Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

[Meech]

Well I have been AF for a while now. And last night I almost rewarded myself with beer.

BUT I DIDN'T. Phew!

Although I have felt very strong and happy to be free from the death hold of the AL Beast, I had thoughts haunting me last night about how sad it is that I can't ever drink again.

Ugggghhhh. Must go through all the wonderful things that I have done and felt since this stretch of sobriety thus far. I can go on little stretches of AF then I seem to get weaker and weaker and eventually slip up.

Just recently I have been trying to get excited about food. Rewarding myself with a great, healthy meal. Not beer on an empty stomach at the end of the day during the craving hour.

I'm scared and I fear I am getting weaker as I get more Af days under my belt. The Beast has a very clever way of playing mind games with me (as well all know too well). I don't have a tonne of days/months under my belt so I know I am still very much in the vulnerable stage. :no: Almost caved last night but I blocked the thoughts and came home and ate.

I must remember that's my ticket at the end of the day. EAT.

[rubywillow]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Meech, it's VERY normal. It sneaks back in when we start coming up with reasons why THIS time will be different from all the many others. Hang in there, and when you're tempted, do something special for yourself, like an ice cream or a candy bar, or spend AL money on new clothes, shoes, anything tangilbe you can look back on and say 'I couldn't have had this if I rationalized myself into allowing myself to drink'. Keep rewarding yourself, and don't think in terms of forever. It's too hard to get our brains around.

[Unwasted]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Meech, eating is a big help to me - also a wonderful cup of hot tea (Organic India Tulsi Chai that I buy online) sweetened with Agave nectar. The tea has become a ritual, and I look forward to it just like I used to the cocktail hour - I know that sounds strange, but it's true. If you do it long enough you really get to where you cherish it - there's something very soothing about hot tea. I even bought a very beautiful teapot which really adds to the "niceness" of the whole process. This brand and type of tea is the only one that really melts my butter, and I've tried lots of them! It also has holy basil in it, which is very good for you. It's all herbal with no caffeine so you can drink it in the evenings.

[K9Lover]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Hi Meech,
Go ahead and mourn. But then accept that your evil friend is dead, and move on with your life. Remember that this "friend" of yours brought nothing but pain, misery, embarrassment and anxiety.

I like Unwasted's suggestion of evening tea, I'm going to look into the brand she's drinking. I have recently started cooking GOOD dinners...not only does the preparation fill in time in the evenings, but you feel so much better after sitting down at the table and enjoying a good meal, hopefully with good company. I don't miss the days of drunkenly heating up a hotdog at 11:30pm in hopes that it would soak up the 12 beers I just drank. Ugh.

Unfortunately the Beast will rear its ugly head for a long time, but keep blocking it, and eventually it will give up and go away.

Hang in there, and good job on your AF time so far!!

K9

[windy]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Hi Meech,

You didn't cave last night...and that is great. Just do what you did last night the next time AL starts messing with you. You are one tough lady and you can kick it's ASS, and you know it. I have faith in you. Remember how good you are feeling when you feel weakened and how nasty that hangover is the next day. 12 hours (at least) feeling bad, for WHAT?? a short termed buzz?? That was probably not that great anyway and lasted for how long? I noticed that it would take longer to get that feeling and when I did, it wasn't much fun.

Eating when hungry is a huge help to me too. When I am hungry is the time the cravings are the worst. I too enjoy having a good cup of hot, herbal tea at the witching hour and since the weather is turning colder, it is a perfect treat. There's so many different things you can do with it too and so many different kinds out there.

You know what to do. And I know you want it, so keep fighting and keep eating.

[FreeFly]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Unwasted, I second that. I luurve Tulsi tea and thanks for reminding me - it's in the cupboard along with the pretty teapot. Reckon I'll choose that tomorrow instead of the vino

[happydays]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

I too have not been over 30 days AL free and feeling the temptation...the only thing that gets me through is thinking about "just for today" I will not drink...the other night I spent 30 minutes kicking a boxing bag - that really relieved stress and the desire! It is hard at times but remembering the past helps and then believing there is a deeper purpose for all of this as well as life helps...ugh - as I say I wish this never happened to me and I wish I was "normal" like all of my other friends who drink wine a few nights a week...but it did and now time to buck up!

