UNDIES IN OCTOBER
hello all, nice to see you drop in ktabber.
reggie, big strong hug for you love. i hope things improve for you soon.
sunny, hope the morning sickness dissipates soon. you poor love! i like how tawny put it : an undie-mummy. how fantastic you have come this far.
i'll read back innabit.
for now, well the adventure never ends here folks. it's been raining solidly since Sat night & now the gravel road into town is impassable except for 4-WD. going into town this a.m, i was bloody greatful for the toyota landcruiser (my meat wagon, as it's known) & the snorkel attached as we traversed huge puddles & potholes & generally slid around in the 6 inch mud. even in 4WD i couldn't go more than 60 km/hr. & did a lot of steering into the slides.
whilst it's nice to think our tanks are all full & the dams are getting run-off, the downside of this never comfortable coin is that the crops are getting more & more damaged! we must be grateful that we're later in seeding than other so there's still a good chance the wheat harvest will be average, but the entire district is blown for barley. argh! you might think that farmers are always complaining & that is true, but gee whiz it's end of October & supposed to be warm & dry & gearing up for harvest, we just wish it would be kind to us, & be normal......which means warm & dry Mother Nature dearest!!!!
the counselling session went ok. i think mr beags got a bit out of it, BUT now that we're done with it, why does he sweep it under the carpet? but then again, on the other hand, maybe he thinks that i don't want to talk about it....hmmm, that may be the case. firstly mr b had a 40 min session alone, where obviously the discussion was about my suicide attempts, well i got bombarded a bit when i went in, barely sat down when the questions fired away at me. susequently i went into shut-down mode, now if you can't read that in body language than you're a blind man/woman. which my counsellor is not. so she watched & no doubt thought & no doubt there were lots of meaningful glances that , when i met eyes with her, i think i understood. end of it all : question to me was, " now that you've told us both (counsellor & mr b) about your 'incidences' (my word) , would you tell either of us if you felt like you were sliding downhill again? my answer : no. honestly.
as she put it, i'd rather "deal with my shit my way". simple, end of story. really, it's too late anyway, the decline has already begun again & i'm a damned good actor. i'll pull myself out again, sometime. in the meantime, i'll deal with my shit, my way. no-one else's issue, really.
ah gone into a blathering dirbble again haven't i. but i don't need to apologise do i?
all of you know where i'm at, & thank goodness that at least the steam valve can be let off a bit here. otherwise the pressure can build so so so very much but being such a great internaliser i can bottle up more than i think others can.
i miss lentl.
i miss him every single bloody day.
my beautiful birdy, my baby.:upset:
that's all folks.
hello all, nice to see you drop in ktabber.
reggie, big strong hug for you love. i hope things improve for you soon.
sunny, hope the morning sickness dissipates soon. you poor love! i like how tawny put it : an undie-mummy. how fantastic you have come this far.
i'll read back innabit.
for now, well the adventure never ends here folks. it's been raining solidly since Sat night & now the gravel road into town is impassable except for 4-WD. going into town this a.m, i was bloody greatful for the toyota landcruiser (my meat wagon, as it's known) & the snorkel attached as we traversed huge puddles & potholes & generally slid around in the 6 inch mud. even in 4WD i couldn't go more than 60 km/hr. & did a lot of steering into the slides.
whilst it's nice to think our tanks are all full & the dams are getting run-off, the downside of this never comfortable coin is that the crops are getting more & more damaged! we must be grateful that we're later in seeding than other so there's still a good chance the wheat harvest will be average, but the entire district is blown for barley. argh! you might think that farmers are always complaining & that is true, but gee whiz it's end of October & supposed to be warm & dry & gearing up for harvest, we just wish it would be kind to us, & be normal......which means warm & dry Mother Nature dearest!!!!
the counselling session went ok. i think mr beags got a bit out of it, BUT now that we're done with it, why does he sweep it under the carpet? but then again, on the other hand, maybe he thinks that i don't want to talk about it....hmmm, that may be the case. firstly mr b had a 40 min session alone, where obviously the discussion was about my suicide attempts, well i got bombarded a bit when i went in, barely sat down when the questions fired away at me. susequently i went into shut-down mode, now if you can't read that in body language than you're a blind man/woman. which my counsellor is not. so she watched & no doubt thought & no doubt there were lots of meaningful glances that , when i met eyes with her, i think i understood. end of it all : question to me was, " now that you've told us both (counsellor & mr b) about your 'incidences' (my word) , would you tell either of us if you felt like you were sliding downhill again? my answer : no. honestly.
as she put it, i'd rather "deal with my shit my way". simple, end of story. really, it's too late anyway, the decline has already begun again & i'm a damned good actor. i'll pull myself out again, sometime. in the meantime, i'll deal with my shit, my way. no-one else's issue, really.
ah gone into a blathering dirbble again haven't i. but i don't need to apologise do i?
all of you know where i'm at, & thank goodness that at least the steam valve can be let off a bit here. otherwise the pressure can build so so so very much but being such a great internaliser i can bottle up more than i think others can.
i miss lentl.
i miss him every single bloody day.
my beautiful birdy, my baby.:upset:
that's all folks.
Comment