New realization

[Struggles 106]

Another insight as a result of being AF and NF and exercising. I feel great and have a lot of energy, singing a lot, in the shower and elsewhere.
It occurred to me that I don't/didn't know how to just be happy. Maybe on a subconscious level with my self-loathing I figured I didn't deserve it, or I was compelled to do something
to mess it up.
I did hear a cringe-worthy story this morning. One of our engineers had to visit a customer site I had been to a couple of years ago. The customer said he really liked me and we had fun (???) He told the engineer that I suggested we go out for Coronas, and the engineer said "That sounds like her." Of course I don't remember saying that or going out anywhere with the guy. I do remember the site and the work I did there and some awful drunken stuff that happened later. Nothing I can do about this now. Just thought I'd share.
It's going to take a while to dispel the reputation I suppose.
BUT I'm doing fine-learning to be happy.
Thanks guys for being here.

[hillsidetime]

New realization

Hi Ann, and congratulations on your thirty days. You are on a journey that will continue to bring you wonderful surprises. The happiness and joy that can come from every day life, while sober, is something that I certainly had lost in my alcohol filled years.

It seems to take us all, a long time, years, to move through the guilt, the memories and feelings of regret and shame etc, for things we have done while drunk. One act, or how we behaved for a period of life, does not define who we are. We can work towards change, and become the people we want to be, and we can define who we are now, and in the future.

Keep up the great work, and don't underestimate how cunning an enemy, alcohol can be.

Hill

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

New realization

Whatever we did when we were drunk was done while drunk!!!!!!!!!!!!! We would never have done soooooo many of these things sober!!! I can cringe all night if I think of things I've done, but we have to forgive ourselves. Because we are new people now . We are present in our awareness and in our thoughts and actions , and we are conscious of the choices we make . And we are trying , we are really really trying to become better people.
There's a lot to be said for that. Congrats on your sobriety , keep it up!!!