being a non drinker in social situations

[looking for peace]

One of my biggest fears about not drinking was/is how will I handle social situations and dinners while not drinking? One issue being how to explain yourself to people (that really bugs me that we even have to explain ourselves in the first place). The first excuse I thought I'd use is hat I really have to lose weight in a short period of time and need to cut out any excess calories. That is actually really true. I have a little over 5 weeks to lose a significant amount of weight for an upcoming ball.

The other issue being how to actually enjoy yourself and come across as interesting when you are stone sober. I just read something about it. One way to deal with that (and to overcome shyness) is to ask a lot of questions and really listen to the answers. People really like to talk about themselves (especially drunk people) and you will come across as fasinating. I think that's a good approach meeting new people anyway. Also, develop a sense of humor about observing drunk people. It can be quite amusing hearing them repeat things over and over again and act sloshed. It also gives you an opportunity to be grateful that you never have to be that way again.

[sunshine_gg]

being a non drinker in social situations

Hi Peace,

I remember dreading the all the quizzing and rehearsing all my reasons for non-drinking before a major booze fest. Surprise! Nobody gave a hoot whether or what I was drinking! All that fretting for nothing.

But you're right, it's a bit of an eye-opener and somewhat amusing to observe others doing what we would be doing, if we were still drinking. Does bring out the cringe factor a little bit as well, though.

I'm having to attend a party tomorrow night - I doubt there will be 'over'drinking but there will certainly be drinking. But not for me. And IF anyone should actually ask... alcohol just doesn't agree with me anymore.

[JackieClaire]

being a non drinker in social situations

Hi LFP,

I remember the early days of using excuses. Everything from high cholesterol (which was true at the time) to having a bit of a tummy problem (no-one wants to know the gory details).

My son asked me what do us sober people talk about. I just replied 'same as drunk people, but we don't repeat ourselves 4 times'

Asking questions and putting the other person in focus is a great idea.

I'll bet you'll be the belle of the ball and you'll be the one laughing long and loud the following day when you're the one without a hangover.

J x
:l

[Unwasted]

being a non drinker in social situations

LFP, you can also be sure to read some interesting articles before you go - so you'll have specific topics you can bring up.

[Doggygirl]

being a non drinker in social situations

Looking, you really don't have to explain what you choose to drink. And I'm with Sunny - most people could care less. The only people who really seem to ever ask me anything were people who KNEW me as a big drinker and were simply suprised when I ordered a diet coke. But really - *I* was paranoid and making it a big deal in MY head. Other people really didn't care.

Also, I was SHOCKED to realize how little many other people really drink. Just watch. When you go to parties, there will probably be a small % of people getting REALLY sloshed - the heavy drinkers like we used to be. Then there will be others who nurse a couple of drinks the whole night. HOW DO THEY DO THAT????? Well, it doesn't matter because I'm not wired that way and I can't. But at any rate, I was pretty shocked to find that *everyont* really DOESN"T drink like I used to.

National Averages - 10 beers and 10 people

4 people will have 0
3 people will share 2 beers
2 people will have 1 beer each
1 person will have 6 beers.

So.....for every one of "me" there are 9 normies. That helps me keep things in perspective.

I like your ideas on becoming an awesome conversationalist! You are right - listening is the key. People will love you!

DG

[DriftyAlison0]

being a non drinker in social situations

I go out to bars sometimes (no I don't have a car yet, and there is nothing but bars, here for entertainment at night in my areas, and cabs are not cheap) and I drink just pop,shirley temples, na beer and water. I was at a birthday party last night where the birthday guy got wasted, but I stayed to pop and water and when I woke up this morning, I had no hangover and was able to go to college, while my friend (who works) thankfully had the next day off because he had one hell of a hangover worst one in years he says. Those type of situations make me feel real good. Sometimes when I have some extra money, I treat myself for not drinking the night before (mainly Sat. mornings when I do it) I go out to lunch and enjoy my hangover free day. Other days I go to college or church and enjoy myself. I may have been mainly a weekend drinker (Friday nights mainly) but I knew I was getting worse. I was starting to have a few beers now and then during the week. Now I am sober, and sure I go out more then when I was drinking, but now I can sit and watch the drunk people getting more and more stupid. I once was at a b-day party this past Summer and that was the first time that I felt that I didn't miss getting drunk, being drunk, and drinking in general (I already knew that I didn't miss the hangovers) and every time I see drunk people, I feel it over and over.

