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When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

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    #1

    When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

    My hubby and I are co-drunks. We function during the day fine, then get home and drink together. Not that we don't drink when one of us at home alone and the is out, we do. But it seems, we routinely get beer and veg in front of the tv, or watch movies, etc, nightly.

    Well since Monday, I have not drank. Joe drank Monday, was off Tuesday and slept all day (literally) and was surprised I didn't stop on the way home. Wednesday he stopped and Thursday he drank all day and ran out of beer and when I got home and knew I had a bad day talked to me about I should drive to the store get "us" beer and drink all weekend (it's a three dayer) and start fresh Tuesday.......

    It's hell going AF when you are a 12 pack plus a day daily drinker. I have been bitchy as hell, hard to go to sleep, having nightmares, been restless, have gained weight (even though consuming sooo much less calories), feel bloated, disgusted as I come home to a drunk hubby and jealous that he is drunk, bored with tv as most of it aint entertaining unless I'm drunk or getting there.

    I also have had out of town big wigs in all week I've had to make nice to and stayed late most nites at work, being on my best behavior. THAT'S been stressful as well.

    So, I've lived thru all this hell going on day 5 and he wants me to start all over again?

    Yet. I know where he's coming from. I remember when he couldn't drink, split shift, or something and him telling me to slow down, or saying I drank too much the nite before, etc., and resenting him. I know how it felt being him.

    I didn't ever ask him to get me beer but I remember wanting him to, hoping he would. So I do know the thoughts running thru his head.

    Yet, it sure is hard, even knowing this, not resenting the fact I'm struggling and he's even if it's unconsciously, tempting me and making it more difficult.

    Part of me resents him, part of me thinks, I love him, drinking is familiar, easy, something to do WITH him, why not give him, part of me thinks, stick with it for all the reasons I know logically, my health, my happiness, OUR health, OUR happiness, our future, money-wise, heck just having a life full of more than a bottle of beer......
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    #2
    When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

    Hi Hart,

    I feel for you. It must be very difficult getting home tired and stressed and being tempted by your partner to drink.

    I seem to remember a while ago that you said you'd both given up for a few weeks? What helped you then that's not working now?

    If your husband wants to stop too can you plan things to do that don't involve sitting in front of the TV - as you say, you'll be bored and probably more tempted to drink. Sounds like you need some fun things to do to distract you from the nightly routine. That might be a start.
    sigpic
    AF since December 22nd 2008
    Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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      #3
      When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

      Hart, you are a beautiful writer in a raw sort of way. I really was able to relate to what you said, not because I've lived it but because you write so well. Anyways, that's besides the point. You are in a tough situation, no doubt. Right now I have given up booze permanently and it's been two weeks. Hubby is still drinking but gradually over the two weeks he is drinking less. Just because I am always putting the kettle on for tea or making some lemon water it seems to slow his drinking down. Hopefully that will happen to your hubby. The other thing you may have already done is have a serious talk with him and tell him you NEED his support, if not in joining you A/F at least in not encouraging you to drink. Instead of envying him, feel sorry for him. You've seen the light; he is still in the dark. Mine too but he's changing by osmosis... my sober energy is seeping into him... LOL..

      Tips
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

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        #4
        When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

        Tips, you are making such great points here. Hart, my situation is similar to Tips' in that my husband doesn't drink a lot and is drinking less now that I've stopped. I do think your husband should at least try to cut down. And, I think you should feel okay asking him to support you at least a little! Hope things get better. Would it work for you to drink a couple of non-A beers with him?

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          #5
          When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

          ((((Marshy, Tip, Unwasted))) Joe and I have gone AF together before and it was great. Joe said he'd like to do so again, so maybe he will. He is getting off work early tonite and called me at work asking if we could do something (away from home). So I'm hoping he wants to start being AF too. If not, well at least I'll see him for the first time this week sober when I get home! I'll settle for that baby step. And yes we have been AF for over 60 days together before so we can do it!

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            #6
            When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

            Hart, I have nothing new to add but wanted to just toss in some extra moral support! I hope he decides to go the distance with you. Even if he doesn't, YOU can still get sober. It's not easy but at the end of they day, we have to do this for ourselves anyway. I hope you both have an AF weekend.

            :l

            DG
            Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
            Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

            One day at a time.

            Comment

              #7
              When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

              Hey Hart!
              I read your post and thought, that is my situation exactly! Bf and I have a very set routine. Get home from work, start drinking, talk about our days, watch TV. There have been days when I wasn't even really craving a drink, but, hey, look, it's there waiting. He already bought it. And, yes, the TV is more interesting while drinking, but I've realized that BF is more interesting when I'm drunk too. He drinks more than me, and even when I'm drinking, I get annoyed with how drunk he is towards the end of the night. God, I might hate him if I were sober! Anyhow, I dug up the following which I posted a while ago on a different thread.
              "It's hard. Boyfriend drinks one full pint of vodka every night. He says he wants to quit, and encourages me in all I do, including the HDB, but I know he's waiting for me to quit first. And I know that every night that the half pint and beer will be there. If I told him I didn't want to drink a particular night, he wouldn't buy it, and he'd be covert about his drinking. He'd applaud me and be very supportive. But he'd still be drinking. But I can't make him do anything. I wouldn't want to. My plan is to lead by example. And if I get sober and he doesn't, it's over."
              The advice that's been given to you here by everyone else has been awesome, and I'm gonna take it myself. Just wanted to say thanks for posting that and you're not alone!
              "Yet someday this will have an end
              All choices made or choice resigned,
              And in your face the literal eye
              Trace little of your history,
              Nor ever piece the tale entire
              Of villages that had to burn
              And playgrounds of the will destroyed
              Before you could be safe from time
              And gather in your brow and air
              The stillness of antiquity."

              From "At Majority" by Adrienne Rich

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                #8
                When you stop and ur co-drunk doesn't

                Hi hart,
                Your doing the right thing and I think your hubby will follow. If he did it before he knows how good it feels. It's hard to stop when the wheels are in motion. (as we all know). One of the things I think helped me before my fiance stopped was the thought that I wasn't hurting anyone by staying sober no madder how uncomfortable I felt. I just kept believing I was doing something good and that good things would come of it one way or the other. Blind faith. Change of routine might help like doing something instead of watching T.V. especially boring shows..... I can totally relate to that... if anything, a trip to the video store for a movie. It might sound silly but a small break in routine helped us out a lot. It sparked more changes... very slow changes but they ended up sticking.
                All the bet to you hart :h

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