i need help

[merry]

I was going well and came completely undone I thought I had everything covered but I let my guard down and have made a complete mess of things with one of my sons and I have a long way to go to correct it if I can he was trying to negotiate custody with his girlfriend and I went after a couple of drinks and messed the whole situation up and made it worse now she won't let anyone have access to him
so I'm back to try again:thanks:

[Unwasted]

i need help

Merry, so sorry to hear of your problem but glad you're back. Don't forget the Toolbox and Newbie's Nest (links below).

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...est-30074.html

Best to you!

[merry]

i need help

Thankyou all
i just know it has to stop and I can't do it alone and I hate being left dangling I don't have any alcohol in the house so It's going to be a long process back up and it won't happen over night

[Doggygirl]

i need help

Hi Merry. Welcome back. I'm so sorry to read what happened. I like what the others have said about what we CAN control - ourselves and the choice not to pick up that first drink. If we manage to do that, it really is possible to heal the rest with time. I couldn't do it alone either. I need my peeps!

DG

[merry]

i need help

I don't only have the choice of not drinking but how I can fix the mess I have created
and they are all going to take time I know but my nerves are shot because of it all and feeling sorry for my self for creating the situation and alienating everyone

[Bella]

i need help

It doesnt make u a bad person. xx

[Bella]

i need help

ive jst read wot mollyka said here. great advice to u. Im not here to judge and i know how hard it is. be glad theres no alcohol in the house. take a sleep. im not sorted either...only here coz my controlling husbands out tonight. anyway...be good to yourself. xxxx bella

[Dave_]

i need help

Merry,

First of all, take a deep breath. It is never as bad as it seems. We make bad decisions in life, this is nothing to get yourself tied in knots about. In the grand scheme of things one bad interaction with someone does not mean that you should tear yourself apart.

The over reaction of the other party says more about their instability than it says about you. You cannot control the mindset of another human, the quicker you realise this the more at peace you will be. Sometimes people feeel so badly about themselves they forget that the vast percentage of the population out there are every bit as damaged and unstable as you are. Don't forget we like to lable ourselves and look at our selves as failures and a distinct sub set of society. This is just not true. The world is damaged, the human race has issues. We are programmed to believe in an ideal existence, to act in a certain way and to conform to an unrealistic set of standards. Very few people ever attain this state of being. Most try to put up a front pretending to but the reality is that most people spend their lives anxious that they are failing to meet societies standards.

What a crap way to exist. Would it not be better if we all just realised that we are different? We are not perfect and sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we do things that others find hurtful. You will never control what others think of you. But you can control what you think of yourself. Accept that you are not now and never will be perfect. Accept that life allows, even demands that we make mistakes because that how we grow. Own your errors and apologise. If the other party refuses to accept the situation then calmly work your way through the issues remembering that you do not have the power to fix what others think.

Never beat yourself up for making an error, it's what we do as humans, Don't buy into the accepted notion that we must all reach this fantasy state of human perfection that the mass media shoves down our throat as normal.

Normal is to make mistakes, to learn from them, to grow from them and to have a few laughs along the way.

[Doggygirl]

i need help

merry, I used to really get mired down in a lot of worry and hopelessness about the future. I thought it sounded corny when I first came here to MWO and people talked about "one day at a time." I really didn't know what that meant because I was always either thinking about the past and living in my guilt, remorse and shame, or worrying about the future and what was going to happen.

We can't change the past.

We can't predict the future.

All we have is right now. All we can do in this life is our very best, right now.

I really think this will be a lot less overwheming if you can practice just concentrating on what to do in your own life right now at this moment. Now worrying about the past or the future.

That's how I do it anyway. The rest of the stuff will sort itself out eventually. By staying sober right now, I have a chance for the best possible outcome.

DG

[merry]

i need help

Thankyou all for your kind thoughts I will put them into practise
doggygirl you reminded me of something some said once

the past is gone
the future is a mystery
and to-day is a present