I rarely have trouble with other drinkers wondering why I am not drinking. When I do get asked, I tell the truth that I quit drinking and they leave it at that as a rule and the rare time that they say well maybe someday you can have a beer or two, I let it go through one ear out the other because I know that having just 1 beer now and then won't do. If I have 1 beer, then I want more and more till I make up for lost time and that is so not the new me. I do have a friend trying to get me to drink at times, but he knows that I am never going to drink again.

[Boh]

being a non drinker in social situations

Great topic!!

I'm in the very early stages of my journey and was attending a dinner tonight. I had my excuse all rehearsed, "Oh, sorry I can't drink, I'm on medication." Lame eh? But I was super worried.. I didn't want to say, "I have a drinking problem and if I have one I will end up drinking an obscene amount, embarrassing myself, and passing out." A little white lie seemed so much easier to justify...

Amazingly, just as you guys mentioned above... nobody cared that I didn't order a drink and the topic never came up. I was worried all for nothing. It is still rather peculiar to me how a person can sip one drink through dinner? I totally agree DG, I am definitely not wired that way either!!!


Boh

[shueaddict]

being a non drinker in social situations

Yes, excellent topic!!!

Here?s my experience with refusing drink on social occasions:

1. despite horrible fretting and prior rehearsing of 10 excuses 99% of the people did not care

2. my closest 3 friends (the ones that have seen me drunk over and over again) ? said nothing, passed a fleeting knowing glance and proceed to enjoying our dinner and conversation without offering me any more wine for the rest of the evening. At the next party one of them bought me AF beers (true friend !!!)

3. the last 2 ? my lawyer sis-in-law and my Italian former drinking & shopping buddy ? absolutely GRILLED me and continued to tempt me with drink all night, becoming annoyed with me when I stubbornly continued to refuse. I thought they would only be satisfied if I gave in or admit and I am a raging alcoholic (that would?ve shut them up !!!). It was like they took perverse pleasure in my failing.

Sadly, for my hubby, he has got most of his friends in the 3rd category, mind, most of them are Irish ex-pats (i.e. on permanent holiday). I know it is harder for men.

[Doggygirl]

being a non drinker in social situations

Shue - you raise a good point about some individuals or social circles being very wired for drinking. As one of the 10% who are destined for problem drinking, I realize looking back that I always sought out the heavy drinkers. Hanging with other peopl who drank just like me, and ideally some who drank even more than me, helped me feel like I was "not that bad." Misery loves company. Of course I had all kinds of justifications rolling in my head for why these people were my REAL friends.

Sadly, I also remember many occassions being like your sis in law - BOMBARDING someone with pressure to drink (and drink a LOT). It was NEVER about that other person. I never spent a moment thinking before, during, or after about THAT persons drinking habits. It was ALL about me, and having somebody with me who was drinking like me in order for me to feel better about me.

So even on the odd occassion where I'm around someone who DOES pressure me about drinking, it's still never about me. So I don't worry about any of this any more. And my circle of friends has changed dramatically. Where drinking was really at the center of the friendship, there is just nothing in common any more. That's OK. I have new friends now who DON'T drink and we are busy doing other stuff. It's quite refreshing to get away from having AL at the center of every social thing I do.

DG

[Peacefull]

being a non drinker in social situations

I have only been out once since not drinking and I was driving so no questions asked. In early sobriety I am saying I am abstaining for awhile and those who really know me know it's necessary. I am afraid of declaring that I quit so early in the game. Not that I plan on drinking, but one day at a time. Plus I need to lose weight, and I will always be driving wherever we go. I even had someone say, leave your car get a cab - in the past. Not drinking is a good thing, why are people so threatened when you want to change.

The longer I go without , less questions will be asked.

Peace