Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

[nancy]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

self-help books in moderation

I think we have to be careful about how much advice to take from these self-help books. They are designed for a mass marked and often not written by the people with the right credentials.

Tipplerette:so you say when you sit down for gourmet meals in or nice meals out you feel you need a glass of wine.

It may be that you need to avoid this trigger/habitual behavior for a while. Jason Vale argues against changing your lifestyle to quite drinking but I disagree. I think he even goes as far as to say that you can keep on hanging out in pubs if you want.

Or, if this is happening six days out of seven, maybe this is your excuse for having wine.

It could be many things. I think unfortunately it takes more than one book to move on from all of this.

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Nancy, you're definitely right about Vale. He even addresses the fact that he doesn't have credentials aside from his personal experience. I don't think there is a "one answer" at all. We just have to take what we can from the different theories. Hell, there is even debate among "professionals" as to whether or not alcoholism is a disease - definitely multiple theories about the nature of alcohol!

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

I think that as long as the book or the information says, "don't drink alcohol", it is good information. I think however you arrive at the point where you can be happy without drinking is up to the person. I can tell you how I changed my lifestyle, and how I work out, and how I still attend places and events and socialize with people who drink. I can tell you how it works for me, but everyone is different. I don't believe in "triggers". I look at them as excuses that people make up to continue drinking. I realized I could not be happy and be sober if I tried to avoid these so called "triggers". These triggers were things that I enjoyed doing, and if I can't do them then life would suck.

The comment in Tipps post that stuck with me is her saying she felt like she "deserved a drink". You deserve to drink poison that you are going to regret? Quit looking at alcohol as some kind of reward, because it isn't. This is the major problem why people have trouble quitting alcohol, (myself included). I was looking at alcohol and not drinking it as some form of punishment. "I can't drink boo hoo", when the reality is I can drink as much as I want, I just choose not to drink now because drinking sucks for me, and it makes me feel bad and I do stupid things when I drink, and it was hurting my family and it was costing me money, and it was was hurting my health, basically it was killing me. For all of these reasons I choose not to drink. Until you can take a step back and change your perception of what drinking is doing for you and see it as the painful habit of pouring poison down your throat that you regret, you will continue to paint this pretty picture of you eating a gourmet meal with your glass of wine. How about keep the cool wine glass and pour yourself some sparkling water or your favorite non alcoholic beverage. Will that ruin your beautiful meal?? Or will it really make it better. You deserve to be happy and sober, not drunk and regretful.

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

SC, you are amazing. I hope you never stop posting here because you have a way of cutting through the b.s. we tell ourselves and putting the truth in front of us. We have been sold such a bill of goods about the positives about alcohol.

Thank you for being strong and forceful about our illusions around booze. There is honestly nothing positive about it, but we've brainwashed ourselves into thinking there is.

You rock!

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Thank you Unwasted! Glad I could help, and everytime I post I just solidify my stance regarding drinking. Basically posting my thoughts makes me stronger and happier with my decisions. If you focus on something long enough it becomes your reality. Sobriety is now my reality and I love it, and these types of forums have helped me get there!

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

It's a win-win then. Lucky for us because your posts are really powerful. Thank you.

[Tipplerette]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

I second the thank you from Unwasted, Supercrew (just had a giggle as I had typed in Super SCREW...LOL. You really say it like it is. The few weeks I didn't drink at all (once in June and once in October) were the most rewarding, self-satisfying weeks of my adult life. I really thought that alcohol was poison and I was wise and health conscious to quit. I think what happens is that I get a little cocky and don't take one day at a time. So my guard goes down and for whatever reason, an evening comes along and away I go.

I have switched my engagement ring to my right hand and put my opal on my left as a reminder that "I don't drink!" I need those kinds of visual aids. I get to the point where I just go with the flow and all my good intentions go out the window.

We need to be in the present. Focused on the Now. Honouring ourselves on a minute by minute basis. Asking ourselves whether the many choices we make throughout our day are honourable. We must do what's good for ourselves. Meditation is a wonderful idea, UnWasted. Your mind is made up and you should be proud that you are so firm in your commitment.

Day one for me. Not feeling cocky. Not feeling confident. Feeling like I have to STOP and regroup and enjoy the benefits of not drinking.

PS - even two glasses of wine makes me feel like crap in the mornings... who NEEDS it?

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

The journey of a million miles starts with the first step! But don't make it harder than it has to be. One step is easy. And another step, tomorrow is easy. As long as you stay sober today your job is done...until tomorrow.

When I started I was just telling myself not to drink for that hour, then hours became days and days have become months and now I don't think about it that often. Is it easy? It's as easy as you want it to be. That's where changing your perception of alcohol comes in. If I believe I need alcohol to have fun and enjoy my life, well guess what, my brain will make sure being sober is terrible and hard. But if I believe that alcohol has almost ruined my life and it causes me pain, sobriety can be easy and enjoyable.

I prefer easy and enjoyable, and I am quite happy and content because I know for a fact that alcohol is bad for me.

