you should be pissed at.

As for this “flirting” business on both sides, I hope that you can see it for what it is. Your self esteem is shot and you were looking for something outside of yourself to repair it; just as he did. Because Scott may not have been as supportive and encouraging to you has nothing to with it either. He is still filled with anger and hurt—and people act badly in those states. Even if you guys do get a divorce you will still get to take that rotten self esteem with you. Self esteem and happiness comes from the inside out—not the other way around. Expecting other people or things to do it for us is one of those lies that alcohol tells you.

This little liquid has caused all of this. Stop blaming yourself. Stop blaming Scott. Just stopping drinking will not fix everything, because everything it destroyed in its path need repaired and you need to start with yourself. Learning to truly love yourself again…it takes time…but it does and can happen…you know my story girl!

I love you—be gentle with yourself.

Kim

[stollies1]

getting kicked out

Hi Becca,
I dont know you very well but I have read you a lot....
I read Ally's discription of your relationship and your husband just smacks of a manipulative controlling creep.I have been with one of them.Not now, thank Goodness.Whether you text message a bloke (GUY) or casually glanced at one in the street,the result would be the same.
He would have been looking for any excuse to make your life a misery at this time of the year.
No wonder you were flirting with another man.Its natural to want to feel attractive and interesting to another person and your partner is giving you nothing but negativity and ridicule.I hope I'm not stepping out of line saying these things,as I dont know you personally, but having been with someone that made me feel so bad I was pushed even further into the bottle, I tend to get quite passionate about it.
Just try to be strong and see what he's doing to you as his choices, not your fault.
I hope everything works out for you and my thoughts and good wishes are with you.
Victoria xoxoxox

[Guest]

getting kicked out

kim., thanks. I'm dying over here. you can't even call cuz he smashed my phone. I am so alone.

[I Like Brandy]

getting kicked out

Bec;

I was looking over the board earlier, but I wasn't really paying attention.

I am so sorry you're going through this. Have you had a chance to talk to the kids?

HAS HUBBY LOST HIS EVER LOVING %$#@ BRAINS?

Lil sis,

You know you have a place here! I read the posts about your cell phone. Even though your phone is smashed, can you still call into your voice mail to get your messages? I'll leave you a short voice mail, I hope you get it. I'm very worried about you! I'll be sure to leave my home and cell numbers on my message.

Love and hugs,
Brandy

[Guest]

getting kicked out

pm

PM a number that you can be reached at and I will call you.

[I Like Brandy]

getting kicked out

Bec;

I just left you a message. I hope where you are staying you can call into your voice mail from any phone and retrieve your messages!

I'm worried about you!

Brandy

[irishlady]

getting kicked out

Becca, I am so so sorry for your plight now, especially at this time of year....Please hold fast to your beliefs in yourself, YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON....YOU WILL COME THROUGH THIS AND BECOME EVEN STRONGER.

Louise xxxx

[eustacia]

getting kicked out

Becca, dear--

So many here have given you good advice; hence, the little that I have to add is to do what you can to get inwardly quiet. Breathe. And then think of this: you did nothing wrong. You are in a withholding marriage (unfortunately, I know all about them). You mean the world to your children. If you were to leave them with a man as manipulative and angry as your husband he will turn his anger on them in one form or another. It's not going to dissipate with you out of the picture because there is no way that your presence or deeds "made your husband" so sour and hurtful.

Here, I'll just reiterate some important things that others have said. If you are truly going to leave, let a good marital lawyer represent your needs. Secondly, somewhat parallel to what Fan wrote, as beastly as your husband's behavior has been to you, try not to put your hurt and anger between your kids and their father. He shouldn't try to drive a wedge between the kids and you, either, but that is mostly beyond your control.

Hang strong, Becca, our proud, brave runner.

:heart: E

[C]

getting kicked out

"Scott is NOT a bad guy. he is incredibly wonderful with the kids and would love me to be wonderful as well..."

BECCA..listen up. Yes, I am sure he is not a "bad" guy & wonderful with the kids. That does not mean that he does not have serious problems that lead to controlling you and that does not mean that he is a good mate.

Also, sorry, I do not agree with Kim ..it is not all due to the "liquid". The baggage and old programming is just now all coming out into the light.

BECCA, my daughter a young lawyer, is all about women. She has taught me so much about emotional abuse. THAT is what you really are dealing with here. YOU are WONDERFUL ...he just made you feel differently.

You may choose in the end to live with it. But please see it in the light.

Are you saying that you are not wonderful with your children??? Think Becca -- that is not possible.

I know we have overloaded you. I am sorry about that. Luv, C

[bestlifeldms]

getting kicked out

Whoaaa!

Becca, on the custody thing! Go see a lawyer!!!!! Be very carefyl about what you are doing right now. Don't do anything! Don't sign anything! Don't do the "Same Lawyer thing"-right off the bat! Trust me, been there, done that. Fan, where are you?

Just hang tight, honey. Don't do anything until you have some legal council. Don't let him place a big guilt thing on you.

It will be better. Just don't surrender everthing. He is stong-arming you. It sounds like.

Sorry, not here alot but, just ticks me off when this happens.

Love, Hugs, Support! Come live with me, if you need to. Just don't be taken advantage of!

Love to you. This sucks! Christmas! What the heck is going on?

Crap! Sorry!

Love and hugs to you! :l

Love,

Best