[Accountable for Me]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Good for staying strong, Meech. We all can relate to what you are saying and feeling. I still mourn it at times. Sometimes I think it would be 'nice' to have a beer or whatnot. The thing is, it is never just a beer. It is 8 or more beer for me.

I hate being an alcoholic. I wish I were a normal drinker a lot of the times. But, I am not. I have tried countless times to 'moderate'. I always fell on my face. Every single time. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have had less than 3 drinks in an evening when I drank. Pretty sad. (I am a binge drinker). Once I get that stuff in me, I go for days drinking. Not all day long, but days of drinking too much and waking up feeling like crap physically and emotionally.

It is OK to miss it. You are only human. When you do, ask yourself what it really does for you. I have to weigh the pro's and the con's each time I have the thoughts of drinking. The only pro is the initial buzz which lasts maybe, an hour.... then it is waking up to such shame and feeling awful.

Hang in there. This is something that we will have to deal with for a long time.

Remember, you are so very worthy of a happy, healthy life. Alcohol will just take both away from you.

ps. Eating is key for me! When I get the urge to drink, I eat something and it goes away immediately.

[Doggygirl]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Meech, congrats on your AF time, and HUGE congrats on beating the urge last night! Eating was (and is) my friend too. (too much eating these days!!! but it's better than drinking!) I'm also wondering if you have changed up anything else to make your "witching hour" feel different. For me, establishing totally new routines was very critical to my early success.

DG

[Boh]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

I couldn't agree more Eating is a huge help!!

A trick I use often is having a protein shake if preparing dinner is going to take a while... I was famous for coming home, cracking a beer, and making supper. By the time supper was ready, I wasn't hungry and would just proceed to drink all night! Having that shake right off instantly gets me on the right track!!





Boh

[patrice]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Hi all

I so relate to the eating thing .. and especially eating something nutritious, healthy and delicious...
Whenever I drink there are two possiblilities:

1. I have a drink then finish the bottle and do not eat, preferring to open another bottle.
OR
2. I have a drink, cook a great healthy meal while drinking the bottle. Don't touch the food, preferring to open another bottle.

Its a saviour for me : Eating something good, Herbal Teas, and Exercise.

Take Care
Patrice

[Meech]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Thank you for all your GREAT POSTS!!

Doogy Girl - I have been adding a few activities to my schedule. Tuesdays is a date night with my daughter (who is 10) so it gets me to have a early dinner then out of the house doing something sober and when I come home it's time to get the kids to bed and me shortly there after. I work 3 evenings of the week. Mondays I have activites with the kids and myself and I don't get home till bedtime.

So I have 5 nights where I am occupied. There's one particular night which is really tough and that's Sundays. I don't work so I think an EARLY family dinner will be key as we generally make it a "home" night with the family. Which in the past has meant a kick back and drink 6 beers Sunday.

Boh - I LOVE the shake idea. That's filling and my kids love fruit smoothies. I must add that to my routine instead of the beer while preparing meal - which turns into many beers after and no meal until 11pm.

Everyone else again thank you for your posts and your support. We all share such similar habits, triggers and good solutions to combating those nasty cravings.

Tonight and the next night I work so I don't have to worry about AL Beast until the dreaded Sunday. Better get some fresh fruit for that shake!

[mama bear]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

This thread is calling my name......I am stressed and frazzled at the end of most days and it os so easy to grab a cold beer on the way home.....I have been on Antabuse for a month or so......but the beast is still there....trust me.....

[windy]

Starting to mourn the death of my evil friend

Hi Meech,

Just wanted to add support for Sunday. I think your idea about an early Sunday dinner is an excellent one and one that works for me on the weekends. I really like it when we can get out of the house for an early dinner, go home (satisfied) and just chill for a bit. And I don't have to clean up.

You sound like you are tackling this head on and know what your triggers are. That's wonderful.

Have a good, sober, relaxing......Sunday.