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Tips, that amount of wine also ruins my next day. It's absolutely not worth it. Similarly to your visual reminders, I'm thinking that meditation is going to give me some tools beyond just reading a book. Although I think they are still invaluable, books can't stay fresh in our minds forever. Meditation is a tool we can access at any time. I'm really new at it obviously but I know it's a method that's being used in treatment centers. We'll see. Like you, I'm not feeling overconfident - just ready to change and seeking out new ways to keep from getting back into the rut!

Best to you!

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

SC - X post

The book I'm reading - Tao of Sobriety goes into what you're describing and gives you strategies on how to change your thinking.

[looking for peace]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Great insight SC. I agree with UW, you do have a way of cutting thru our bs. In the last couple of days I have been drinking my diet ginger ale from my lovely crystal champagne flutes. So I have been taking your lead about drinking out of nice glasses. I was lamenting my collection of various wine glasses, brandy snifters, beer glasses etc and decided that I can still use most of them. Although if you have read the Vale book, this may be substituting but I really don't care

[looking for peace]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

a ray of hope!

I pm'ed Tipp about this but I wanted to share it with the group in case anyone can relate....

For the last few days I have been feeling sorry for myself for not being one of the "lucky ones" that gets the message that alcohol has absolutely no advantages. I was on Amazon.com reading reviews on the Jason Vale book and on the Easyway book and found myself getting really jealous of most of the people writing the reviews. So many of them seemed to have had a "miraculous" revelation and have not drank for many months or years after reading the book. They didn't even think about it. The struggle dissapeared for them. Alas, I am not one of those people, poor me, boo hoo!

Regardless, I also believe there is a lot in these books that has helped me change my attitude towards alcohol at least 90%. I was just thinking about a trip I took with my husband to NYC about 10 years ago. It was right after my husband caught me with my secret stash of booze, so I had to go through the weekend booze free. I dreaded it! I would never have thought differently at the time. We went to a comedy club and I was drinking soda and I was so miserable, feeling so deprived, feeling like I would never ever be able to have fun again, I was so sad. I remember my husband saying, "You can't drink right now, but maybe someday soon, you'll "get to" have a few drinks"..... yeah! a glimmer of hope sometime in the future. I paced the streets of New York all weekend, utterly shattered like my best friend died. I can visualize it now, I almost forgot that weekend.

I know I would not feel the same way toda. For as much as I am sad that I didn't get that "light bulb" moment, I think most of the message came through because now I know that I am not deprived of anything by not drinking. I still have the addiction mentality though and some "instant gratification" thinking. So in otherwords, I'm still using willpower.

So, I am going to keep at it, because something is working. I know I never want to feel that miserable about not "being able" to drink ever again. The gears are starting to reverse for me, I'm not quite 180 degrees from 10 years ago, but I truly think I'm getting there.

I agree with many of you (Nancy, Lolab, UW etc) who realize not one self help book has the answer.... it's a lot of different factors, along with our readiness.

[Supercrew]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Great post LFP! I am sure you summed it up for alot of people who have problems with alcohol. I felt the same as you for the first 70 days or so, and I felt exactly the same as you prior to me quitting for good when I was forbidden to drink for any reason over the last 25 years.

Look at it this way, a book isn't going to cure you, a club isn't going to cure you, a website isn't going to cure you, but by taking daily action and by not drinking and by using any of the above tools you will eventually see the light and your subconscious mind will finally get the picture. They wouldn't call it an addiction if it wasn't hard to beat.

Stick with it, you can do it!!

[Unwasted]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

LFP, I'm like you in that this has been a building up process. Each book helps a little more, each outing and change I've made where I used to use alcohol but I don't now adds a bit, etc. I am light years different than I was a year ago. So, after all that trying and then waffling, I feel like I've built up to a point where this time it will "take." There is an AA saying something like "Let go and let God" which I think has merit. We can't force everything in our lives, but we can continue to take positive steps toward the goal of not drinking and eventually I think it will kick in if our desire is genuine. I think one thing is imperative and that is, don't get negative about ourselves -- just accept that it's a process, keep being honest with ourselves and take charge of our lives.

The book I'm reading now - Tao of Sobriety is giving me some tools to change my mental craving voices and let my logical, self-loving voice be predominant and have control. I think it's filling a void that I didn't have and needed. Meditation (which I'm studying) is also helping.

Peace and strength to us all!

[looking for peace]

Easy Way/Kicking the Drink... not getting it

Unwasted, I have a copy of Tao of Sobriety that I had bought years ago and I found it and dusted it off after reading your post. I also recently took an 8 week stress reduction mindfulness meditation class a few months ago. Great stuff, but I have to get back to a regular practice. Frankly I think I replaced meditation time with rereading easyway books over and over. It's time to get a better balance and use all of my tools.

I think I'm on the same wavelength as you at the moment. I am also really missing the spirituality piece and am looking for something to fill that void. I also am interested in Buddism. So, if you ever want to PM me about it, please do. Peace