Desperate

[Juley]

I've been here on and off for a long time.
I need to know something though. So many lovely success stories here etc. I'd love to be one of them but I'm not.

What happens if you can't get clean. What's going to happen to me. Right now I'm already in trouble with work due to sick leave, have zero social life (I won't drink in public for fear of making a fool of myself but drink at home where I control it).

I'm very scared, will I die soon? I drink 6 bottles of wine a week, that's reduced. I drink 2 bottles on a Friday and Saturday night.

[Unwasted]

Desperate

Juley, have you thought about balcofen? Lots of people here are having success with it. Here's a link to the meds thread where you'll find a lot of information about balcofen in addition to other meds. Have you thought of any kind of rehab? Just throwing some things out there for you. Of course, there's the MWO book which is downloadable from here, along with the Toolbox which has lots of information. I'll post both links below:

Topamax, Campral, Naltrexone, Baclofen, other meds - My Way Out Forums
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

And, a book that helped me a lot: Kick the Drink by Jason Vale

Sending you peace and strength,

[Doggygirl]

Desperate

Hi Juley and welcome back. What have you tried before in terms of a plan to quit? Did you ever try to follow the full My Way Out program that is outlined in the book? Or something else?

For myself, I have to have a very specific plan. Just coming around the forum isn't enough.

Maybe if you tell us what you have tried, and what you are thinking about doing differently this time, we can offer some suggestions.

DG

[free at last]

Desperate

Juley, I was drinking a bottle of red wine pretty much every night. Managed to go 10 days AF in Jan; 5 days without AL in Feb; 10 days in March; 17 days in April; 13 days in May; 3 days in June; 5 days in July; 6 days in August; and 20 days in Sept. On Sept 11th, I decided to start living, not drugging myself with alcohol. Have had a few days where I couldn't resist the cravings but my goal is now 30 consecutive AF days. Take the step, join us in this journey.

[Doggygirl]

Desperate

Free, congratulations on your progress.

DG

[free at last]

Desperate

Thanks, Doggy Girl. It's been a rollercoaster -- mainly the work recpetions that I can't avoid. But I am now listening to the abstinence tabs, trying to meditate daily, (ordered Kick the Drink) and getting a little exercise each day. Reading posts on this website helps.

[Juley]

Desperate

Unfortunately I found out the answer to this last weekend. Monday morning I woke up in A&E having drank 2 bottles of wine and OD'd on sleeping tablets. I'd even called the ambulance myself somehow and left the door open for them. Not a nice or proud experience. Things just hit rock bottom to be honest. I met with a psychiatrist in the hospital and will have follow up treatment, for depression apparently. The drinking was brought up and not being ignored, I admitted 100%. She says the two go hand in hand normally. Both or each lead to the other. They'll distinguish which is leading to which. Been AF 6 days now. Don't really deserve a medal or anything having put the emergency service through that crap.

[FreeFly]

Desperate

Hi Juley, You do deserve a medal! I'm very new here and mirrored you in consumption. This place is definitely helping me. Just wanted to send you a hug. :l

[FreeFly]

Desperate

ps. Also ended up with zero social life - solitary drinker like you. Understand that one x

[Juley]

Desperate

@ Can'tbelieve
Thanks for your lovely message. Please ensure you get out there again. That was a major factor in my breakdown. I'd completely isolated myself and tried to deal with some terrible family issues at the moment without offloading on anybody. Alcohol is not the solution by any means. Talking to people is.

[FreeFly]

Desperate

Bless you Juley - thanks for your kind words.
Be kind to yourself now - and don't isolate! Do you have people to be there for you? What a scary experience it must have been. Please don't beat yourself up now - must be gentle with yourself and step by step find your way to a happier place. Stay around this site for support, especially if you feel so low again. Always around if you need a chat xx

[Lavande]

Desperate

Juley,

Glad you are here & posting again! That must have been a very scarey experience & a wake up call if you will.
Depression & drinking do go hand in hand, have been there & done it! I also did all my drinking at home, alone where I didn't have to see anyone.
For me getting the depression under control freed up a lot of strength to finally give up drinking once & for all. That's when I found the MWO program.
No, alcohol is never a solution, always a problem. I hope you take the chance to read the MWO book & learn as much about the program as you can. Congrats on your 6 AF days, that's great!

Keep coming to talk to us - it really helps!

Lav

[greeneyes]

Desperate

Juley, you can do this! I hope that your crisis is a tipping point for you. One that you needed to use as a door of opportunity. Dig in and do this! Read and post! Revisit the tool box thread at the top of the monthly abstinance section.