Getting a divorce

[Reenie]

Hi All: I haven't been on MWO in months. My husband and I seperated 4 months ago as a result of my alcoholism. We are signing off on our divorce paperwork tomorrow. I hate this disease. It destroyed my life and those around me. I was married for 10.5 years. My husband had enough. I don't blame him. He was a good husband. He took great care of me. Namely financially. Maybe not emotionally. I'm 46 years old and now live with my father. Since seperating from my husband, I hit the bottle hard. Has anyone lost their marriage as a result of drinking? I'm back on day 1 AF. I'm determined more than ever to get my life back on track. I've lost everything... My husband, my beautful home, family, job etc.... I recently got my driver's license back. Thats a blessing. Thanks for letting me vent.

[medic]

Getting a divorce

Reenie,

I'm sorry to read about your divorce. I have not lost my partner over my alcohol dependence but I have pretty much lost my family.

It's good that you have received your drivers license back though. Maybe a sign of things moving on for the better? Start as you mean to go on and learn from this event. You can get your life back in the form of a new improved one. You can do it.

Vent all you need to!

x
med+c

[Reenie]

Getting a divorce

Medic: I have to seriously work hard with getting my life on track. I value the fact that my husband and I will always remain friends. It's time I end my pitty party and look towards the future. I can't undo all the horrible things I've done.

[Doggygirl]

Getting a divorce

Awe Reenie. I'm so sorry to hear what happened. I think it is a huge step forward for you to accept your part of the responsibility for what happened, and now choose to move forward in your own life. You are so right - we cannot change the past. What we CAN do is the "next right thing" today. For me anyway, that always starts with a committment to myself and my loved ones that I will not drink AL today.

Together, we can do this. Let us know how we can support your efforts!

DG

[greeneyes]

Getting a divorce

Reenie, I'm very sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing. I did loose a husband. He left shortly after I quit drinking (and I stayed quit) but those circumstances are mine and yours are yours. While it was difficult at the time, ultimately it was for the best for me. Maybe you'll find that to be true for you too. I echo what doggygirl said; she was good about letting me know she was there during that time. We can do that for you too. Treat yourself with kindness, you deserve it. ODAT.

[Reenie]

Getting a divorce

Greeneyes: Thanks for your reply. My drinking definately brought my marriage down. I'm accountable for that. Yet, I have to remind myself that my husband wasn't really there for me emotionally. We lived a charmed life, beautiful house, boat, trips, etc... I never really felt in love. We enjoyed each other's company the first 5 years of our marriage because we were able to drink and socialize together. Once my drinking pattern changed, I no longer fit into his life style. I became a closet drinker. The last 5 years of our marriage actually felt like we were brother and sister. Our marriage wasn't one of companionship. We really didn't share any interests together. I was just contented to live comfortably and go about my own business. Until recenlty, I wasn't able to admit that. As stated before, it's time I stop self destructing. I pray for a better future and understand that it's going to take one day at a time.

[greeneyes]

Getting a divorce

Reenie, I found myself standing on the brink of that scary identity crisis you fear when you quit a very long drinking career. Who will I be without my pal AL? Will anyone still like me? Will I like me? And suddenly I was alone too. I leaned on friends I could see and touch and I leaned on my friends here and I realized like you, I had already been alone for a good little while. It is a big life experience and I feel like I got the most out of it by remaining sober. You can do this. :l

[medic]

Getting a divorce

Reenie,

it reads like his lack of emotional support contributed to your desire to drink. Learn from this because it is, for your own sake, your responsibility to make sure you get your needs met. You really need to make sure you don't make that same mistake again because it is so so easy to just dissociate and drink to numb our pain.

I know from experience that some people who supposedly love us fail to meet our needs when communication ceases. Love and intimacy shouldn't be work but sometimes it can be and when we adopt a passive position it comes across as consent for to be abused or used or taken for granted, etc.

I really hope you meet someone who gives you what you need without you having to request it too much.

x
m

[mama bear]

Getting a divorce

Awww Reenie...I am so sorry sweetie

[Reenie]

Getting a divorce

Thanks for all of your support and insight. I feel comforted knowing that I'm being understood.

[Guest]

Getting a divorce

I've never been married, but my drinking wrecked numerous relationships as well as leading me into relationships with completely unsuitable partners.

[Zeppie2]

Getting a divorce

Sorry to hear of your plight Reenie - not only does alcohol ruin the relationships we have it also prevents us from forming new ones. We are too busy with drinking that friends, family and lovers become an inconvenience.

It is good that you are still on speaking terms with your husband - dump alcohol and see what eventuates from there.
good luck

[Doggygirl]

Getting a divorce

Hi Reenie. Just a post to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you are having a good day. I too was at a 10AM AA meeting and I thought of you then. :l You are doing great - just keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what sort of shit is going on in my day, I know I can handle it a lot better AF. I know it will be like that for you too.

DG

[daisy45]

Getting a divorce

Reenie, hope things are going ok for you. Divorce is such an emotional thing to go through. Just letting you know I'm thinking of you.....

[Accountable for Me]

Getting a divorce

Awwww..... Reenie!! Hugs to you! xoxo

I lost the love of my life because I chose alcohol over him. Although I wasn't a daily or even a weekly drinker back then, he hated it when I drank. Didn't like the change in my personality when I drank. He gave me an ultimatum, and I didn't choose my marriage!! After we split I drank and drank and drank and have been battling this shitty disease since then.

I have also lost many 'potentially' great relationships with good men.

I have lost a relationship with my oldest daughter off and on over the years.

I have hooked up with unfit partners because they liked to drink, resulting in domestic abuse.

I have lost jobs back in the day.

I have lost my license before.

Made some very poor choices which got me into some trouble with the law.

Alcohol has done nothing - absolutely nothing good for me. Every single thing that I have any regrets about; alcohol has always been the one thing that was involved.

I almost lost my life in April from drinking lethal amounts where I ended up in the ER by ambulance and had NO recollection getting there.

I got breast cancer - was diagnosed in July. More than likely a result of my alcohol abuse. I had a mastectomy September 1. My life isn't even half over yet (I am 39).

UGH. Anyway, I just want you to know that alcohol is horrible. Life is so much better on the outside of the bottle. I just wanted to share with you the stuff that resulted from my alcohol abuse.

I hope you are OK. There is lots of light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you that. As embarrassing as my list of things are to me (but also a reminder to me why I refuse to drink anymore) I wanted to share with you that no matter what has happened to me; I survived and am pretty happy today as a result of giving that crap up.