This is for all that are wondering about me

[jennyneric]

I said some stuff on the abs thread that was considered inappropriate. I'm sorry. I guess I was trying to find a group to fit in with. I'm not a moder, I'm not a newbie, I'm can't be in the army due to the time difference, I'm not doing much exercise at the moment so I can't be in the exercise thread. So thank you to everyone. Maybe someone should consider starting a thread for 30 somethings that are just trying to figure this whole AL thing out. We are generation X and I think the veterans of this sight mostly are abit to conservative for me, or to even understand me.

So I will go, away from the abs thread, maybe away from here, I don't know.

Please no haters posting on here. I don't need a reply, I just want to calm the fears of anyone who didn't know if I would be OK, believe me I have suffered alot more hardships than virtual people thinking I am inappropriate. I will go the way of Bridget I suppose.

Also to everyone worried that I was "just getting my s@*t together. I've had my s**t together for a long time. I have had a husband for 18 years and I have 2 kids 12 and 15 that we have raised and they are good kids. I have a wonderful job with financial stability and am in school because I am seeking knowledge and to have an experience I have never had. I have always been fine. I have never drank in the morning and I have never lost a person or been in trouble with the law over alcohol. I have only been drinking for a year and a half in a non normal way. For the last 6 months I only drink 3-7 days a month. I am not "out of control" by any stretch of the imagination. So, as you can see, I will be fine. I am fine, I was fine. Thank you for your concern, don't mean to sound "snarky".

Rest assured I will not be drinking over this! I am better and healthier than that!

Good Day.:goodjob:

[Doggygirl]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Jenny, I hope you find what you are looking for with (or without) AL. Substance Dependence knows no boundaries. It doesn't care how long you've been married, how fabulous your kids are, or how much $$ you have in the bank. None of those wonderful things of life are a defense against AL.

I totally understand being financially successful with a good job, etc. in ones 30's. I was there. And you know what? AL had me suicidal by the time I was in my 40's. And it was in my 30's when I started to have some of the problems with AL that you have had. The occassional times of "over doing it" and reeling with embarrassment. The odd REALLY REALLY bad night where I wish I never had to see those people again. But my job wasn't threatened and I was able to kid myself.

Maybe that's NOT where you are heading. I just don't want you to feel like there is nobody here who understands you, because I don't think that's true. I definitely feel like I understand you. Heck, if you would have been born about 20 years earlier and we were both 30's like when I was 30's, I would be trying to draw you in as my best friend (and drinking buddy) in the whole wide world. We would be taking jaw dropping risks together. And hopefully we would get to the other side without any life altering consequences.

I hope it all works out for you. If you ever need to reach out, I am here as a sober friend.

DG

[red67]

This is for all that are wondering about me

I totally understand what you are saying Jenny because I was the same in my mid thirties. I have always taken care of myself, made tons of money, never got in trouble with the law, and did not drink in the morning. But if I could have seen what my initial problem with alcohol was going to become I would have done anything to stop back then. I knew something was wrong but it was affecting nothing in my life (so I told myself back then). It can be a slippery slope and you can't see the damage until years later. My drinking never took anything away from me except the years I wasted getting drunk (especially the last 5 years). No one ever thinks their drinking is a huge problem in the beginning, we all start out thinking something may be wrong about how we drink but we don't usually do anything about it until years later when no matter what we have, we feel empty. Alcohol abuse robs us of time and our soul, piece by piece. We don't usually recognize this until the hole seems to deep to climb out of.


I truly hope you don't go down this path because it is a lonely journey we don't know we are on until the black hole consumes us.

I spent many years in denial because of everything I had in my life. I spent the last 4 years trying to get the devil out of my life and my happiness back. I have been sober 6 months now....not one day do I regret never having a drink again. Time and happiness are the most important and drinking takes them both away...from me anyway.

Remember that you found this site for a reason. You must have thought at some level you had a problem with drinking. Maybe you will be one of the lucky ones that will find a way to control your drinking. First and foremost you need to be honest with yourself and if you think, or thought, you have a problem you should really trust your instincts. Alcohol will lie to you over and over again until you are a slave to it....no one ever thinks it will happen to them. I have no horror stories about what it did to me or took from me. Except it robbed of ten years of my life and left me empty.....that's enough of a horror to me to never want it in my life again.


Sorry to ramble. I just could totally see myself in what you wrote...that is myself 8 to 9 years ago. Don't let it steal your time or soul.


Best wishes to you and I wish you would stick around here. It can help at whatever level you are at maybe, just maybe, you will never get to where we went.

[Cinders]

This is for all that are wondering about me

All the above who have responded, Jenny, are simply telling you the truth.

