lonely

[dove]

one of my main problems is that i am lonely. i used to (back in the town where i pretty much call home now because that is how it feels) have tons of close friends. the kind that just stop by the house on a whim to just hang out, talk, watch tv, just to be together...and i haven't had that in years since moving away. you can't just make those types of friends again...the kind that just like you for you and want to be around no matter what. now all grown up and married (i.e. boring with no friends) and others are married and some have kids and everyone is just too busy or lazy to want to go and hang out with others. when all you have left is a computer as a way of communication with anyone that cares to respond then as far as i am concerned your life is over (MY life is over is what i meant). this sucks.

[Doggygirl]

lonely

Hi dove. I'm sure it feels like you will never have friends again. But it doesn't have to be that way. In my later drinking years, I just holed up in the house and didn't want to go anywhere or do anything to meet people, to develop and share life and it's passions.

I hope you will consider all of life and the people in it who are out there. I hope you will find ways to get out and join them.

Volunteer work has been an amazingly good thing for me making the transition from home bound drunk to being in the land of the living again. AA has helped in this regard as well.

Good luck to you- there are people out there. I hope you go find them!

DG

[rubywillow]

lonely

Dove, I'm so sorry you feel that way. A couple of times a year I host a get-together of my childhood (50's and 60's) friends. Some I've been close to for over 50 years. It's like an old fashioned slumber party, and we never miss a beat. I LOVE those times, but I'm establishing my own traditions within my family, while being involved in my community. Honestly, I'm still too busy to be lonely. Tried to take a nap, slept about 15 minutes and a grand was playing with my lips! We are all so different, but I've come to crave my alone time again, though I spent years that way when I craved some stimulation. We have to find a happy medium, right. If I had time, I'd be out doing millions of things, but for now, I'm just trying not to let today kill me! :H Like was said, get outside of your computer, interact, volunteer. No, it's not like old friends. But it passes the time. Best wishes to you.

[looking for peace]

lonely

Dove, I really feel form you about the loneliness thing. I feel I could have written your post. I have had to move to different cities twice in my adult life far away from family and friends. This last move has been tougher since I am older and I have no way to make connection through my teenagers. I miss my friends terribly and occasional email is the one way I keep in touch. Although it is sometimes so painful to even get an email, because it just reminds you of what you are missing. Sometimes it makes you think that alcohol is your only friend.

However, it may be the easy route and the path of least resistance, but alcohol only cause more loneliness and isolation. I agree that volunteering may be a good opportunity to at least get out and meet new people. In my city there are various clubs that new people can join such as book clubs, community organization etc. Its hard to do at first hut it helps. I really find I must stop isolation as most of my drinking was done alone, mostly to drown out the loneliness. I try not to dwell on what is missing, iwill never be able to go back, so I try to look forward.

I am naturally not an optimist and have to actually work at looking at things through a positive light. It can be a struggle, but there really isnt another option, so onward and upward! Please pm when loneliness hit. I am happy to listen to venting, or anything else. Hoping your spirits lifts , peace

[patrice]

lonely

Hi Dove

I also know exactly how you feel.. I have had to move countries ( 9 hour plane journey) just to get work and I need work because I have a 6 yr old son, single mum, no choice.. its so so difficult. But when I do stop drinking I find it so much easier to survive, meet new friends ( yeah they are not like the old ones but new friends with different outlooks, vibes etc).. Nothing can stay the same but its ok to be in a different place if you feel good about yourself... just my experience

Take Care
Patrice

[Lavande]

lonely

dove,

Lonliness has always been a problem for me too & part of the reason why I drank excessively.

Even though I am suddenly on my own after 37 years of marriage I'm learning to feel a little less lonely. I am finding that meditation is teaching me to look inside myself for comfort. You really can't count on others to provide comfort anyway, can you?
Have you tried any of the guided mediatations at Guided Meditations | Chopra Center
They have helped me out a lot

Lav

[Sadlyeverafter]

lonely

Definitely lonely too for me, and a feeling that there are no more surprises left. Been thru everything - just need to extrapolate the experience. Nit a gd feeling to hn, to be honest.

[AGUYFROMNC]

lonely

I can relate to that. Soon after my divorce. began to drink heavily up to a gallon a day of rum. I am 32 now and It is so hard to find friends that can just be friends. The ones I have met drink and caused me to say and do dumb things. Also how do you remove the guilt from all the stupid things Ive done and said from drinking. So hard!

[dove]

lonely

ditto to all of you. i am 34 and find it hard to find friends my age with whom I can balance between boredom and drunkeness...most this age are too busy with their careers, children, significant others to care to spend time making friends so I end up with younger people who just want to drink lots. i really am not one to meet and hang out with older (over 50's) people (who seem to be the ones with life figured out) because it seems many just want to sit on their couch at night and be boring....i am one to be out and about and love being around other people. sitting around with no friends is killing me.