Scott is a wonderful man, a fantastic father, and was trying his damdest to support me in the only way he knew how. Heck, he was trying. I ripped his heart out by looking elsewhere for support. He loves me very much and I love him. Very much.
Since yesterday, being away from him has been awful. I have been forced to take a hard look at myself. I was loving getting attention that made me feel good. It was incredibly selfish. I've been called a spoiled brat.(not by him, by someone else close to me). It's true. Being away from him and the reality smack that I have had to face today is awful. He gave me everything, and I let my addiction turn into a tool to harbor resentment against HIM for him just wanting to be a better person.
I'm an ugly drunk. Mean and ugly. My own mother tells me so. She is here right now, by the way.
Why did I let this website and another man pump me up so much and not turn to the person who had loved me? I think I felt the love was conditional. Only if I wasn't drinking and hurting him. But I have ruined family times by drinking too much. Now this. Aside from some lack of support in the spring when he had just had enough of me ruining good times, he has tried so hard. And I looked elsewhere. Maybe because I completely hadn't gotten over the hurt as well. I didn't let it go. Mad and confused about the goddam alcohol problem. I said bad things to him and about him. All fueled by alcohol. Stuff I don't even remember.
I miss my husband. It didn't take long to realize I want and need him in my life. Not long at all. I am done with self destructing and hurting everyone around me. I have to leave this website and I hope you all understand. I need to focus on winning my husband's love back. Whatever it takes. For as long as it takes. I can't live without him.
Scott, I love you. I was wrong and I am so sorry. I don't know what to do to make it up to you. I will try every day for the rest of my life.
I miss you already. I pray we can get through this and rekindle the flame we had when we first got together. Remember the passion? I want it back more than I can express.
Please forgive me. I have to go beg forgiveness from everyone I've hurt. It's going to be a process, but I will do it. Anything you want.
Since yesterday, being away from him has been awful. I have been forced to take a hard look at myself. I was loving getting attention that made me feel good. It was incredibly selfish. I've been called a spoiled brat.(not by him, by someone else close to me). It's true. Being away from him and the reality smack that I have had to face today is awful. He gave me everything, and I let my addiction turn into a tool to harbor resentment against HIM for him just wanting to be a better person.
I'm an ugly drunk. Mean and ugly. My own mother tells me so. She is here right now, by the way.
Why did I let this website and another man pump me up so much and not turn to the person who had loved me? I think I felt the love was conditional. Only if I wasn't drinking and hurting him. But I have ruined family times by drinking too much. Now this. Aside from some lack of support in the spring when he had just had enough of me ruining good times, he has tried so hard. And I looked elsewhere. Maybe because I completely hadn't gotten over the hurt as well. I didn't let it go. Mad and confused about the goddam alcohol problem. I said bad things to him and about him. All fueled by alcohol. Stuff I don't even remember.
I miss my husband. It didn't take long to realize I want and need him in my life. Not long at all. I am done with self destructing and hurting everyone around me. I have to leave this website and I hope you all understand. I need to focus on winning my husband's love back. Whatever it takes. For as long as it takes. I can't live without him.
Scott, I love you. I was wrong and I am so sorry. I don't know what to do to make it up to you. I will try every day for the rest of my life.
I miss you already. I pray we can get through this and rekindle the flame we had when we first got together. Remember the passion? I want it back more than I can express.
Please forgive me. I have to go beg forgiveness from everyone I've hurt. It's going to be a process, but I will do it. Anything you want.
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