I have been married 36+ years, I make a six figure income, I live in a very nice home and my consumption of AL has made my life miserable.

I have five incredibly beautiful grandchildren who are afraid to be with me because they never know when Granny is going to be whacko.

I am killing my 87 year old parents because they are watching me die from this "condition."

By many standards, I am doing well.

By my standards, I am and have failed miserably.

Do not give up on trying to get better, Jenny. No one here would want that.

I want all of us to get better. Better is not easy. A hard row to hoe but one that can be done.

Fair? No. Life. Yes.

Cindi

[Marshy]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Hi Jenny,

I don't suppose any of us who ended up drinking in the mornings (like me) or who got in trouble with the law or ended up in hospital etc started out that way. I didn't hit the ground running, drinking when I got up in the morning. I started out drinking in a "non-normal way" too.

It is something that creeps up on you, and often seems to really get into gear in our 30s. But, as Red said, it's something that you look back on years later and wonder how you got into such a mess and where the time went.

And a lot of us here have the great job and home life. Addiction is indiscriminate, as DG said.

I hope you find what you're looking for. How about starting that thread about trying to figure out where you are with alcohol and where you want to be? I'm sure you'll find people in the same boat to discuss things with.

[Cinders]

This is for all that are wondering about me

A very kind and thoughtful post, Marshy.

Yes. I never woke up one day and said, "Hmm, I want to be an alcoholic."

[greeneyes]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Jenny some sage advice is being given here. Advice from the heart and from experience. Please don't dismiss us as no more than virtual people. I believe that engery transcends time and space and whether you know what our physical attributes are or what our voices sound like, or how it feels to hold our hand, by thinking of you and wanting the best for you, we send energy to you with kindness from a place in our heart.

You ARE a fine person. You ARE successful, bright, energetic, fun-loving, giving, and kind.... Alcohol doesn't serve you well in nourishing those parts of you. There is a stark contrast between your posts when you are AF and when you have had an unfortunate AL related experience. You shine with joy and exuberance when you are AF. I'd love to see you maintain that - you have the ability to be so, so much more than simply "fine". AL stands in your way. Perhaps it's in your blind spot.

And if you want AL to be in your life in a manner that you are comfortable with, I hope that you can achieve that. And that you can achieve it without any sacrifice of your potential.

[LVT25]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Hello Jenny,

You might not want to hear this, but I agree with the others. One of the problems with AL is it causes us to be defensive and protective of our "little problem". I've been there-done that. I've seen it happen here at MWO numerous times. I wasn't able to quit drinking for good until I got honest with myself--truly honest. I had to see it for what it was and admit it out loud--I cannot control this--it is controlling me! Who wants to be controlled by anything???

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. Sometimes the daily Ab's people take a chance and use some tough love to help those we care about. Sometimes it works--many times not at first but hopefully later on. No one means to be haters. It feels that way because the alcohol tells us to keep our guard up.

Please go back and read what Greenie said above. You are all of those things. I remember too how happy and joyful and energetic you sounded awhile back.

I wish only the best for you, please consider what has been said here and give MWO a chance to help you be the person you WANT to be.

Best wishes to you.:h

[RingingCedars]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Jenny I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I hear a fair bit of pride and anger in your post which as LVT pointed out is an indicative of being defensive and protective of one's self. I am not here (or anyone else) to tell you if you should quit or moderate your drinking. That is your decision alone. I agree you need to find the right place for support but that may be difficult if you haven't really decided what support you need.

I myself have yet to make any concrete decisions. I do know that I would not post in the abs section out of respect for the tight circle of folks firmly committed to abs. They need that fortress of support and I respect that. I admit that I've spent more time reading there in the last month simply to learn from their experience but will not post there.

I think Greeneyes post says it best and I wish you the best in your journey as well. I really like the idea of starting your own thread. You can always pop into "I did not drink yesterday" to pat yourself on the back too!

[madmans]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Hi jenny

when i was 29 i signed myself into rehab , when i woke up the next day some what sober i signed myself out . A lot of what you said above i said to myself that day .
That was 10 years ago , it is only this last year that i have got my s**T together , i used every reason to convince myself i was fine.
You joined here around the same time as i did and we have seen lots of people come and go , i'm glad to see your still here and still trying .
Everyone is different but for me once i fully accepted i had to stop drinking and that drinking was not an option i turned a corner, easier said that done i know.
Sometimes it's easier for people on the outside (people here) to see the road we are going down that we can ourselves and nobody wants you to make the same mistakes as they did

[anon]

