Think I may be in trouble here

[InChains]

This admission has been along time coming - I find myself realising that I am now gettign into serious trouble with my drinking habits. By alot of standards I don't drink too much, 7-9 units a night, starting when I get in from uni, finishing when I decide to go to bed. Today I don't have enough AL in the house to hit 7 units, I can make it as far as 5. and I'm panicking. I realised I have a gig coming up where I can't drink much - I'm praying the adrenalin rush will make up for it. I am going on a trip soon with my university, we're staying in bed and breakfast accomodation and all I can think is - which am I goign to end up buying, food or booze? How can I keep this thing going. I have almost completely given up smoking, why? well it was taking money out of drinking. I am beingeing at least 2-3 times a week, drinking until I feel physically unable to drink anymore, or until there is nothign left for me to drink.

and yet I still don't feel like I want to quit, or like i'm ready to quit. my life is revolving more and more around this need to distance myself from reality, to escape from who I am, and yet what can I do? I want the worry to be over about money, about what happens if I cannot get my daily dose but I can't make it happen, I can't work out how to make myself want it enough. I am struggling with this, it's hurting me, yet I cannot make myself feel anger towards my drinking habits, only towards things that stop me drinking.

I wanted to put this out there, I know the simple answer is 'stop', I knwo alot of replies will just say I have to quit, but thats not the real problem, I knwo the how, I know I can do it and have done it before, but the wanting it? the how to actually get to that stage? I'm so lost I don't know where to begin...

[Chillgirl]

Think I may be in trouble here

Inchy - I hope im not speaking out of turn here but are you being really really honest with yourself in saying you dont WANT to stop drinking? If you were totally happy and didnt want to quit how come you found this site? We often say we dont want to do something when we really mean we dont want to go through the hard part of changing our behaviour. I think you have to get clear which it is.

A good test is that if there was such a thing as a button you could press and after pressing it you never ever even thought about alcohol ever again in your life. There would be no withdrawal or cravings, no awkward social events to handle and you found other ways to occupy your time. Would you press it?

[InChains]

Think I may be in trouble here

well... thats kind of... yeah. Yeah I'd press it. I think I'd regret it though... so thats a confusing one. I have a love/hate thing with this, nto even AL, with addiction, the idea of it, how it feels... I make no sense to myself

[Unwasted]

Think I may be in trouble here

Inchy, try reading this thread - especially the post by Chief. He tried everything but it wasn't until he read Kick the Drink by Jason Vale that he was able to stop - it has helped me too. Here's a link:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ife-52399.html

[Doggygirl]

Think I may be in trouble here

Hi Inchy. It's really good to see you post. I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time, but I think this moment could be a really, really important one for you. Everything you are describing is addiction, including the kind of "love relationship" we have with AL, where we KNOW it's a bad relationship, but we can't imagine breaking up. I can really relate to the ambivalence you feel - part of you wanting to hang onto the drinking even though another part of you knows it's a bad idea. I lived in that mode for many years.

I hope you will made a decision to work towards an AF life. You deserve it. Life with AL is just going to lead to bad outcomes. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

Push the button Inchy.

DG

[Doggygirl]

Think I may be in trouble here

Hey Inchy. How are you today?

DG