Worried

[K9Lover]

Worried that I'm setting myself up to drink this weekend. Did not take my Antabuse this morning. I've been sober for over 6 months, and I hate that I still think drinking is a "reward" for something (what I think I'm rewarding myself for, I don't know). Think I better go home at lunch time and take my AB, and fight through whatever is messing up my thinking right now.

K9

[RingingCedars]

Worried

Hiya K9. Yep, get thee home and pop that pill. Next, you absolutely must learn what is up in your brain. By self admission you do not ever want to go back there....I hope someone can come along with some ideas....but glad you came and posted how you were thinking and planning.:l

[gotta stop]

Worried

Awww K9
I am sorry that the demon won't leave you be. I am proud of you though, for coming here and "talking" it out. It hopefully will pass and you will become even stronger. :l

[tonstantweader]

Worried

K9lover, Drinking is never a reward. All it does is bring back all the negative effects. We are so conditioned to think of drinking as a reward that it is hard to change our thinking and realize that being sober, clear-headed, and healthy is the real reward. You can live without alcohol forever. I know I plan to!

[sunshine_gg]

Worried

Good for you for coming here, K9 :l
Now go pop yer pill. I just did the same.

[stirly-girly]

Worried

Hi K9. :goodjob: on coming here and posting about how you're feeling. Unfortunately, most of us will have that "drinking thinking" as they call it for a long time, maybe forever. Some have it more often, some less. Sometimes it pops up when we least expect it. As for the "reward" thinking, I like to try to get my mind around it by telling myself this... alcohol is a poison, plain and simple. I wouldn't be rewarding myself by pouring a few glasses or a bottle of poison into my body. It would be taking away what I've worked so hard for. And another thing that might help is this - to go back over some of the bad things that you did when you were drinking. Like that time you drove to the ATM machine at night and the next day most of the money that you'd taken out was gone but you didn't remember what you'd done with it. I'm not trying to be mean in recalling that incident, I just want to remind you, as I remind myself, about what happens if I have a drink because I can never have just one. I got a really nasty black eye once when I was drinking. I haven't a clue how I got it. I must have fallen and hit my head just above the temple, on the foot of the bed. My head was tender when I got up the next morning and a bit swollen where I'd hit it. I ended up with a badly swollen and black eye for a week and the bruising went over the bridge of my nose and to my other eye. I cannon for the life of me remember what happened, not then or now but it is a reminder to me that I could have actually died the knock to my head had been just one inch lower.

So my hope for you is that you will take the Antabuse and stick with it since it has obviously worked for you all these months. And again, :goodjob: for coming here and posting your thoughts. How about you plan something special to do over the weekend either with your daughter or a friend that would be a reward. A massage, dinner out, pizza and a good DVD, a visit to a local zoo or museum, buy that new book or CD that you've been wanting. Something, anything, that would make you feel like you're treating yourself. Giving yourself a reward for staying AF. And please stick close to the boards. As you well know, you will get all the support you need and there is always someone here, day or night. Best of luck.

[sunshinedaisies]

Worried

Good for you coming here K9 - have you taken the pill yet - have ya? have ya? have ya?

Let us know....... :l:l

Sun XXXX

[DriftyAlison0]

Worried

Drinking's reward is a hangover and/or guilty feelings and sadness that you blew your quit.


Pop the pill and set yourself right. Don't worry about the weekend till it gets here and by then if you don't feel right, then don't go to the thing or cancel it.

[K9Lover]

Worried

Stirly -
THANK YOU for the reminder of one of my "drinking episodes"...yes I do remember that day I spent money on Lord knows what. I also remember another day where I fell in the shower and was bruised from head to toe for a whole WEEK. Ugh... Ok...I am going home in 30 minutes and will immediately take that little white pill. Thank you to everyone else for responding as well, I appreciate the encouragement!
Will check in later, and stay close to the boards this weekend!
K9

p.s. Anyone here watch Two and A Half Men? I am going to see it taped this Friday night...can't wait to see Ashton

[stirly-girly]

Worried

K9Lover;1183036 wrote: Stirly -
THANK YOU for the reminder of one of my "drinking episodes"...yes I do remember that day I spent money on Lord knows what. I also remember another day where I fell in the shower and was bruised from head to toe for a whole WEEK. Ugh... Ok...I am going home in 30 minutes and will immediately take that little white pill. Thank you to everyone else for responding as well, I appreciate the encouragement!
Will check in later, and stay close to the boards this weekend!
K9

p.s. Anyone here watch Two and A Half Men? I am going to see it taped this Friday night...can't wait to see Ashton

Yep, I remember the shower incident too and I'm glad that just those two reminders are enough to make you realize that the little white pill is what is keeping you where you need to be. Again, :goodjob: and :huggy

As for Two and A Half Men - we discovered it quite by accident. There were re-plays on during the summer months and it happened that they were on at the time we usually eat our main mean - about 4:30 to 5 p.m. I was hooked from the first episode. There were times when I laughed so hard that I was practically choking. I absolutely loved watching it and looked forward to seeing it every day. Unfortunately, now that the regular TV season is back, they no longer have it on and I am so disappointed. Sheen was great in his role but from what I've read, Kutcher's character will be worth watching. I haven't really seen him much on TV here except in a show he had where he'd play pranks on people but I have the impression that he will really pull this off. You must be thrilled to bits to be going to the taping. I think I've just turned bright :yukko: with envy. Seriously - hope you have a smashing time... Damn, I talk a lot....

[Doggygirl]

Worried

K9 - good for you going home to take that pill!! Much much better than opening the door for AL - by a land slide!

2.5 Men is my FAVORITE show. I can't imagine how it can possibly be as good with the change - but I will keep Tivoing until it's clear one way or the other. Wish we could have seen the nudie Ashton for real last week. :H

My favorite episode is the one where Charlie has been making as though he is gay with a "key industry contact" and then is invited to one of this guys parties. He talks Alan into posing as his gay date. OMG I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE!!!

Glad to be sober so I can watch a show - whether it's serious or completely entertainment like 2.5 men - and actually remember what happened.

DG

[Lavande]

Worried

K9 - glad you were able to think it all the way through today

Have you used the MWO CDs?
I honestly believe they helped change my thinking. I used to think of wine (lots of of wine) as a reward, something I deserve, a friend & companion, a shield, etc.
But I no longer think of it that way! I now know AL is none of those things ~ my thinking was all BS.
Just thought you may want to consider the CDs

[K9Lover]

Worried

Pill popped....crisis averted. For now anyway.
Thank you all for the support. Not sure why I was even considering it, I don't have anything planned for this weekend, no parties, no events or functions. Was just going to sit around at home (after packing my daughter off to her dads) and have a few (ok, 12 or 14) beers. Now I think I'll have my daughter stay home, and we'll hang out together...watch movies or go to the beach. Even if we don't do anything, at least she'll see her mom still sober.

Doggy & Stirly - I'm really looking forward to 2.5 Men, I saw it taped once already, and Charlie was such an A%& Hole, you could tell, just the way he interacted with the audience. I'm looking forward to seeing how Ashton acts, and yes, I'm hoping he's still running around in his birthday suit too. LOL

Lavande - I'll check out those CD's, sounds like they've really helped you.

Thanks again everyone, I'll be checking in more frequently!
K9

[techie]

Worried

Happy to hear Niner :h

[patrice]

Worried

Hi K9

I think your strength deserves a big up. Good for you and an inspiration for me

Patrice