This is for all that are wondering about me

madmans;1180984 wrote: Hi jennny

when i was 29 i signed myself into rehab , when i woke up the next day some what sober i signed myself out . A lot of what you said above i said to myself that day .
That was 10 years ago , it is only this last year that i have got my s**T together , i used every reason to convince myself i was fine.
You joined here around the same time as i did and we have seen lots of people come and go , i'm glad to see your still here and still trying .
Everyone is different but for me once i fully accepted i had to stop drinking and that drinking was not an option i turned a corner, easier said that done i know.
Sometimes it's easier for people on the outside (people here) to see the road we are going down that we can ourselves and nobody wants you to make the same mistakes as they did

Here here

[Dewdrop]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Hi Jenny,

I?m truly sorry to read your post but I do think you have had some very reasonable, supportive and helpful replies. I guess it?s difficult to find a thread for yourself if you aren?t an abstainer, or a moderator, or a newbie ? I guess my question (and yours I think) would be what are you then?? I see you joined MWO nearly a year ago and have over a thousand posts so you are a bit of a veteran here and have had lots of experience and advice over the past year. However only you can decide which way to go from here, do you stay or do you go? At the end of the day it?s up to you, as is the choice whether to drink or not. I started on the Newbies threads for a few months until I then ventured into the AB?s monthly thread because I really needed their support and guidance and I have found a really amazing bunch of friends who have helped me along the way. I genuinely wouldn?t be where I am without the ongoing support of this site.

I hope you decide to stay and tackle you alcohol addiction (let?s face it we wouldn?t be on this site if we weren?t addicted), why not read back over your previous posts and see what they say to you ? it has always grounded me when I have done that.

I wish you well,

Dewdrop :h

[momof3]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Jenny,

I hope you can see from these posts that there are so many people who truly care for you.

I was struck by how you presented yourself in your post because you left out things about yourself that are indicative of someone who has a serious drinking problem, e.g., the broken ankle and the night that led up to it.

I am not saying this to be mean. Rather, I am bringing this up as an example of what this disease, addiction, or whatever you want to call it does to us. We "forget" about those horrible experiences that were a result of drinking and tell ourselves that "it's not all that bad." How much worse do the consequences of drinking have to get? How low do you want your "bottom" to be?

I would take Dewdrop up on her suggestion to go back and read your posts.

Much love to you,
M3

[Marshy]

This is for all that are wondering about me

Sheri;1181204 wrote: Hi Jenny,

I don't really post here anymore, but I did read the comments that were made to you yesterday and felt the virtual sting of some of the words that I know you must have felt too. No one likes to be reprimanded and ostracized in the public spotlight, or talked about in open forum for the world to see, and I can only imagine how hurtful that was for you under the circumstances. I've been so fortunate to have finally found freedom from AL, but there but for the grace of God go I, and I would hope that if I were struggling, I would still be welcome to post on the Abs thread as long as I still had a desire to be AF and was working toward that goal. I would also hope that if someone didn't want me posting on a particular thread anymore or thought that something I wrote was inappropriate that they would give me the benefit of the doubt and tell me in a much kinder and gentler way because they cared about my well being and respected me as a fellow human being on this sometimes very rocky road that we travel on. My heart goes out to you, and if there's any way I can help to support you, please feel free to PM me.

SheriSheri, I don't think it's very helpful to present people on the abs thread as the bad guys. This will confirm to Jenny that she's vindicated in thinking she's doing the right thing and the world is against her and nobody understands her (and we know where that leads).

This all started because Jenny was asked what she doing to try to be AF. Anyone is welcome on the abs thread if they are trying or struggling even if they are still drinking. Wanting to be AF is key. There's a history of people joining the abs thread who don't really want to be AF and then talk about drinking (and sometimes about how much they enjoy drinking and they want to keep alcohol in their lives). If that's what they want to do, that's fine, everyone is free to choose their own relationship with alcohol. But the abs thread, where for many people alcohol truly is a matter of life and death, is not the place to talk about moderating.

There are also people on the abs thread who are truly struggling and fighting the battle of their lives and having someone talk about their casual drinking and that they think it's fine to drink can be very damaging to the people who are really struggling, who maybe then think that it's ok for them to drink because someone else is talking about drinking being ok.

Yes, there can be a lot of *tough love* on the abs thread but we know what a serious business it is. And although it might be tough, the word love is also in that phrase.

As mom3 says
momof3;1181163 wrote:

I was struck by how you presented yourself in your post because you left out things about yourself that are indicative of someone who has a serious drinking problem, e.g., the broken ankle and the night that led up to it.

I hope Jenny figures out what she wants. And if she wants to be AF, she's extremely welcome on the abs thread as is anyone else who wants to be AF.

[Guitarista]

This is for all that are wondering about me

How are you going there Jenny?

Greg.