Hi Everyone,
I lurk here A LOT but don?t post very much anymore. I?ve decided it?s time to reclaim the laptop from the teen and start posting more?so be warned, I?ll be here a lot from now on.
Ok, time to come clean. I?ve had A LOT of AF time this year, more than 9 months (total, but not continuous). I?ve been on (and off) of Antabuse for over a year. Unfortunately, a week ago I chose to go OFF of it. On my 3rd day off, I drank some beer. Boy was that a mistake. I was up ALL night vomiting, every 20 minutes or so. Somehow I managed to drag myself to work the next day, and stayed sober that night. The next night, however, I tried again. Only a small reaction that time, but I was so ?mad? at the Antabuse for making me sick that I threw it out and swore I?d never take it again! (Yeah, it was the AB making me sick, not the beer, right?) Fast forward 7 more days of nightly drinking, which included: one night of driving after having too much, running into my teenage neighbors (18 years old) at the corner liquor store and buying them some beer (might as well just break law after law at this point), hangovers from hell, smoking insane amounts of cigarettes, and wasting over $150 on this crap?in one week (which I can ill afford, believe me). Why oh why would I do this to myself all over again? I honestly don?t know. I felt ?secure? in my sobriety?too confident. I was sure I was winning this battle and got cocky. If anything positive can come out of this, it?s this: I know for sure, without a doubt, that I will never be a normal drinker. I drink, I get crazy, I take insane risks that put me and my daughter at risk, I act stupid, I send ridiculous text messages, I scare my daughter, I hurt my body, and lord knows what else I ?do??these are only the things I can (barely) remember doing.
So here?s the plan. I refilled my Antabuse prescription; I now have another 6 month supply. I ordered Jason Vale?s book (time to start re-affirming my commitment by re-learning everything). I have NO alcohol in the house. In fact, I have no cigarettes either, time to give it all up, why drag it out? I will stick close to MWO like I used to. Not only does it help me stay sober, but I miss my friends here. I will take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I will be honest with my daughter (without burdening her), and I will keep my promises to her (and myself). I will never, ever fool myself into thinking that I can drink alcohol.
I?m not big on counting days?but I have been alcohol free and nicotine free since Sunday, October 16, 2011.
Sorry for the long winded ramble, and if you read it all?thanks for your time. I look forward to settling back into the nest.
Be well, my friends.
:h
K9
I lurk here A LOT but don?t post very much anymore. I?ve decided it?s time to reclaim the laptop from the teen and start posting more?so be warned, I?ll be here a lot from now on.
Ok, time to come clean. I?ve had A LOT of AF time this year, more than 9 months (total, but not continuous). I?ve been on (and off) of Antabuse for over a year. Unfortunately, a week ago I chose to go OFF of it. On my 3rd day off, I drank some beer. Boy was that a mistake. I was up ALL night vomiting, every 20 minutes or so. Somehow I managed to drag myself to work the next day, and stayed sober that night. The next night, however, I tried again. Only a small reaction that time, but I was so ?mad? at the Antabuse for making me sick that I threw it out and swore I?d never take it again! (Yeah, it was the AB making me sick, not the beer, right?) Fast forward 7 more days of nightly drinking, which included: one night of driving after having too much, running into my teenage neighbors (18 years old) at the corner liquor store and buying them some beer (might as well just break law after law at this point), hangovers from hell, smoking insane amounts of cigarettes, and wasting over $150 on this crap?in one week (which I can ill afford, believe me). Why oh why would I do this to myself all over again? I honestly don?t know. I felt ?secure? in my sobriety?too confident. I was sure I was winning this battle and got cocky. If anything positive can come out of this, it?s this: I know for sure, without a doubt, that I will never be a normal drinker. I drink, I get crazy, I take insane risks that put me and my daughter at risk, I act stupid, I send ridiculous text messages, I scare my daughter, I hurt my body, and lord knows what else I ?do??these are only the things I can (barely) remember doing.
So here?s the plan. I refilled my Antabuse prescription; I now have another 6 month supply. I ordered Jason Vale?s book (time to start re-affirming my commitment by re-learning everything). I have NO alcohol in the house. In fact, I have no cigarettes either, time to give it all up, why drag it out? I will stick close to MWO like I used to. Not only does it help me stay sober, but I miss my friends here. I will take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. I will be honest with my daughter (without burdening her), and I will keep my promises to her (and myself). I will never, ever fool myself into thinking that I can drink alcohol.
I?m not big on counting days?but I have been alcohol free and nicotine free since Sunday, October 16, 2011.
Sorry for the long winded ramble, and if you read it all?thanks for your time. I look forward to settling back into the nest.
Be well, my friends.
:h
K9
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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